1
00:00:39,875 --> 00:00:42,375
Ugh… God damn it.

2
00:03:05,708 --> 00:03:08,541
This is nuts! This is so crazy!

3
00:03:08,625 --> 00:03:11,791
I've got a hard cider
and a bag of Crossbone Crunch.

4
00:03:11,875 --> 00:03:12,791
It's a party.

5
00:03:12,875 --> 00:03:15,791
I'm... I'm just so,
so thrilled for you, Kate.

6
00:03:15,875 --> 00:03:19,416
To Comet Dibiasky, right? Cheers!

7
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,916
It's gotta be, look…
It's gotta be an Oort cloud comet

8
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,833
just based on where you saw it.

9
00:03:24,916 --> 00:03:27,083
Probably the last time
it was this close to the Sun

10
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,375
was long before human civilization.

11
00:03:29,458 --> 00:03:31,541
Look at the arc on that thing.
God, it's amazing.

12
00:03:31,625 --> 00:03:35,083
How would we find out the comet's
velocity in orbit, Professor Mindy?

13
00:03:35,166 --> 00:03:37,250
That is a good question.

14
00:03:37,333 --> 00:03:40,166
This will be fun. I haven't done
orbital dynamics since grad school.

15
00:03:40,791 --> 00:03:42,000
Question is, what…

16
00:03:42,916 --> 00:03:45,375
What would Carl Sagan do?

17
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:48,875
He would take it back to first principles.

18
00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:52,666
The topocentric vector is rho.

19
00:03:54,541 --> 00:03:56,500
Kate, what are the initial coordinates?

20
00:03:57,083 --> 00:03:58,000
Twenty-one.

21
00:03:59,666 --> 00:04:00,875
Twenty-four.

22
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:02,500
Thirteen.

23
00:04:02,583 --> 00:04:04,250
This is fun, huh, guys?

24
00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:07,458
- Sixty-seven.
- Wow. Now you got me pumped.

25
00:04:07,541 --> 00:04:08,791
- Dr. Mindy.
- All right…

26
00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:10,583
How many terms do you have to calibrate…

27
00:04:10,666 --> 00:04:13,458
Approximation
of coordinates in Marsden, '85.

28
00:04:14,125 --> 00:04:17,958
Now that we have the comet's orbit,
we will check the ephemeris

29
00:04:18,041 --> 00:04:22,458
and that will give us the distance
between the comet and planet Earth.

30
00:04:25,625 --> 00:04:28,083
Why does the ephemeris
keep getting lower and lower?

31
00:04:42,708 --> 00:04:43,833
Professor Mindy?

32
00:04:49,416 --> 00:04:50,625
Professor Mindy?

33
00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:58,041
You know what, guys? Let's…

34
00:04:58,875 --> 00:05:00,458
Let's call it a night, huh?

35
00:05:02,833 --> 00:05:04,916
But what about
the relative position?

36
00:05:05,416 --> 00:05:08,500
I can't figure this one out.
Not tonight, guys. Sorry.

37
00:05:09,291 --> 00:05:11,875
- Let's hit it, man. I'm beat.
- Me too.

38
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:15,375
- Kate, this was amazing.
- Congratulations.

39
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:16,958
Hey, Kate.

40
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:19,666
You stay.

41
00:05:30,083 --> 00:05:31,708
Yeah, uh, Dr. Calder,

42
00:05:31,791 --> 00:05:33,916
a Michigan State professor
and his grad students...

43
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,375
This is Dr. Calder.
You pulled me out of a meeting

44
00:05:36,458 --> 00:05:39,291
where I had to tell my team
we lost eight billion in funding.

45
00:05:39,375 --> 00:05:42,208
I am so sorry, Dr. Calder,

46
00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:45,125
but we are seeing some
awfully strange orbital numbers

47
00:05:45,208 --> 00:05:47,041
on this comet we just found.

48
00:05:47,125 --> 00:05:48,958
They should be in your inbox, right?

49
00:05:49,041 --> 00:05:50,916
- Is this it?
- Yeah. This is it.

50
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,375
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let me get
Dr. Oglethorpe on the line.

51
00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:54,791
<i>Please hold.</i>

52
00:05:54,875 --> 00:05:57,250
Uh… Uh, I'm on hold.

53
00:05:57,333 --> 00:06:00,500
She's calling a Dr. Oglethorpe.
Who is that?

54
00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:04,083
Jesus Christ.
I'm gonna put them on speaker.

55
00:06:06,041 --> 00:06:07,166
"Dr. Oglethorpe,

56
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:10,666
head of the Planetary
Defense Coordination Office."

57
00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:12,625
- Is that a real place?
- I have no idea.

58
00:06:20,958 --> 00:06:22,625
<i>This is Dr. Oglethorpe.</i>

59
00:06:22,708 --> 00:06:24,208
<i>Yes, this is Jocelyn Calder</i>

60
00:06:24,291 --> 00:06:25,375
from Kennedy Space Center.

61
00:06:25,458 --> 00:06:27,000
Hey, Jocelyn.

62
00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:29,125
<i>Listen, we got a sighting</i>

63
00:06:29,208 --> 00:06:31,500
of an NEO from Subaru telescope.

64
00:06:31,583 --> 00:06:32,916
<i>Okay. Uh…</i>

65
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,458
Why you just didn't report it
to the Minor Planet Center?

66
00:06:35,541 --> 00:06:38,333
<i>It's a professor</i>
<i>and a bunch of Michigan State students</i>

67
00:06:38,416 --> 00:06:40,333
<i>who identified something big.</i>

68
00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:41,833
Really? How large?

69
00:06:41,916 --> 00:06:43,291
<i>How big we talking?</i>

70
00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:45,666
<i>We clocked it in around
five to ten kilometers wide.</i>

71
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:47,250
About five to ten kilometers wide.

72
00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:49,750
Uh… That's a big boy.

73
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:55,291
And, uh, was this professor the one
who first made the observations?

74
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:57,625
Hi, yes. Uh, Dr. Mindy.

75
00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:01,083
And... And no,
PhD candidate Kate Dibiasky found it.

76
00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:02,916
I did the orbital calculations.

77
00:07:03,625 --> 00:07:07,250
I, uh… I study trace gasses
in dead galaxies.

78
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:10,750
I haven't published in a while
so you probably haven't heard of me.

79
00:07:10,833 --> 00:07:11,916
But anyway, that doesn't matter.

80
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,333
<i>Sorry. What was your question?</i>

81
00:07:14,416 --> 00:07:17,375
What are the most updated estimates
on its trajectory?

82
00:07:17,458 --> 00:07:18,458
Kate?

83
00:07:20,625 --> 00:07:21,625
Um…

84
00:07:22,958 --> 00:07:27,041
I've been running it all day.
I keep getting the same result.

85
00:07:27,791 --> 00:07:30,875
A direct hit of Earth
in six months and 14 days.

86
00:07:31,875 --> 00:07:33,000
Me too.

87
00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:35,333
<i>Matthew,</i>
<i>what are your calculations?</i>

88
00:07:35,416 --> 00:07:40,500
<i>Um, Scout program
is saying six months, 14 days.</i>

89
00:07:40,583 --> 00:07:42,791
<i>We got six months and 14 days.</i>

90
00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:48,916
And it's roughly five
to ten kilometers wide.

91
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,125
Which… Which, uh…

92
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:53,625
<i>Isn't that…</i>

93
00:07:54,625 --> 00:07:56,083
An extinction-level event?

94
00:07:57,208 --> 00:07:59,333
Well, let's not be dramatic here.

95
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:02,541
Okay, uh…

96
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:07,291
First move is to get
the school field trip out here to DC.

97
00:08:07,375 --> 00:08:08,833
<i>Let's all calm down.</i>

98
00:08:08,916 --> 00:08:11,166
<i>I need the person who first had eyes
on the comet</i>

99
00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:12,750
and the person in charge.

100
00:08:12,833 --> 00:08:13,833
What?

101
00:08:16,916 --> 00:08:21,208
…share this data immediately
with Cambridge, Caltech and IAU.

102
00:08:21,291 --> 00:08:23,291
Wait a minute.
This is classified information.

103
00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:24,708
What's happening?

104
00:08:24,791 --> 00:08:26,833
<i>I serve</i>
<i>at the discretion of the president.</i>

105
00:08:26,916 --> 00:08:28,166
Is this really happening?

106
00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:30,666
…and the dead galaxy professor
to Hickam Air Force base.

107
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:33,291
DC, right?
Hey! Hey, Kate.

108
00:08:33,375 --> 00:08:35,291
<i>This isn't happening, right?</i>

109
00:08:35,375 --> 00:08:38,541
Kate, this isn't real, right? This is, uh…

110
00:08:38,625 --> 00:08:41,125
This is just some sort
of alternate reality, right?

111
00:08:41,208 --> 00:08:42,041
<i>Say something.</i>

112
00:08:42,125 --> 00:08:43,750
I gotta go get high.

113
00:08:43,833 --> 00:08:48,041
Word is that I need you both in DC fast.
Only plane I got going there is that one.

114
00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:50,375
Anyway, I am Dr. Mindy. This is...

115
00:08:50,458 --> 00:08:52,208
- Hi! Oh.
- Go, go, go!

116
00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:57,708
- Where do we sit, Kate?
- I have no idea.

117
00:08:57,791 --> 00:08:59,625
Is there
any customary seating for…

118
00:09:06,708 --> 00:09:10,625
What the fuck? Is this real?
Is this a goddamn joke?

119
00:09:10,708 --> 00:09:11,833
Holy shit.

120
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:21,000
This can't be happening. No.

121
00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:11,125
- Brendon. You mean Brendon?
- Yeah, Brendon.

122
00:10:11,208 --> 00:10:15,041
You know, he didn't keep his head down.
It's all politics, Teddy. You know that.

123
00:10:15,125 --> 00:10:17,083
You must be Randall and Kate.

124
00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:18,250
Yes. Yes, hi.

125
00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:20,583
I'm Dr. Oglethorpe,
but you can call me Teddy.

126
00:10:20,666 --> 00:10:22,166
I'm sorry. Did you say your name…

127
00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:25,333
- I should call you "Teddy"? Teddy.
- Teddy. Yeah.

128
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:28,083
Yeah, we call him Teddy
because he ain't no teddy bear.

129
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,416
General Themes.
I'm the Pentagon's eyes on, uh,

130
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,375
you know, whatever this turns out to be.

131
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:37,875
The president is famously late,
and you've had a long flight, so…

132
00:10:40,625 --> 00:10:44,250
- Michigan State Spartans.
- Mmm.

133
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:52,583
- Is that the Oval Office?
- Yeah, that's the Oval Office, yeah.

134
00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:55,541
It's a lot smaller
than in the photographs.

135
00:10:55,625 --> 00:10:57,625
The president
should be here shortly.

136
00:10:57,708 --> 00:10:58,875
She's already been briefed.

137
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,458
Correct, Scott?

138
00:11:02,041 --> 00:11:03,166
That is correct.

139
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:05,750
Are we really about to tell
the president of the United States

140
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,583
that we have just over six months

141
00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:12,166
until humankind, basically every species,
is completely extinct?

142
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:16,291
Yeah. That's exactly
what we're about to do. Yeah.

143
00:11:21,916 --> 00:11:23,916
Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh.

144
00:12:13,541 --> 00:12:15,416
Yes, I said law enforcement.

145
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,708
But I didn't want… I mean,
you told me that he was clean.

146
00:12:20,916 --> 00:12:24,166
- Hello, Madam President. Dr. Oglethorpe.
- Step back, please.

147
00:12:24,250 --> 00:12:25,666
Hello.

148
00:12:25,750 --> 00:12:30,208
Madam President, I'm Dr. Oglethorpe.
I believe Jocelyn briefed you to…

149
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,833
- Hey, Jason.
- Yeah? What up, yo?

150
00:12:32,916 --> 00:12:35,166
Come on, man. What the hell?
This is real world.

151
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:36,875
Yeah. I know. We need five minutes.

152
00:12:36,958 --> 00:12:40,625
We have a problem with our Supreme Court
nominee. Five minutes. Thank you.

153
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:11,750
Just take a message,
and then, stuff like this happens,

154
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,500
and I don't know what's going on.

155
00:13:14,833 --> 00:13:17,541
I don't understand
how many more times I need to tell you…

156
00:13:17,625 --> 00:13:21,500
Well, there's a bunch of stuff about
their nominee not being qualified,

157
00:13:22,791 --> 00:13:25,875
but I don't see
any articles about our thing.

158
00:13:25,958 --> 00:13:28,291
Social media is just going on and on

159
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:32,250
about that singer Riley Bina
and DJ Chello breaking up.

160
00:13:33,458 --> 00:13:35,166
That's just too bad.

161
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:37,291
They seem like sweet kids.

162
00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:39,541
Hmm. I don't… I don't know them.

163
00:13:41,708 --> 00:13:42,583
Which is…

164
00:13:42,666 --> 00:13:44,375
- It's a shame though.
- Yeah.

165
00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:46,625
- Do you know them, Kate?
- Yes.

166
00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:49,416
- But I don't really give a shit right now.
- Oh.

167
00:13:51,208 --> 00:13:53,208
They charge
an arm and a leg for this stuff.

168
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,041
- Ten apiece ought to do it.
- Oh.

169
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,625
- Grab a water.
- Thank you.

170
00:13:56,708 --> 00:13:57,916
I've got Kate as well.

171
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,250
- Perfect.
- Thank you.

172
00:13:59,333 --> 00:14:01,000
- Here's a 20.
- Oh.

173
00:14:03,416 --> 00:14:05,333
- You got change?
- No.

174
00:14:08,375 --> 00:14:11,208
- I mean, I could ask the Marine.
- Yeah…

175
00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:14,625
Uh, it's a Xanax.

176
00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:17,750
- I only take a quarter. Otherwise I get…
- Ah…

177
00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:19,958
- Kate.
- Thank you.

178
00:14:20,708 --> 00:14:23,083
You know, you should be
careful with that much.

179
00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:43,208
Oh!

180
00:14:43,958 --> 00:14:46,958
I'm very sorry. I have to be
in Okinawa by two o'clock tomorrow.

181
00:14:47,041 --> 00:14:49,375
- What?
- What? Are you serious?

182
00:14:49,458 --> 00:14:52,166
- This is very important.
- I have to go quell the natives.

183
00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:53,875
Tell your daughter I said hello.

184
00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:58,333
Isn't it important that he was
in the room with us? I mean, what…

185
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:06,833
Where do I pay for these?

186
00:15:06,916 --> 00:15:07,958
It's free.

187
00:15:10,666 --> 00:15:11,791
Really?

188
00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,375
Yes, it's the White House.

189
00:15:19,708 --> 00:15:21,916
The snacks are free.

190
00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:23,583
What?

191
00:15:24,208 --> 00:15:25,291
The general.

192
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:28,166
He charged us
for the snacks, but they're free.

193
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:29,416
Oh, gosh.

194
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,541
Why on earth would he do that?

195
00:15:32,125 --> 00:15:35,291
Hey, peeps, uh, it's not looking
like it's gonna happen tonight,

196
00:15:35,375 --> 00:15:37,291
and I feel horrible.

197
00:15:37,375 --> 00:15:39,291
We're gonna put you up
in a hotel somewhere.

198
00:15:39,375 --> 00:15:41,541
Excuse me, does the president
know why we're here?

199
00:15:41,625 --> 00:15:43,916
You gotta be fucking kidding me.

200
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,166
They must not know
why we're here, right?

201
00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:47,875
They know. Uh, but you heard 'em.

202
00:15:47,958 --> 00:15:50,291
- Do they even realize…
- Be ready for tomorrow.

203
00:15:50,375 --> 00:15:51,708
…how long it took for us to get…

204
00:15:55,166 --> 00:15:57,708
And then they made us wait
for over seven hours,

205
00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:59,916
but they never called us in.
I couldn't believe it.

206
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,500
Of course they didn't call you in.
Kate, have you watched any news today?

207
00:16:03,583 --> 00:16:06,958
No, I've been pretty wrapped up
in our… project.

208
00:16:07,041 --> 00:16:08,500
Turn on your TV right now.

209
00:16:08,583 --> 00:16:11,250
President Orlean is in
the middle of an all-time shit storm.

210
00:16:11,875 --> 00:16:15,166
<i>Sheriff Wade Conlon</i>
<i>was already a controversial nominee,</i>

211
00:16:15,250 --> 00:16:19,958
<i>with no law degree and a record
of "shoot first and ask questions later."</i>

212
00:16:20,041 --> 00:16:21,125
You watching?

213
00:16:21,208 --> 00:16:23,250
<i>With his background as a nude life model…</i>

214
00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:25,750
Yeah, I'm watching it right now.

215
00:16:25,833 --> 00:16:28,250
<i>…the White House is in full crisis mode.</i>

216
00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:29,500
<i>And, get this.</i>

217
00:16:29,583 --> 00:16:32,750
I found five former students

218
00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:37,666
who are willing to go on record
that Conlon got noticeably aroused

219
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,375
when he posed for their drawing class.

220
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:40,916
<i>I have no shame in what I did.</i>

221
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,916
Now, should I say "noticeably aroused"?

222
00:16:44,666 --> 00:16:47,916
Or "engorged"? Because
I don't want this to read like clickbait.

223
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,708
<i>You know, this is a real article.</i>

224
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,291
I just… Kate, can I get
something from you, please?

225
00:16:55,083 --> 00:16:56,250
Sorry.

226
00:16:57,083 --> 00:17:00,083
- Out of sorts tonight.
<i>- Can we have this conversation?</i>

227
00:17:00,166 --> 00:17:02,083
I feel like we're skirting around this.

228
00:17:02,166 --> 00:17:05,000
Do you have an issue with my mom?
Is that what this is all about?

229
00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:07,791
<i>You can't tell me what's going on?</i>

230
00:17:07,875 --> 00:17:10,458
It's just the protocol.
Please, don't worry.

231
00:17:10,541 --> 00:17:15,208
Oh, Marshall got a 172
on his LSATs and we're celebrating.

232
00:17:15,291 --> 00:17:18,666
Way to go, Marshall.
I'm proud of you, buddy.

233
00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:21,083
Whoo! Thank you, Dad. Miss you.

234
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:24,708
Hey, how's Evan feeling?
Are the new meds working out?

235
00:17:24,791 --> 00:17:26,666
- I'm a solid four.
- Ooh!

236
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:28,083
<i>He's a solid four.</i>

237
00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:30,750
Well, that's better
than last month, right?

238
00:17:30,833 --> 00:17:34,083
You know, just remember to speak up
in the meeting tomorrow. Okay?

239
00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:35,750
- Yeah. I will.
<i>- You get so quiet.</i>

240
00:17:35,833 --> 00:17:38,416
When it's time to take credit,
you kind of…

241
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:43,000
She <i>asked</i> you if you were a lesbian.
She did not say that you <i>were</i> a lesbian.

242
00:17:43,083 --> 00:17:44,916
- It was a question.
- Hey, look, I'm…

243
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,208
Can I sit down with your mom
to have lunch in, like, seven months?

244
00:17:48,291 --> 00:17:52,583
Seven… That's weirdly
specific and distant.

245
00:17:53,083 --> 00:17:54,625
<i>What is… This is my mom.</i>

246
00:18:00,208 --> 00:18:02,541
So… Oh!

247
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:06,041
I heard there's an asteroid
or a comet or something

248
00:18:06,125 --> 00:18:07,958
that you don't like the looks of.

249
00:18:08,791 --> 00:18:12,416
Tell me about it and then
tell me why you're telling me about it.

250
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,208
You got 20 minutes.

251
00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,208
- Twenty minutes?
- That's you, Doc.

252
00:18:16,291 --> 00:18:18,375
Go. Now. Go.

253
00:18:18,458 --> 00:18:20,000
Uh…

254
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,125
Madam President.

255
00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:23,666
Uh…

256
00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:27,125
Approximately 36 hours ago,

257
00:18:27,208 --> 00:18:31,791
uh, PhD candidate
Kate Dibiasky here discovered

258
00:18:32,458 --> 00:18:34,000
a very large comet.

259
00:18:34,083 --> 00:18:34,916
Oh.

260
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,791
- Yeah.
- Good for you.

261
00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:39,541
A comet between
five to ten kilometers across,

262
00:18:39,625 --> 00:18:41,875
that we estimate came from the, uh…

263
00:18:41,958 --> 00:18:44,250
From the… from the Oort cloud.

264
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:45,208
Wow.

265
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,791
Which is the outermost part
of the solar system.

266
00:18:48,416 --> 00:18:49,458
And, um…

267
00:18:50,708 --> 00:18:53,416
And using Gauss's method
of orbital determination

268
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:58,625
and the average astrometric uncertainty
of 0.04 arcseconds, we then asked...

269
00:18:58,708 --> 00:19:03,000
- Whoa! What the hell is… What?
- I'm so bored. Just tell us what it is.

270
00:19:03,083 --> 00:19:05,291
- What? Stop what?
- Seriously, stop.

271
00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:08,416
What Dr. Mindy is trying to say is
there's a comet headed towards Earth,

272
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:10,708
and according to NASA's computers,

273
00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:12,916
that object is gonna hit the Pacific Ocean

274
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,166
at 62 miles due west
off the coast of Chile.

275
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:17,166
Then what happens? Like, a tidal wave?

276
00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:20,666
No. It will be far more catastrophic.

277
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:25,250
There'll be mile-high tsunamis
fanning out all across the globe.

278
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:32,333
If this comet makes impact, it will have
the power of a billion Hiroshima bombs.

279
00:19:32,958 --> 00:19:36,375
There'll be
magnitude 10 or 11 earthquakes...

280
00:19:36,458 --> 00:19:39,375
You're breathing weird.
It's, uh, making me uncomfortable.

281
00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:42,000
I'm sorry, I'm just trying
to articulate the science.

282
00:19:42,083 --> 00:19:45,125
I know. But it's so stressful.
I'm trying to, like, listen...

283
00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:47,916
I don't think you understand
the gravity of the situation.

284
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,875
I'm trying to articulate it
the best I can...

285
00:19:49,958 --> 00:19:54,791
Madam President, this comet
is what we call a planet-killer.

286
00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:56,333
That is correct.

287
00:19:58,791 --> 00:19:59,875
Mmm-hmm.

288
00:20:00,791 --> 00:20:02,333
So how certain is this?

289
00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:05,541
There's 100% certainty of impact.

290
00:20:05,625 --> 00:20:07,666
Please, don't say 100%.

291
00:20:07,750 --> 00:20:10,333
Can we just call it
a potentially significant event?

292
00:20:10,416 --> 00:20:11,458
- Yeah.
- Yes.

293
00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:14,250
But it isn't<i> potentially</i> going to happen.

294
00:20:14,791 --> 00:20:16,500
It <i>is</i> going to happen.

295
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:20,083
Exactly. 99.78% to be exact.

296
00:20:20,166 --> 00:20:22,291
Oh, great. Okay, so it's not 100%.

297
00:20:22,375 --> 00:20:25,250
Well, scientists never like to say 100%.

298
00:20:25,333 --> 00:20:27,791
Call it 70% and let's just move on.

299
00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:29,541
But it's not even close to 70%.

300
00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:31,958
You cannot go around saying to people

301
00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:34,791
that there's 100% chance
that they're gonna die.

302
00:20:34,875 --> 00:20:37,791
You know? It's just nuts.

303
00:20:37,875 --> 00:20:40,458
We should get some of
our scientists on this, you know.

304
00:20:40,541 --> 00:20:44,250
No offense, but you're just two people
that walked in here with...

305
00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:45,541
Dr. Oglethorpe.

306
00:20:45,625 --> 00:20:47,166
Dr. Ov… Ogilvy. Yeah.

307
00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:50,791
I've been head of planetary defense
at NASA for 15 years.

308
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:55,333
And Dr. Mindy is a tenured professor
of astronomy at Michigan State,

309
00:20:55,416 --> 00:20:58,375
where Miss Dibiasky
is a doctoral candidate.

310
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:01,083
- Good.
- I'm sorry. Did you say Michigan State?

311
00:21:01,166 --> 00:21:03,750
Exactly. They have
an excellent astronomy department.

312
00:21:03,833 --> 00:21:05,250
- Yes.
- Come on, bro.

313
00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:07,625
You kidding?
You wanna see my fucking SAT scores?

314
00:21:07,708 --> 00:21:09,708
Okay, let's bottom line this.

315
00:21:09,791 --> 00:21:11,666
What is this gonna cost me?

316
00:21:11,750 --> 00:21:13,875
You know, what's the ask here?

317
00:21:13,958 --> 00:21:17,041
There are government plans in place.

318
00:21:17,125 --> 00:21:19,541
Um, actions we can take through NASA.

319
00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:22,583
Drones that can be outfitted with nukes

320
00:21:22,666 --> 00:21:27,083
to deflect and hopefully
change the orbit of this comet.

321
00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:28,916
We must act now.

322
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,583
Oh, hey.
All right, all right, all right.

323
00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:34,000
- When are the midterms? Three weeks.
- Three weeks.

324
00:21:34,083 --> 00:21:36,791
So, if this breaks before then,
we lose Congress.

325
00:21:36,875 --> 00:21:38,833
Then there's nothing we can do about it.

326
00:21:38,916 --> 00:21:39,833
It'll be gridlocked.

327
00:21:39,916 --> 00:21:43,916
The timing is just… It's atrocious.

328
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:51,125
Okay, at this very moment,
I say we sit tight and assess.

329
00:21:51,208 --> 00:21:52,458
Sit tight and assess.

330
00:21:52,541 --> 00:21:55,625
Let's get some other people
on this. Some Ivy Leaguers.

331
00:21:55,708 --> 00:21:58,458
And you and I will review the NASA plans.

332
00:21:58,541 --> 00:22:00,291
- Okay?
- I'd greatly appreciate that.

333
00:22:00,375 --> 00:22:03,583
Am I to understand correctly that,

334
00:22:03,666 --> 00:22:07,333
after all of the information
you've received today,

335
00:22:08,041 --> 00:22:12,291
the decision you're making
is to "sit tight and assess"?

336
00:22:12,375 --> 00:22:15,625
- I'm sorry, who is she?
- Who the fuck are you? Aren't you her son?

337
00:22:15,708 --> 00:22:18,416
I'm the fucking Chief of Staff,
Boy with the Dragon Tattoo.

338
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:19,791
So I'm doing fine.

339
00:22:19,875 --> 00:22:22,541
We gotta get out of here.
This place is a freak show.

340
00:22:22,625 --> 00:22:25,208
I think what Miss Dibiasky
is trying to say

341
00:22:25,291 --> 00:22:30,375
is that the idea of sitting tight
is an extremely, extremely dangerous...

342
00:22:30,458 --> 00:22:32,125
Oh, oh!

343
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:36,750
Thank you.
One good thing happened today.

344
00:22:36,833 --> 00:22:38,916
Okay, funny story.

345
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,666
When I was running for president,

346
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:43,958
I had to sneak cigarettes for
the whole first month of the campaign

347
00:22:44,041 --> 00:22:46,291
because, you know,
photographs of me smoking

348
00:22:46,375 --> 00:22:48,333
went for, what, a hundred grand a pop?

349
00:22:49,583 --> 00:22:52,541
So, I'm always hiding, but,
you know, I just got sick of it.

350
00:22:53,166 --> 00:22:56,208
And I just said, "You know what,
I'm gonna smoke whenever I want to."

351
00:22:56,291 --> 00:22:58,416
Mmm…

352
00:23:00,666 --> 00:23:01,791
Guess what happened?

353
00:23:02,666 --> 00:23:06,500
- I went up three points in the polls.
- They loved that she kept it real.

354
00:23:06,583 --> 00:23:08,458
They love watching a smokeshow smoke.

355
00:23:08,541 --> 00:23:11,583
I can't think of another president
that I'd ever wanna see in <i>Playboy.</i>

356
00:23:11,666 --> 00:23:15,000
Do you know how many, uh,
"the world is ending" meetings

357
00:23:15,083 --> 00:23:16,708
that we've had over the years?

358
00:23:16,791 --> 00:23:20,833
Economic collapse, loose nukes,
car exhaust killing the atmosphere.

359
00:23:20,916 --> 00:23:23,666
- Rogue AI.
- Drought, famine, plague…

360
00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:24,958
- Uh…
- Everything.

361
00:23:25,041 --> 00:23:28,833
Alien invasion,
population growth, hole in the ozone...

362
00:23:28,916 --> 00:23:29,916
Jason, hey.

363
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,166
- Read the room for once in your life.
- Sorry, Mom.

364
00:23:32,750 --> 00:23:35,000
Point is, I have a job to do.

365
00:23:35,083 --> 00:23:37,833
You do understand
that this is an apocalyptic event.

366
00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:43,250
This is a large celestial body
heading towards our planet at speeds...

367
00:23:43,333 --> 00:23:45,333
Dr. Mindy, I hear you.

368
00:23:46,458 --> 00:23:47,625
I hear you.

369
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:51,208
- You should be proud.
- Thank you.

370
00:23:51,291 --> 00:23:54,666
I'm taking it very seriously.
I'm taking it straight in the heart.

371
00:23:54,750 --> 00:23:57,875
I'm so glad to hear that.
You have no idea.

372
00:23:57,958 --> 00:24:03,000
Hey, gang, obviously everything we talked
about in here, super classified, right?

373
00:24:03,083 --> 00:24:04,500
- Yeah.
- Cool.

374
00:24:04,583 --> 00:24:05,750
Thanks for dressing up.

375
00:24:14,375 --> 00:24:17,041
You're saying
we're just gonna leak it to the press?

376
00:24:17,125 --> 00:24:19,625
- Isn't that illegal?
- Hell yeah, we're going to leak it.

377
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:22,333
In case you didn't notice,
the White House just blew us off.

378
00:24:22,416 --> 00:24:24,375
My boyfriend, Phillip,
says he knows a reporter

379
00:24:24,458 --> 00:24:26,458
from the <i>New York Herald</i>
who will talk to us.

380
00:24:26,541 --> 00:24:29,250
- Adul Grelio.
- Good. He's a heavy hitter.

381
00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:32,541
And I'll reach out to more of
the scientific community on the down-low.

382
00:24:33,875 --> 00:24:38,416
- I just feel like this isn't what I do.
- You're just telling a story.

383
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:39,750
Keep it simple.

384
00:24:40,458 --> 00:24:41,583
No math.

385
00:24:42,791 --> 00:24:44,166
But it's <i>all</i> math.

386
00:24:56,583 --> 00:24:59,333
<i>It all started</i>
<i>with a connection.</i>

387
00:24:59,416 --> 00:25:03,041
<i>A simple gesture that created so much.</i>

388
00:25:03,875 --> 00:25:05,000
<i>So many choices.</i>

389
00:25:06,208 --> 00:25:08,541
<i>Sometimes, it can even feel like too much.</i>

390
00:25:09,375 --> 00:25:10,875
<i>Until now.</i>

391
00:25:10,958 --> 00:25:13,291
<i>Introducing BASH LiiF.</i>

392
00:25:14,083 --> 00:25:16,791
<i>Life, without the stress of living.</i>

393
00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:21,416
<i>Before we introduce</i>
<i>the founder and CEO of BASH,</i>

394
00:25:21,500 --> 00:25:23,791
<i>please remember
to avoid direct eye contact,</i>

395
00:25:23,875 --> 00:25:27,458
<i>sudden movements,
coughing or negative facial expressions.</i>

396
00:25:27,541 --> 00:25:30,916
<i>And now, please welcome
Sir Peter Isherwell.</i>

397
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,791
We love you, Peter!

398
00:25:46,083 --> 00:25:48,125
We love you, Peter!

399
00:25:48,208 --> 00:25:49,375
Hello, everyone.

400
00:25:49,458 --> 00:25:51,833
All of my life's work,

401
00:25:52,458 --> 00:25:57,416
really, I see has been driven
by an inexpressible need for a friend

402
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,416
who would understand and soothe me.

403
00:26:00,500 --> 00:26:05,791
And you know, now all those years of work
have come to fruition with BASH LiiF,

404
00:26:05,875 --> 00:26:10,375
our new BASH 14.3, uh, phone

405
00:26:10,458 --> 00:26:14,750
is fully integrated
into your every feeling and desire

406
00:26:14,833 --> 00:26:17,333
without you needing
to say one single word.

407
00:26:17,416 --> 00:26:18,291
If I feel…

408
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,291
- Sad.
- Afraid.

409
00:26:20,375 --> 00:26:21,458
Or alone.

410
00:26:21,541 --> 00:26:25,750
The BASH 14.3 phone,
when set to the life setting,

411
00:26:25,833 --> 00:26:28,958
instantly senses my mood
through blood pressure…

412
00:26:29,041 --> 00:26:31,541
Uh, heartbeats and...

413
00:26:31,625 --> 00:26:34,000
<i>Your vitals</i>
<i>show that you are sad.</i>

414
00:26:34,083 --> 00:26:35,833
<i>This will cheer you up, Peter.</i>

415
00:26:43,625 --> 00:26:46,416
Oh, that's wonderful.

416
00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:48,666
That video. Um…

417
00:26:48,750 --> 00:26:52,083
It also, seriously, uh, schedules

418
00:26:52,166 --> 00:26:55,375
a therapy session
with a nearby professional,

419
00:26:55,458 --> 00:27:00,208
so we can make sure that
these sad feelings never ever ever return.

420
00:27:00,291 --> 00:27:02,958
- May I say something, Mr. Isherwell?
- No.

421
00:27:03,041 --> 00:27:07,541
And to support, uh, BASH LiiF,
uh, I wanna officially announce…

422
00:27:07,625 --> 00:27:10,041
Oh, give me the phones. They're not yours.

423
00:27:12,916 --> 00:27:15,125
- Say bye.
- Bye, Mr. Isherwell.

424
00:27:15,208 --> 00:27:16,458
Bye, Peter.

425
00:27:16,541 --> 00:27:18,458
Um, I love you, Peter.

426
00:27:18,541 --> 00:27:21,333
Are you sure the video
of the puppy on the rooster

427
00:27:21,416 --> 00:27:25,416
is optimizing our prepubescent
sense memory consumer sector?

428
00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:27,166
I find the bird quite threatening.

429
00:27:27,250 --> 00:27:30,291
We will cross-check
the data on that, for sure.

430
00:27:30,375 --> 00:27:32,958
Mr. Isherwell, Paul Debent
wanted me to give this to you.

431
00:27:33,041 --> 00:27:35,791
He got it from
an astronomer friend of his in Mexico.

432
00:27:38,166 --> 00:27:39,000
Oh, my.

433
00:27:40,375 --> 00:27:43,000
What other confirmation
do we have on this, Adul?

434
00:27:43,083 --> 00:27:46,416
I've spoken to Dr. Oglethorpe in DC
and he confirmed it and all the math.

435
00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:48,500
Then I showed it
to Dr. Franks at Columbia,

436
00:27:48,583 --> 00:27:50,833
and he almost fell out of his chair.

437
00:27:50,916 --> 00:27:54,875
So, look, I have to admit.
I was very skeptical at first,

438
00:27:54,958 --> 00:27:56,583
but this is all quite credible.

439
00:27:56,666 --> 00:27:58,916
The calculations are credible.

440
00:27:59,416 --> 00:28:00,250
Jesus.

441
00:28:00,750 --> 00:28:02,750
And the president
really said to sit tight?

442
00:28:02,833 --> 00:28:05,583
- Yes. That's correct.
- "Sit tight and assess."

443
00:28:05,666 --> 00:28:07,708
She's probably worried about the midterms.

444
00:28:07,791 --> 00:28:09,375
We need to move fast.

445
00:28:09,458 --> 00:28:11,333
The feds will claim breach of security,

446
00:28:11,416 --> 00:28:13,375
so make sure these two
get a pro bono attorney.

447
00:28:13,458 --> 00:28:16,458
- You can use my attorney.
- You can certainly afford it now.

448
00:28:16,541 --> 00:28:17,833
We're gonna hire a lawyer?

449
00:28:17,916 --> 00:28:20,166
- That wasn't necessary.
- It was.

450
00:28:20,250 --> 00:28:21,791
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry.

451
00:28:21,875 --> 00:28:23,166
That was not called for.

452
00:28:23,250 --> 00:28:25,083
I just have a question here.

453
00:28:25,166 --> 00:28:27,625
How is it criminal if we just tell people,

454
00:28:27,708 --> 00:28:31,000
like the public, you know,
what we saw, and tell them the truth?

455
00:28:31,083 --> 00:28:34,166
Make sure this one gets media training
before he hits the shows.

456
00:28:34,250 --> 00:28:35,875
He seems a step slow.

457
00:28:35,958 --> 00:28:38,083
What does that mean,
I need media training?

458
00:28:39,041 --> 00:28:41,791
They want us on a show
called <i>The Daily Rip</i>

459
00:28:41,875 --> 00:28:44,500
first thing in the morning
before the article comes out.

460
00:28:44,583 --> 00:28:46,416
You guys know what <i>The Daily Rip</i> is?

461
00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:49,000
It's like the best show.
Everyone wants to be on it.

462
00:28:49,083 --> 00:28:50,916
Brie and Jack have legendary chemistry.

463
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:52,250
They asked me to go on once.

464
00:28:52,333 --> 00:28:54,500
I was so excited
I couldn't sleep for two nights,

465
00:28:54,583 --> 00:28:55,916
but then they cut me for time.

466
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:57,750
Still hurts me to think about that.

467
00:28:57,833 --> 00:29:01,583
I know what show you're talking about.
My wife loves that show.

468
00:29:01,666 --> 00:29:04,458
Okay, can you just tell me
what this is all about? Okay?

469
00:29:04,541 --> 00:29:07,916
'Cause you haven't read my article
on Conlon getting hard in the art class.

470
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,791
Now Adul Grelio has come down
from his mountaintop for your thing.

471
00:29:10,875 --> 00:29:13,625
You won't even give me
a lousy pronoun? Come on.

472
00:29:13,708 --> 00:29:16,708
A comet, bigger than the asteroid
that destroyed the dinosaurs,

473
00:29:16,791 --> 00:29:18,166
is headed directly at Earth.

474
00:29:18,250 --> 00:29:20,541
If it isn't deflected,
the entire planet dies.

475
00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:22,625
Wait, what did you just say?

476
00:29:22,708 --> 00:29:24,000
It's for a video game.

477
00:29:27,458 --> 00:29:28,791
Are you being serious?

478
00:29:29,541 --> 00:29:30,541
Yes.

479
00:29:32,791 --> 00:29:34,083
Oh, my God.

480
00:29:44,333 --> 00:29:47,041
Oh, my God! What the fuck, man?

481
00:29:47,125 --> 00:29:49,916
I love you too. All right. Yeah.

482
00:29:50,541 --> 00:29:52,958
Hey, guys,
we gotta keep walking, all right?

483
00:29:53,041 --> 00:29:54,208
Come on.

484
00:30:30,791 --> 00:30:33,458
- You must be Dr. Mindy and Miss Dibiasky?
- Yes.

485
00:30:33,541 --> 00:30:35,833
Jack and Brie are so excited
to have you on the show.

486
00:30:35,916 --> 00:30:37,750
Really? They know who we are?

487
00:30:37,833 --> 00:30:40,166
White House is denying
they even met with them.

488
00:30:40,250 --> 00:30:43,791
Well, assholes will always be assholes.

489
00:30:52,750 --> 00:30:54,625
Hi, I'm Thalia.

490
00:30:54,708 --> 00:30:57,000
The <i>Herald</i> sent me
to help with your wardrobe.

491
00:30:58,416 --> 00:30:59,833
Oh, I'm not wearing that.

492
00:31:01,583 --> 00:31:05,416
Yeah, you actually have
really great facial structure.

493
00:31:05,500 --> 00:31:08,333
How 'bout if we trim
this beard down a little bit and...

494
00:31:08,416 --> 00:31:09,833
I love your hair.

495
00:31:10,625 --> 00:31:11,541
Thank you.

496
00:31:12,375 --> 00:31:15,958
How are we gonna do this?
I talk about the discovery and you…

497
00:31:16,666 --> 00:31:19,083
Talk about how urgent it is
that we take action.

498
00:31:19,166 --> 00:31:21,416
How do we say it? I mean…

499
00:31:22,708 --> 00:31:26,125
- Shouldn't we practice it or write it out?
- Can I get you some water?

500
00:31:26,208 --> 00:31:28,458
Yeah, water. Yeah, water would be nice.

501
00:31:29,625 --> 00:31:32,416
You are here now.
You are here now. You are here now.

502
00:31:32,500 --> 00:31:37,375
Eleven benevolent elephants.
Eleven benevolent elephants.

503
00:31:38,125 --> 00:31:40,041
- Just gonna take some Xanax.
- Hmm.

504
00:31:41,125 --> 00:31:42,833
I take it sometimes when I…

505
00:31:44,458 --> 00:31:46,625
Kate, not this time. Not this time.

506
00:31:51,416 --> 00:31:56,291
He just needs to breathe
and speak up. You know?

507
00:31:56,375 --> 00:31:57,875
He's got this. I know he does.

508
00:32:03,208 --> 00:32:04,458
Oh, God. Come on.

509
00:32:09,041 --> 00:32:12,208
You are here now.
You are here now. You are here now.

510
00:32:12,291 --> 00:32:13,333
You're here now.

511
00:32:17,541 --> 00:32:18,458
Oh, God!

512
00:32:18,541 --> 00:32:20,375
You gotta
stop drinking the cheap shit.

513
00:32:21,750 --> 00:32:23,750
- It's only two glasses.
- Yeah, two and a half.

514
00:32:23,833 --> 00:32:25,541
- We're 20 out.
- Always running late.

515
00:32:25,625 --> 00:32:27,541
Let's make sure that our eye lines,

516
00:32:27,625 --> 00:32:30,250
that we're not looking
at Jack and Brie, please, all right?

517
00:32:30,333 --> 00:32:31,708
And cue the package.

518
00:32:31,791 --> 00:32:33,333
Two glasses. Here we go again.

519
00:32:52,041 --> 00:32:54,708
- Ladies okay?
- Yes. And we're live.

520
00:32:54,791 --> 00:32:58,083
<i>Brie, I've got something for you today.
Listen to this.</i>

521
00:32:58,166 --> 00:33:01,041
<i>President Orlean's Supreme Court nominee,
Sheriff Conlon,</i>

522
00:33:01,125 --> 00:33:06,208
<i>has now been identified
as appearing in a softcore porn cable show</i>

523
00:33:06,291 --> 00:33:07,791
<i>- from the early '90s…</i>
- Ridiculous.

524
00:33:07,875 --> 00:33:10,833
<i>…called</i> Satin Sheet Nights.

525
00:33:10,916 --> 00:33:13,750
<i>- This story just keeps going and going…</i>
<i>- Oh, my gosh.</i>

526
00:33:13,833 --> 00:33:15,125
Is that Riley Bina?

527
00:33:15,208 --> 00:33:17,166
- <i>Yes, well, it's a…</i>
- Really?

528
00:33:19,375 --> 00:33:22,208
She looks a lot smaller
in person, doesn't she?

529
00:33:22,791 --> 00:33:24,750
<i>Ride 'em, cowboy.</i>

530
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:27,333
- <i>Good.</i>
<i>- Hee-haw!</i>

531
00:33:27,416 --> 00:33:30,083
Hey, everyone. I'm Sean from the show.

532
00:33:30,166 --> 00:33:33,875
Uh, we're gonna do… Jack and Brie
are gonna do ten on the SCOTUS nominee.

533
00:33:33,958 --> 00:33:37,250
- Riley Bina, you'll come on and...
- I get to talk about my single, right?

534
00:33:37,333 --> 00:33:40,291
A portion of the profits
goes to the manatee sanctuaries.

535
00:33:40,375 --> 00:33:42,375
Yes, but the, uh, breakup first.

536
00:33:42,458 --> 00:33:45,083
And then Dr. Mindy and Miss Dibiasky,

537
00:33:45,166 --> 00:33:47,583
you'll come on and talk about
that planet you discovered.

538
00:33:47,666 --> 00:33:49,458
Uh… Comet. We found a comet.

539
00:33:49,541 --> 00:33:51,666
They know what we're here
to talk about, right?

540
00:33:51,750 --> 00:33:54,458
Of course. Jack and Brie
love doing science segments.

541
00:33:54,541 --> 00:33:56,375
Just remember, keep it light, fun.

542
00:33:56,458 --> 00:33:58,875
Jack and Brie love having a good time.

543
00:33:58,958 --> 00:34:00,500
That's not promising.

544
00:34:00,583 --> 00:34:03,708
You guys discovered a comet?
That's so dope.

545
00:34:03,791 --> 00:34:05,916
I have a tattoo
of a shooting star on my back.

546
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:07,833
- Oh.
- That's terrific.

547
00:34:13,375 --> 00:34:17,750
We heard about your breakup too,
so we just wanna say…

548
00:34:18,708 --> 00:34:20,333
We're very sorry, right?

549
00:34:20,416 --> 00:34:23,291
We're real sorry.
You seem like a… great person.

550
00:34:24,083 --> 00:34:26,583
Why don't you mind
your own business, you old fuck?

551
00:34:29,500 --> 00:34:30,500
Okay.

552
00:34:33,125 --> 00:34:35,291
Not gonna lie, but, um, my friends

553
00:34:35,375 --> 00:34:38,750
and my Vroom Vroom Army
have been so amazing.

554
00:34:38,833 --> 00:34:42,500
So, I'm really grateful for that.
But, yeah, I can't lie. It's been hard.

555
00:34:42,583 --> 00:34:45,291
- You're an inspiration. It's incredible.
- To so many.

556
00:34:45,375 --> 00:34:47,250
You're really owning that pain.

557
00:34:47,333 --> 00:34:51,041
You know, Jack, I feel like
there's some kind of conversation

558
00:34:51,125 --> 00:34:54,500
that we need to be having here.
Is there any message

559
00:34:54,583 --> 00:34:58,750
that you would like
to send to your, uh, ex, DJ Chello?

560
00:34:59,791 --> 00:35:01,083
You know, um…

561
00:35:01,166 --> 00:35:02,625
If there's something...

562
00:35:02,708 --> 00:35:04,291
- Yeah.
- Right here in this camera.

563
00:35:04,375 --> 00:35:07,666
Tell him. As if that was him.
You tell him exactly what you're thinking.

564
00:35:07,750 --> 00:35:09,208
Okay, um…

565
00:35:11,583 --> 00:35:12,666
Chell.

566
00:35:13,500 --> 00:35:19,250
I still love you,
and, um, after many sleepless nights,

567
00:35:20,750 --> 00:35:21,833
three,

568
00:35:22,541 --> 00:35:23,875
I wanna take you back.

569
00:35:23,958 --> 00:35:25,708
I'm sorry. Whoa, uh…

570
00:35:25,791 --> 00:35:26,875
- Is that okay?
- Yeah.

571
00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:29,875
- <i>He cheated on you.</i>
- Oh, my God. You guys…

572
00:35:29,958 --> 00:35:31,666
Yeah. I do.

573
00:35:31,750 --> 00:35:34,000
- Diddly just exploded.
- So did Vroom Vroom.

574
00:35:34,083 --> 00:35:36,250
BASH News just sent me
eight push notifications.

575
00:35:36,333 --> 00:35:38,166
- About this?
- Yeah, look.

576
00:35:38,250 --> 00:35:40,708
My phone just purchased
DJ Chello's latest single.

577
00:35:40,791 --> 00:35:42,875
What the… It just did that without asking.

578
00:35:42,958 --> 00:35:45,791
I'm being told that
we have DJ Chello live on a Mugg link.

579
00:35:45,875 --> 00:35:48,791
- What's he got to say for himself?
- I love the producers here.

580
00:35:48,875 --> 00:35:50,125
<i>Hey, baby doll. Hey.</i>

581
00:35:50,208 --> 00:35:52,083
- Hi. Hi, baby.
- He's in tears.

582
00:35:52,166 --> 00:35:54,083
<i>- Your kid messed up bad.</i>
- I know.

583
00:35:54,166 --> 00:35:56,666
<i>Lady Baroque wasn't wearing
any panties in the club that night.</i>

584
00:35:56,750 --> 00:35:58,416
- It's fine.
<i>- I just got all crazy.</i>

585
00:35:58,500 --> 00:36:00,416
<i>I wasn't thinking straight.
I made a mistake.</i>

586
00:36:00,500 --> 00:36:02,375
<i>But, look, it's always been you.</i>

587
00:36:02,458 --> 00:36:04,791
Oh! I get it. It's okay.

588
00:36:04,875 --> 00:36:07,583
<i>I hooked up with her too,
last year at the Music Globes</i>

589
00:36:07,666 --> 00:36:10,000
<i>right before I ran off
with that power forward from the Nuggets,</i>

590
00:36:10,083 --> 00:36:12,250
and none of that matters.

591
00:36:12,333 --> 00:36:15,916
What about "Forget breakup sex.
Try breakup relationship"?

592
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:17,166
- That's good.
- Come on.

593
00:36:17,250 --> 00:36:20,166
"Ten famous second chances
for two-timers," guys.

594
00:36:20,250 --> 00:36:21,166
It's on a plate.

595
00:36:21,250 --> 00:36:25,125
<i>I've been scared, but, honestly,
I'm not scared anymore.</i>

596
00:36:25,208 --> 00:36:26,041
Okay.

597
00:36:26,125 --> 00:36:28,958
<i>My little bumblebee, will you marry me?</i>

598
00:36:29,041 --> 00:36:31,625
- Oh, my God. Of course.
- Oh, wow.

599
00:36:31,708 --> 00:36:33,208
<i>- Chell, of course.</i>
<i>- Yes!</i>

600
00:36:33,291 --> 00:36:35,416
<i>- Yes!</i>
- That's sick.

601
00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:36,333
<i>Yes!</i>

602
00:36:36,416 --> 00:36:38,791
All right, DJ Chello.

603
00:36:38,875 --> 00:36:40,875
What is happening?

604
00:36:40,958 --> 00:36:41,916
Just bought another.

605
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,916
- Who are these people again?
- They're like the biggest names…

606
00:36:46,583 --> 00:36:49,625
Well, the fireworks
have certainly gone off today.

607
00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:50,875
- They have.
- What a zinger!

608
00:36:50,958 --> 00:36:52,458
Yes, they have.

609
00:36:52,541 --> 00:36:55,250
From a wedding proposal
to a little science experiment.

610
00:36:55,333 --> 00:36:57,250
I'll need a temple rub
and a martini later on.

611
00:36:57,333 --> 00:37:02,041
Our last guests today have made
a pretty big discovery in space.

612
00:37:02,125 --> 00:37:04,041
Astronomer Dr. Randall Mindy

613
00:37:04,125 --> 00:37:07,208
and PhD candidate
Miss Kate Dibiasky are here.

614
00:37:07,291 --> 00:37:08,333
Welcome to the show.

615
00:37:08,416 --> 00:37:11,583
Can I ask you one thing before we go
any further? I have to know this.

616
00:37:11,666 --> 00:37:14,208
Is there life out there?

617
00:37:14,291 --> 00:37:17,708
- Can you tell us? Yes or no, final answer.
- We don't have the data.

618
00:37:17,791 --> 00:37:19,958
But sure, in the vastness
of space, why not?

619
00:37:20,041 --> 00:37:21,541
Yes, aliens are real.

620
00:37:21,625 --> 00:37:24,166
I knew I'd like this guy.
Didn't I tell? You owe me 50 bucks.

621
00:37:24,250 --> 00:37:27,000
I'm not saying there's
little green men in flying saucers...

622
00:37:27,083 --> 00:37:30,208
- Please don't encourage him, Dr. Mindy.
- That's what he's saying.

623
00:37:30,291 --> 00:37:31,708
We'll never get out of here.

624
00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:33,541
Now, Jack was having some fun here.

625
00:37:33,625 --> 00:37:35,166
- Dad looks great.
- What did…

626
00:37:35,250 --> 00:37:37,583
- Doesn't he look good?
- They did something with his beard.

627
00:37:37,666 --> 00:37:39,583
With the aliens…

628
00:37:39,666 --> 00:37:41,458
Really… He really does.

629
00:37:41,541 --> 00:37:43,625
- So much.
- Dr. Randall…

630
00:37:43,708 --> 00:37:47,125
You'll regret it. Now, look,
Jack's just having some fun here

631
00:37:47,208 --> 00:37:48,875
with the aliens or whatever,

632
00:37:48,958 --> 00:37:53,250
but there's a <i>New York Herald</i> story
that's just come out that talks about…

633
00:37:53,333 --> 00:37:55,375
Keep it right there. You're doing good.

634
00:37:55,458 --> 00:37:57,833
- …the two of you have made.
- That's right, Brie.

635
00:37:57,916 --> 00:38:00,958
Kate was, um, observing supernovas…

636
00:38:01,041 --> 00:38:02,583
Yo, that's your girl?

637
00:38:02,666 --> 00:38:05,083
- Yeah.
- Not bad.

638
00:38:05,166 --> 00:38:09,625
…an absolutely shocking
and once-in-a-lifetime discovery.

639
00:38:09,708 --> 00:38:13,000
I had no idea that Subaru made telescopes.

640
00:38:13,083 --> 00:38:16,166
This has to be exciting.
Tell us what you found, Miss Diabasky.

641
00:38:16,250 --> 00:38:20,250
Um, I was monitoring exploding stars

642
00:38:20,333 --> 00:38:26,750
to help measure
the expansion of the universe and...

643
00:38:26,833 --> 00:38:28,875
- For your PhD, right?
- Yeah.

644
00:38:28,958 --> 00:38:33,125
I saw something I didn't recognize.

645
00:38:34,541 --> 00:38:36,041
<i>It was a comet.</i>

646
00:38:37,041 --> 00:38:38,166
<i>A big one.</i>

647
00:38:40,708 --> 00:38:44,583
It's headed directly at Earth,
and it really likely will hit.

648
00:38:45,916 --> 00:38:47,791
This sounds very, very exciting.

649
00:38:47,875 --> 00:38:50,458
Exploding stars, like,
stars actually explode.

650
00:38:50,541 --> 00:38:51,708
Um, how big is this thing?

651
00:38:51,791 --> 00:38:54,083
Can it destroy someone's house?
Is that possible?

652
00:38:54,166 --> 00:38:57,333
Well, Comet Dibiasky, which is
what it will officially be named...

653
00:38:57,416 --> 00:38:58,833
- After her?
- Yeah, after her.

654
00:38:58,916 --> 00:39:01,583
- Congratulations.
- What an honor. Congratulations.

655
00:39:01,666 --> 00:39:04,166
It's somewhere between
six and nine kilometers across.

656
00:39:04,250 --> 00:39:05,583
- So...
- It's big.

657
00:39:05,666 --> 00:39:08,875
It would damage the entire planet.

658
00:39:08,958 --> 00:39:10,583
Not just a house, you know?

659
00:39:10,666 --> 00:39:11,708
The entire planet.

660
00:39:11,791 --> 00:39:14,708
Okay, as it's damaging,
will it hit this one house in particular

661
00:39:14,791 --> 00:39:17,875
that's right on the coast of New Jersey?
It's my ex-wife's house.

662
00:39:17,958 --> 00:39:19,208
Can we make that happen?

663
00:39:19,291 --> 00:39:21,708
You and Shelly have
a great relationship. Stop.

664
00:39:21,791 --> 00:39:23,125
You need to stop.

665
00:39:23,208 --> 00:39:26,125
I will, but in all fairness,
I actually paid for the house.

666
00:39:26,208 --> 00:39:27,500
I'm so sorry.

667
00:39:27,583 --> 00:39:30,583
I'm sorry, are we not being clear?

668
00:39:31,916 --> 00:39:33,791
We're trying to tell you

669
00:39:33,875 --> 00:39:37,291
that the entire planet
is about to be destroyed.

670
00:39:37,958 --> 00:39:40,291
- Okay, um…
- Well, it's, you know…

671
00:39:40,375 --> 00:39:43,625
It's something we do around here.
We just keep the bad news light.

672
00:39:43,708 --> 00:39:45,625
Right. It helps the medicine go down.

673
00:39:45,708 --> 00:39:47,666
Speaking of medicine, tomorrow we've got...

674
00:39:47,750 --> 00:39:51,541
Well, maybe the destruction
of the entire planet

675
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:53,833
isn't supposed to be fun.

676
00:39:54,625 --> 00:39:58,250
Maybe it's supposed to be terrifying.

677
00:39:58,333 --> 00:39:59,333
<i>And unsettling.</i>

678
00:39:59,416 --> 00:40:01,125
No, please don't do that.

679
00:40:01,208 --> 00:40:03,333
<i>- And you should stay up all night…</i>
- Please.

680
00:40:03,416 --> 00:40:05,250
…every night crying,

681
00:40:05,333 --> 00:40:09,750
when we're all 100%
for sure gonna fucking die!

682
00:40:10,500 --> 00:40:12,416
Hey, Kate.

683
00:40:12,500 --> 00:40:13,500
<i>I'm sorry.</i>

684
00:40:14,875 --> 00:40:15,708
Hey, man.

685
00:40:16,375 --> 00:40:19,708
My brother has bipolar disorder.
So if you ever need anyone to talk…

686
00:40:20,708 --> 00:40:22,583
- Uh…
- Okay.

687
00:40:22,666 --> 00:40:25,583
Is she always like that?

688
00:40:26,291 --> 00:40:28,083
- I...
- Something I said?

689
00:40:28,166 --> 00:40:30,083
Right?

690
00:40:30,166 --> 00:40:33,625
Maybe I should have given her
that extra Xanax that I had.

691
00:40:34,791 --> 00:40:38,208
Listen, if you don't have enough,
we all have enough around here for her.

692
00:40:38,291 --> 00:40:41,166
A spoonful of Xanax
makes the medicine go down, right?

693
00:40:41,250 --> 00:40:42,916
That's right. That's good.

694
00:40:43,916 --> 00:40:47,166
- We're gonna have to get you back.
- I knew I'd like this guy.

695
00:40:47,250 --> 00:40:49,333
- Is he a plant?
- I knew it.

696
00:40:49,416 --> 00:40:50,333
Okay.

697
00:40:50,416 --> 00:40:52,791
Well, the handsome astronomer

698
00:40:52,875 --> 00:40:56,375
can come back anytime,
but the yelling lady, not so much.

699
00:40:56,458 --> 00:40:59,416
Not so much. Join us tomorrow
when our guest will be the man

700
00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:03,083
that many say will challenge
President Orlean in two years.

701
00:41:03,166 --> 00:41:05,166
Senator Jeff Lerner will be here.

702
00:41:05,250 --> 00:41:08,000
And wrongly-convicted murderer,
Michelle Weems,

703
00:41:08,083 --> 00:41:12,375
talks to us about her controversial
third-place finish on <i>Celebrity Dance Off.</i>

704
00:41:12,458 --> 00:41:15,833
- I thought she would've won.
- Yes. I still think she's guilty.

705
00:41:15,916 --> 00:41:18,083
- That's <i>The Daily Rip,</i> guys.
- Have a great day.

706
00:41:18,666 --> 00:41:20,583
- And we're out!
- The show's over?

707
00:41:20,666 --> 00:41:21,958
- I mean, didn't…
- Yeah.

708
00:41:22,041 --> 00:41:24,500
- Did what we wanted to say come across?
- No, it's over.

709
00:41:24,583 --> 00:41:28,500
You were great, but I think mullet girl,
she probably needs some media training.

710
00:41:29,625 --> 00:41:31,291
- Really?
- Yeah, no, terrible, buddy.

711
00:41:31,375 --> 00:41:33,916
Oh… Thanks. Thanks, Billy.

712
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:39,500
Uh, we usually get drinks at Aundrine's
after our five o'clock staff meeting.

713
00:41:39,583 --> 00:41:42,041
You know, it's fun. You should come.

714
00:41:42,125 --> 00:41:45,041
Oh, I'll have to see.
Thank you for the invitation. Thank you.

715
00:41:45,583 --> 00:41:46,583
Mmm-hmm.

716
00:41:47,916 --> 00:41:49,291
Kate? Kate?

717
00:41:49,375 --> 00:41:52,250
- Hey. You were awesome.
- Oh, thanks.

718
00:41:52,333 --> 00:41:54,291
Can I get a photo of you for my portfolio?

719
00:41:54,375 --> 00:41:55,666
- Yeah, sure.
- Thanks.

720
00:41:55,750 --> 00:41:57,083
Thank you.

721
00:41:57,666 --> 00:41:59,166
You can see this spike here

722
00:41:59,250 --> 00:42:01,375
is when Riley Bina
asked to take DJ Chello back

723
00:42:01,458 --> 00:42:02,750
on the segment before you.

724
00:42:02,833 --> 00:42:06,041
We saw engagement across
all social media platforms.

725
00:42:06,125 --> 00:42:08,916
Hmm. And what about our story?

726
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,958
Randall and Kate,

727
00:42:12,041 --> 00:42:15,750
{\an8}your TV appearance got some nice traffic
when Miss Dibiasky cursed.

728
00:42:15,833 --> 00:42:19,041
{\an8}But, unfortunately,
there was an immediate backlash

729
00:42:19,125 --> 00:42:20,833
{\an8}that quickly became a meme.

730
00:42:20,916 --> 00:42:22,208
Oh, Jesus.

731
00:42:22,875 --> 00:42:26,250
- Oh, that's terrible.
- They just think I'm crazy.

732
00:42:26,333 --> 00:42:29,333
I mean, look at that.
That's so unnecessary.

733
00:42:30,708 --> 00:42:33,125
- You can move on, Erin.
- Yeah.

734
00:42:33,208 --> 00:42:35,916
That is just so…
Is that even allowed on the Internet or…

735
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:37,625
I think that's Photoshop, Kate.

736
00:42:37,708 --> 00:42:40,083
The trick is
to not take it personal…

737
00:42:40,166 --> 00:42:44,458
Dr. Mindy, on the other hand,
had some very high favorables.

738
00:42:44,541 --> 00:42:49,125
Vegan♪Babe wrote,
"Meow! Me likey hunky Star Man."

739
00:42:49,208 --> 00:42:52,208
Uh, some accounts called him
"The Bedroom Eyes Doomsday Prophet"

740
00:42:52,291 --> 00:42:55,083
or A-I-L-F, which means
"astronomer I'd like to fuck."

741
00:42:55,166 --> 00:42:56,041
Oh…

742
00:42:56,125 --> 00:42:58,666
I don't see what that has
to do with anything, do you?

743
00:42:59,375 --> 00:43:02,500
And that's everything.

744
00:43:02,583 --> 00:43:05,666
We did not feature or push on any sites,

745
00:43:05,750 --> 00:43:09,083
and clicks overall were below
basic weather and traffic stories.

746
00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:12,500
So that… That… That's it?

747
00:43:12,583 --> 00:43:14,333
- I knew it.
- That's it.

748
00:43:15,250 --> 00:43:17,833
- Thank you, Erin.
- Yeah, no problem.

749
00:43:18,500 --> 00:43:20,750
I don't… I don't understand.

750
00:43:20,833 --> 00:43:22,666
I don't understand. There's no response.

751
00:43:22,750 --> 00:43:27,375
There's absolutely no…
Why aren't people terrified?

752
00:43:27,458 --> 00:43:29,458
What do we have to say?
What do we have to do?

753
00:43:29,541 --> 00:43:32,916
There are scientists in Mexico and Spain
who are currently going through the data,

754
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:34,708
and, uh, South Korea has expressed...

755
00:43:34,791 --> 00:43:36,500
- That's great. South Korea.
- Hey.

756
00:43:36,583 --> 00:43:39,041
Let us not bullshit each other.

757
00:43:39,125 --> 00:43:42,791
The bottom line is,
you guys told us the science was 100%.

758
00:43:42,875 --> 00:43:44,625
It's not. Now we look like idiots.

759
00:43:44,708 --> 00:43:47,291
- No. Who said the science is not 100%?
- Excuse me?

760
00:43:47,375 --> 00:43:50,250
I wanna talk to this person.
You tell me who said the science...

761
00:43:50,333 --> 00:43:53,333
Dr. Jocelyn Calder, the head of NASA,

762
00:43:53,416 --> 00:43:56,625
just came out calling it
"more near-miss hysteria."

763
00:43:56,708 --> 00:43:58,625
She's the one
who told us not to say anything.

764
00:43:58,708 --> 00:44:00,083
"More near-miss hysteria."

765
00:44:00,166 --> 00:44:01,291
Is she even an astronomer?

766
00:44:01,375 --> 00:44:04,458
She's the head of NASA, but maybe
she doesn't know what she's talking about.

767
00:44:04,541 --> 00:44:05,958
She's the head of NASA, but look,

768
00:44:06,041 --> 00:44:09,875
she's a "former anesthesiologist
and a President Orlean super donor."

769
00:44:09,958 --> 00:44:11,583
Let's not be dramatic here.

770
00:44:11,666 --> 00:44:12,666
It's all corrupt.

771
00:44:12,750 --> 00:44:16,416
Yes, but the point is that Adul's right.
There's still serious debate.

772
00:44:16,500 --> 00:44:18,708
And now the <i>Herald</i> has egg on its face.

773
00:44:18,791 --> 00:44:20,916
We've taken that story as far as it goes.

774
00:44:21,666 --> 00:44:25,625
Ladies, gentlemen,
I wish you a very pleasant end of times.

775
00:44:25,708 --> 00:44:27,708
It's not a goddamn story, okay?

776
00:44:30,208 --> 00:44:32,916
We have precisely six months, ten days,

777
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:36,250
two hours, 11 minutes and 41 seconds,

778
00:44:36,333 --> 00:44:39,000
until a comet twice the size of Chicxulub

779
00:44:39,083 --> 00:44:41,833
tears through our atmosphere
and extincts all life on Earth.

780
00:44:41,916 --> 00:44:44,833
When did you
do those calculations?

781
00:44:45,666 --> 00:44:48,250
I put the moment of impact on a diet app.

782
00:44:48,333 --> 00:44:51,958
So, impact is when my diet ends.

783
00:44:52,041 --> 00:44:56,125
Only I'm not on a diet.
I'm just crying five times a day.

784
00:44:56,208 --> 00:44:58,125
- I'm scared.
- Hey, come on. Come on.

785
00:44:58,833 --> 00:45:01,416
Everyone should be
panicking right now, okay?

786
00:45:01,500 --> 00:45:03,416
- Don't cry. Come on.
- I know.

787
00:45:06,833 --> 00:45:08,291
That prick!

788
00:45:16,500 --> 00:45:17,666
What happened?

789
00:45:17,750 --> 00:45:20,083
Guess my boyfriend just broke up with me.

790
00:45:20,166 --> 00:45:24,500
God, what a day. What a day…

791
00:45:32,666 --> 00:45:35,958
You're gonna die!
You're gonna die! You're…

792
00:45:46,291 --> 00:45:49,708
<i>It started with</i>
<i>a photo many thought was an armpit</i>

793
00:45:49,791 --> 00:45:52,458
<i>or the chin of a man with a strange beard.</i>

794
00:45:52,541 --> 00:45:54,833
<i>But what's emerging now is a scandal…</i>

795
00:45:54,916 --> 00:45:57,833
{\an8}<i>President Orlean sent
her Supreme Court nominee</i>

796
00:45:57,916 --> 00:46:00,583
{\an8}<i>a cell phone picture of her private parts.</i>

797
00:46:00,666 --> 00:46:02,708
<i>- Holy crap!</i>
<i>- It's clickbait material.</i>

798
00:46:02,791 --> 00:46:05,250
<i>Is this what you want
in your country as a leader?</i>

799
00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:07,708
<i>Isn't she the same person
who told poor people</i>

800
00:46:07,791 --> 00:46:11,833
<i>that if they don't wanna be poor,
they should pick better lottery numbers?</i>

801
00:46:11,916 --> 00:46:12,958
<i>She actually said that.</i>

802
00:46:13,041 --> 00:46:14,541
{\an8}<i>A source also confirmed to me that</i>

803
00:46:14,625 --> 00:46:16,750
{\an8}<i>the two have been
having an affair for years.</i>

804
00:46:16,833 --> 00:46:18,416
<i>And as recently as yesterday…</i>

805
00:46:18,500 --> 00:46:22,583
Members of my party
are currently drawing up a formal censure

806
00:46:22,666 --> 00:46:23,625
<i>of the president,</i>

807
00:46:24,583 --> 00:46:25,500
<i>Janie Orlean…</i>

808
00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:26,916
Oh, my God, honey.

809
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:29,791
This guy doesn't even know
what a heliocentric orbit is,

810
00:46:29,875 --> 00:46:32,625
and he's calling me a crackpot.

811
00:46:32,708 --> 00:46:33,708
He says that,

812
00:46:34,541 --> 00:46:38,166
"Jewish billionaires
invented this comet threat

813
00:46:38,250 --> 00:46:42,125
so the government
can confiscate our liberty and our guns."

814
00:46:42,208 --> 00:46:45,500
"#DontBeScared." Unbelievable.

815
00:46:46,208 --> 00:46:47,041
My God.

816
00:46:47,125 --> 00:46:49,041
You've been on that site a lot lately.

817
00:46:49,625 --> 00:46:54,833
Yeah. I mean, I… I have, like,
a quarter million subscribers, honey.

818
00:46:54,916 --> 00:46:57,875
I gotta use my voice
to get the truth out there, right?

819
00:46:58,833 --> 00:47:01,916
I'm, uh, going for a walk
if you wanna come.

820
00:47:05,208 --> 00:47:07,750
It is called
the scientific method…

821
00:47:08,750 --> 00:47:11,666
…and it is what created the computer

822
00:47:11,750 --> 00:47:16,666
that you are typing
your half-witted conspiracy theories on.

823
00:47:18,125 --> 00:47:19,708
What do you think about that?

824
00:47:20,750 --> 00:47:21,958
Randall?

825
00:47:22,750 --> 00:47:25,250
- Yeah, honey?
- Someone's here to see you.

826
00:47:25,916 --> 00:47:28,083
Who? Oh, boy.

827
00:47:31,416 --> 00:47:32,500
Oh, my gosh.

828
00:47:33,541 --> 00:47:35,458
Oh, God, right. Okay.

829
00:47:36,541 --> 00:47:37,375
Right.

830
00:47:37,875 --> 00:47:39,166
Are you Dr. Randall Mindy?

831
00:47:39,250 --> 00:47:40,416
<i>Yes, sir. I am.</i>

832
00:47:41,791 --> 00:47:43,833
"We're all gonna die."

833
00:47:43,916 --> 00:47:45,708
Fuck off, please.

834
00:47:48,750 --> 00:47:51,958
FBI! Freeze! Get on your knees right now!
Get on your knees!

835
00:47:52,708 --> 00:47:55,500
You're under arrest
for breach of national security secrets.

836
00:47:55,583 --> 00:47:56,458
Jesus Christ!

837
00:47:56,541 --> 00:48:00,125
You could've just called me
or showed up to my apartment.

838
00:48:01,208 --> 00:48:03,208
What are you, dressed up as a blind guy?

839
00:48:05,666 --> 00:48:08,583
- Get on the ground!
- Okay. Now be cool.

840
00:48:09,541 --> 00:48:12,083
I just have
more skin pigmentation than you.

841
00:48:12,166 --> 00:48:15,083
'Cause your ancestors
migrated to Northern Europe

842
00:48:15,166 --> 00:48:17,250
and developed lighter skin
so as to not get…

843
00:48:19,500 --> 00:48:22,958
Unless you assholes
are taking me to the Batcave,

844
00:48:23,041 --> 00:48:24,791
fuck you for putting this hood on me.

845
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,541
Watch out for him.
He'll charge you for free shit.

846
00:48:30,208 --> 00:48:32,583
What's he doing here?
Is he here for us?

847
00:48:33,250 --> 00:48:34,625
Gentlemen, you can come in.

848
00:48:39,208 --> 00:48:41,541
I think
it was Winston Churchill who…

849
00:48:41,625 --> 00:48:47,500
Or maybe it was Bobby Knight
who said, "The great labor of leadership

850
00:48:47,583 --> 00:48:51,083
is to lay down one's yoke of pride

851
00:48:51,833 --> 00:48:54,791
and admit that mistakes were made."

852
00:48:54,875 --> 00:48:58,041
You were deceived,
as was I, but the end result was,

853
00:48:58,125 --> 00:49:01,791
we had our scientists who went to,
uh, the prestigious schools of Harvard,

854
00:49:01,875 --> 00:49:03,000
Princeton, et cetera.

855
00:49:03,500 --> 00:49:08,416
They confirmed the data.
So we would like to offer you a…

856
00:49:09,916 --> 00:49:12,000
Presidential apology.

857
00:49:12,083 --> 00:49:13,000
Really?

858
00:49:13,750 --> 00:49:16,625
And we are fully prepared to mobilize

859
00:49:16,708 --> 00:49:19,583
in historic fashion
in order to save this planet.

860
00:49:21,666 --> 00:49:23,875
The best news
we've heard in a long time.

861
00:49:23,958 --> 00:49:27,541
So, basically, what you're saying is

862
00:49:27,625 --> 00:49:31,458
you're about to lose the midterms
'cause you got caught

863
00:49:31,541 --> 00:49:35,625
sending pictures of your cooch
to your porn-star sheriff boyfriend.

864
00:49:35,708 --> 00:49:39,625
So now it's to your advantage
to act on the comet?

865
00:49:41,541 --> 00:49:42,708
Right.

866
00:49:42,791 --> 00:49:44,041
Okay.

867
00:49:44,666 --> 00:49:46,000
Okay. I'm just…

868
00:49:47,791 --> 00:49:51,041
God, I'm so relieved
that you guys are doing something.

869
00:49:51,125 --> 00:49:54,708
- Hey, come on. Hey.
- This has been really…

870
00:49:54,791 --> 00:49:56,958
- Really, really hard.
- Come here.

871
00:49:57,041 --> 00:50:00,166
This has been really, really,
really stressful on all of us.

872
00:50:00,250 --> 00:50:01,291
Yes, I will agree.

873
00:50:01,375 --> 00:50:03,583
This will take some
heavy weight off all of us...

874
00:50:03,666 --> 00:50:06,583
Sorry, you just look
so bad when you cry.

875
00:50:06,666 --> 00:50:08,458
Maybe, possibly.

876
00:50:08,541 --> 00:50:10,458
People are gonna ask
why we didn't act earlier.

877
00:50:10,541 --> 00:50:12,958
So you're gonna have
to take the hit on this one.

878
00:50:13,041 --> 00:50:16,083
Yeah, but we'll take care
of you down the road, Jocelyn.

879
00:50:16,750 --> 00:50:18,375
- We will.
- Of course, Janie.

880
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:21,500
I will resign in disgrace
first thing tomorrow.

881
00:50:21,583 --> 00:50:24,291
- Good. Yeah, good.
- That's weird as hell.

882
00:50:24,375 --> 00:50:26,458
She's an anesthesiologist.

883
00:50:26,541 --> 00:50:29,541
I'm going to make a statement,

884
00:50:29,625 --> 00:50:32,166
presidential statement
to the American people.

885
00:50:32,250 --> 00:50:35,041
And we're not gonna tell
the press about it ahead of time

886
00:50:35,125 --> 00:50:37,916
because that way
it will have the appearance

887
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,666
of a breaking emergency sort of…

888
00:50:39,750 --> 00:50:42,166
<i>Good things</i>
<i>come to those who wait.</i>

889
00:50:42,250 --> 00:50:44,166
<i>See?</i>

890
00:50:44,250 --> 00:50:45,375
<i>Whoo!</i>

891
00:50:45,458 --> 00:50:47,125
<i>Oh, my God!</i>

892
00:50:50,125 --> 00:50:53,166
<i>We interrupt this broadcast</i>
<i>of</i> Jackpot Fiancé

893
00:50:53,250 --> 00:50:56,500
<i>for an emergency message
from the president of the United States.</i>

894
00:50:59,916 --> 00:51:02,875
<i>Citizens of the United States
and peoples of the world,</i>

895
00:51:03,458 --> 00:51:04,791
<i>I have just been handed</i>

896
00:51:04,875 --> 00:51:09,000
scientific findings that
confirm a worst-case scenario.

897
00:51:10,625 --> 00:51:14,833
An unprecedented comet,
nine kilometers wide,

898
00:51:14,916 --> 00:51:21,333
is now on a direct collision course
with our cherished home, planet Earth.

899
00:51:21,416 --> 00:51:24,666
{\an8}<i>Estimated time of arrival
is approximately five months from now.</i>

900
00:51:24,750 --> 00:51:25,666
{\an8}<i>So we have…</i>

901
00:51:25,750 --> 00:51:27,958
We've drawn up a massive
Congressional spending bill…

902
00:51:28,041 --> 00:51:31,791
I have already put together an emergency
spending package for Congress…

903
00:51:31,875 --> 00:51:34,083
…that the Senate
and the House have agreed upon.

904
00:51:34,166 --> 00:51:35,000
That's good to hear.

905
00:51:35,083 --> 00:51:39,166
<i>And that will enable NASA
and our great military</i>

906
00:51:39,250 --> 00:51:41,083
<i>to launch a preemptive strike,</i>

907
00:51:42,541 --> 00:51:46,250
using decommissioned
space shuttles and satellites

908
00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:49,041
loaded with nuclear explosives.

909
00:51:49,125 --> 00:51:53,333
We will blow Comet Dibiasky
off her course…

910
00:51:53,416 --> 00:51:55,458
But we're gonna need a hero.

911
00:51:55,541 --> 00:51:58,791
We're gonna need a pilot, real guns and…

912
00:51:58,875 --> 00:52:02,250
Shouldn't this mission be accomplished
using remote technology?

913
00:52:02,333 --> 00:52:04,541
Washington's always gotta have a hero.

914
00:52:04,625 --> 00:52:06,000
I have asked

915
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:13,000
Medal of Freedom recipient
and outspoken patriot, Benedict Drask,

916
00:52:13,083 --> 00:52:16,250
<i>to undertake this difficult and…</i>

917
00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:18,958
I'm sorry.
Isn't he the mercenary gentleman

918
00:52:19,041 --> 00:52:22,416
that was screaming at all those children
on the White House lawn?

919
00:52:22,500 --> 00:52:25,916
Yeah.
He was given the honor of leading

920
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:29,333
the presidential initiative
in getting kids to exercise.

921
00:52:29,416 --> 00:52:31,250
Get a little air into it, you lard-ass…

922
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:34,333
You look like a goddamn bunch of pussies.

923
00:52:34,416 --> 00:52:36,666
- I'm sorry.
- He's just of another generation.

924
00:52:36,750 --> 00:52:38,083
You know, I used to date him.

925
00:52:38,166 --> 00:52:41,375
Know what happened to the last pussy
I worked with in combat?

926
00:52:41,458 --> 00:52:43,250
You ever see inside a man's torso?

927
00:52:47,416 --> 00:52:49,541
Benedict Drask reporting for duty.

928
00:52:51,708 --> 00:52:53,791
<i>- Thank you for the…</i>
- He's gonna be fantastic.

929
00:52:53,875 --> 00:52:55,458
{\an8}He's got a great voice.

930
00:52:55,541 --> 00:52:58,166
{\an8}- We're gonna let him make a statement.
<i>- Some are saying this is a…</i>

931
00:52:58,250 --> 00:52:59,625
He's got a great body too.

932
00:52:59,708 --> 00:53:01,250
- <i>He does.</i>
<i>- Yeah.</i>

933
00:53:01,333 --> 00:53:02,958
<i>…suicide mission.</i>

934
00:53:03,041 --> 00:53:04,458
Well, all I ask is,

935
00:53:05,541 --> 00:53:06,875
if I get snuffed,

936
00:53:08,041 --> 00:53:11,458
that you all earn
the extra living my sacrifice gives you.

937
00:53:11,541 --> 00:53:14,000
The extra living
my sacrifice gives them.

938
00:53:14,625 --> 00:53:16,500
{\an8}- Right?
- I wrote that.

939
00:53:16,583 --> 00:53:18,708
Isn't that from <i>Saving Private Ryan?</i>

940
00:53:18,791 --> 00:53:21,708
- Yes.
- No, that's something totally different.

941
00:53:21,791 --> 00:53:25,500
And special thanks should also go
to this team of scientists behind me…

942
00:53:25,583 --> 00:53:28,250
<i>We're gonna need</i>
<i>everybody's help on this.</i>

943
00:53:28,333 --> 00:53:30,208
Everybody.

944
00:53:30,291 --> 00:53:33,916
All have to pitch in
and push out this message.

945
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,458
…African-American scientist.

946
00:53:35,541 --> 00:53:37,125
Miss Dibiasky, she…

947
00:53:37,208 --> 00:53:40,583
And we have Kate Dibiasky,
who the comet is named after,

948
00:53:40,666 --> 00:53:42,458
but don't blame her.

949
00:53:42,541 --> 00:53:46,166
…connects with the disaffected youth
and the mentally ill.

950
00:53:46,250 --> 00:53:48,125
- And other marginal groups.
- Thank you.

951
00:53:48,208 --> 00:53:51,500
- We'll do whatever we can.
- As long as you do the right thing.

952
00:53:51,583 --> 00:53:52,916
We're there for you.

953
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:56,250
Especially you, Dr. Mindy,
because you poll so much higher

954
00:53:56,333 --> 00:53:58,666
than your colleagues.
It's wild.

955
00:53:58,750 --> 00:54:04,250
He will help us destroy
our common enemy, Dibiasky.

956
00:54:04,875 --> 00:54:07,041
Wonderful. Well, I think we're done.

957
00:54:07,125 --> 00:54:08,666
Yep, okay. Let's go.

958
00:54:08,750 --> 00:54:10,291
Can I say something?

959
00:54:10,375 --> 00:54:12,583
We've been dying to hear
what you gotta say.

960
00:54:13,250 --> 00:54:14,375
I didn't vote for you.

961
00:54:16,541 --> 00:54:22,708
But this is obviously
much bigger than my misgivings.

962
00:54:22,791 --> 00:54:27,125
So I will be 100% behind this effort.

963
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:31,791
No matter how offensive I may find you.

964
00:54:31,875 --> 00:54:34,375
Hmm. Wow. That's great.

965
00:54:34,458 --> 00:54:36,291
Yeah. That's really nice.

966
00:54:36,375 --> 00:54:39,208
You know, I did have the FBI
put that bag over your head.

967
00:54:39,291 --> 00:54:42,291
They don't do that.
The CIA does, but I made them do it.

968
00:54:42,375 --> 00:54:45,083
You know, I had a feeling. I really did.

969
00:54:45,958 --> 00:54:48,416
It's a good feeling
'cause that is what I did.

970
00:54:48,500 --> 00:54:51,291
- And it was very funny and cool.
- Okay.

971
00:54:51,375 --> 00:54:55,458
May Jesus Christ
bless every single one of you,

972
00:54:56,208 --> 00:54:59,333
especially the honorable members
of my own party.

973
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:01,125
We will prevail.

974
00:55:31,708 --> 00:55:35,208
<i>We're all gonna die!</i>

975
00:55:35,291 --> 00:55:38,083
<i>Guys, this comet
is seriously stressing me out.</i>

976
00:55:38,166 --> 00:55:40,250
<i>Well, it's coming. People gotta dig in.</i>

977
00:55:40,333 --> 00:55:42,708
<i>I already got buyers
for these shovels on e-market.</i>

978
00:55:42,791 --> 00:55:46,833
<i>Clean sweep for President Orlean
in these midterm elections.</i>

979
00:55:46,916 --> 00:55:49,250
- <i>…how hot he is.</i>
<i>- Thousand bucks a pop.</i>

980
00:55:53,375 --> 00:55:56,916
…discharge the duties
on which I am about to enter.

981
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:58,083
"So help you God."

982
00:55:58,166 --> 00:56:00,416
- So help me God.
- Congratulations.

983
00:56:01,708 --> 00:56:05,458
{\an8}<i>We have talk of</i>
<i>a Nobel Peace Prize in the offing.</i>

984
00:56:05,541 --> 00:56:08,833
<i>He's not hot.</i>

985
00:56:23,750 --> 00:56:25,041
<i>Hello, Sammy.</i>

986
00:56:25,125 --> 00:56:28,416
<i>Are you really a doctor?</i>

987
00:56:28,500 --> 00:56:31,750
<i>Well, sort of. I'm an astronomer.</i>

988
00:56:31,833 --> 00:56:35,833
<i>Oh. What is an astronomer?</i>

989
00:56:35,916 --> 00:56:38,708
Dr. Mindy, there is
a lot of fear out there,

990
00:56:38,791 --> 00:56:40,541
uh, in America, around the world.

991
00:56:40,625 --> 00:56:42,708
Parents don't know
what to say to their kids.

992
00:56:42,791 --> 00:56:45,291
What would you say to them
to help them understand?

993
00:56:45,375 --> 00:56:48,791
Well, I'm sure many of us
are frightened right now.

994
00:56:49,458 --> 00:56:55,708
But I can assure you, our best
and our brightest, they're on the job.

995
00:56:56,250 --> 00:57:00,458
I've seen the science
on this plan and it is sound.

996
00:57:00,541 --> 00:57:05,208
I know your words are a great comfort
to all our viewers, Dr. Randall,

997
00:57:05,291 --> 00:57:09,416
<i>and we thank you
for your courage and your service.</i>

998
00:57:09,500 --> 00:57:11,166
<i>I'd just like to say</i>

999
00:57:11,791 --> 00:57:16,541
that whenever
I feel afraid or alone in this, I…

1000
00:57:17,833 --> 00:57:21,000
<i>I think of you and I just… I feel better.</i>

1001
00:57:21,083 --> 00:57:22,375
<i>So thank you.</i>

1002
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:24,375
<i>That's my job.</i>

1003
00:57:35,458 --> 00:57:37,583
- Tell me we're all gonna die.
- What?

1004
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:42,500
- Tell me we're all gonna die, do it.
- We're all gonna die.

1005
00:57:42,583 --> 00:57:43,708
Oh, boy.

1006
00:57:43,791 --> 00:57:47,375
<i>So, these two Marxists</i>
<i>wave around the word "science"</i>

1007
00:57:47,458 --> 00:57:49,583
<i>and we're all supposed
to do whatever they say?</i>

1008
00:57:49,666 --> 00:57:52,291
<i>Yeah, how do we know
there even is a comet?</i>

1009
00:57:52,375 --> 00:57:56,125
Mr. Pawketty, Congressman,
this data has been proven

1010
00:57:56,208 --> 00:58:00,458
and has been peer-reviewed
by hundreds of world-renowned scientists.

1011
00:58:00,541 --> 00:58:04,541
And we're supposed to trust you?
The comet's got your name.

1012
00:58:05,958 --> 00:58:07,916
I don't… I don't see the relevancy.

1013
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,791
Why won't you
answer the question?

1014
00:58:09,875 --> 00:58:11,916
- Answer the question.
- What's the question?

1015
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:13,125
Grow up here, okay?

1016
00:58:13,208 --> 00:58:14,416
<i>This is ridiculous.</i>

1017
00:58:16,416 --> 00:58:20,416
I've just realized, we don't really know
anything about each other. Do we?

1018
00:58:22,125 --> 00:58:23,083
True.

1019
00:58:24,291 --> 00:58:27,666
Well, every time I try
to ask you about your life,

1020
00:58:27,750 --> 00:58:31,416
you seem to just tell me
about your favorite restaurants.

1021
00:58:32,375 --> 00:58:33,541
Well, I… You know…

1022
00:58:34,250 --> 00:58:36,041
I just despise the, you know,

1023
00:58:36,125 --> 00:58:38,291
getting-to-know-you part
of relationships, so…

1024
00:58:38,958 --> 00:58:41,000
Oh, okay. I understand.

1025
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:45,208
Okay, let's just
get it over and done with.

1026
00:58:47,708 --> 00:58:48,916
Okay, uh…

1027
00:58:49,958 --> 00:58:51,708
Right, so, uh…

1028
00:58:52,375 --> 00:58:56,833
My grandfather invented
the flash-freezing process.

1029
00:58:56,916 --> 00:58:59,166
So I come from grotesque money,

1030
00:58:59,250 --> 00:59:03,500
but I got away from it
by getting three masters degrees.

1031
00:59:04,291 --> 00:59:07,125
Uh, I've been divorced twice.

1032
00:59:07,208 --> 00:59:13,708
Uh, one was a Secretary of State,
and the other one was a sport fisherman.

1033
00:59:13,791 --> 00:59:19,666
Uh, I have slept
with two former presidents.

1034
00:59:19,750 --> 00:59:24,583
I speak four languages,
and I own two Monets.

1035
00:59:26,291 --> 00:59:27,125
Wow.

1036
00:59:27,750 --> 00:59:29,958
Two former presidents. Wow.

1037
00:59:31,958 --> 00:59:33,875
- What, my turn?
- Yeah.

1038
00:59:33,958 --> 00:59:40,250
Oh. All right. My father was
a middle school geography teacher.

1039
00:59:40,333 --> 00:59:43,583
My mother,
she cut hair out of the kitchen.

1040
00:59:43,666 --> 00:59:47,500
Uh, about two years ago,
our family dog, JoJo, died,

1041
00:59:47,583 --> 00:59:49,583
which was really, really emotional.

1042
00:59:49,666 --> 00:59:53,041
I can't remember crying that much ever.

1043
00:59:54,583 --> 00:59:55,541
And, um…

1044
00:59:57,250 --> 01:00:02,541
I finally got my, uh, <i>Star Wars</i> poster
signed by Mark Hamill.

1045
01:00:02,625 --> 01:00:04,708
It's in the garage. It's… So, yeah.

1046
01:00:05,583 --> 01:00:07,666
Okay, good.

1047
01:00:09,958 --> 01:00:10,958
That's done.

1048
01:00:11,458 --> 01:00:12,416
Ah…

1049
01:00:15,666 --> 01:00:17,958
Where are we gonna go for dinner tonight?

1050
01:00:26,333 --> 01:00:28,916
<i>The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.</i>

1051
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,750
{\an8}<i>He makes me to lie down in green pastures.</i>

1052
01:00:31,833 --> 01:00:36,083
{\an8}<i>He leads me beside the quiet waters.
He restores my soul.</i>

1053
01:00:36,166 --> 01:00:39,583
Not since D-Day have we seen
such a mass mobilization

1054
01:00:39,666 --> 01:00:43,416
of unions and resources
for such a noble task.

1055
01:00:44,041 --> 01:00:46,916
One cannot help but be moved
by the bravery, ingenuity,

1056
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:49,083
and sacrifice on display here.

1057
01:01:09,541 --> 01:01:12,125
Okay, here we go, everyone.
Let's stay sharp.

1058
01:01:14,041 --> 01:01:17,416
I just want you to know,
this is the most propulsive thing

1059
01:01:17,500 --> 01:01:20,041
that's ever happened to me. Thank you.

1060
01:01:33,333 --> 01:01:36,541
<i>What's the holdup, you guys?
What are you waiting on?</i>

1061
01:01:37,500 --> 01:01:40,625
<i>Come on, motherfuckers,
let's light this fucking firecracker, huh?</i>

1062
01:01:41,166 --> 01:01:42,541
<i>Think I got all day?</i>

1063
01:01:42,625 --> 01:01:47,208
Commander Drask,
this is your president speaking.

1064
01:01:48,458 --> 01:01:50,333
Your nation thanks you.

1065
01:01:51,083 --> 01:01:52,708
Your planet thanks you.

1066
01:01:53,416 --> 01:01:55,875
And God and I thank you.

1067
01:01:56,583 --> 01:01:59,208
<i>Listen, the only thanks I need</i>
<i>is a shot of Jack Daniels</i>.

1068
01:01:59,291 --> 01:02:03,208
<i>And a couple DUIs to magically go away.</i>

1069
01:02:05,083 --> 01:02:08,916
This is Mission Control.
All indicators are coming up green.

1070
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:11,416
<i>This is a final warning
to control the launchpad.</i>

1071
01:02:11,500 --> 01:02:17,208
Your discovery led to this mission
and our chance to save Earth.

1072
01:02:18,375 --> 01:02:19,666
I give you…

1073
01:02:22,041 --> 01:02:23,041
The honor.

1074
01:02:28,458 --> 01:02:29,458
Thank you.

1075
01:02:31,666 --> 01:02:34,958
Thank you,
Madam President.

1076
01:02:36,458 --> 01:02:38,833
Citizens of planet Earth,

1077
01:02:39,875 --> 01:02:43,041
<i>everything is theoretically impossible</i>

1078
01:02:43,708 --> 01:02:45,125
<i>until it is done.</i>

1079
01:02:46,250 --> 01:02:47,541
<i>And with that,</i>

1080
01:02:47,625 --> 01:02:49,750
we are go for launch.

1081
01:02:49,833 --> 01:02:50,708
Yes.

1082
01:02:50,791 --> 01:02:52,458
- That's fire.
- Thank you.

1083
01:02:52,541 --> 01:02:53,541
It was lit.

1084
01:02:55,833 --> 01:02:58,083
Hey, everyone, mind if I join?

1085
01:02:59,125 --> 01:03:01,000
- Hello.
- Hello, Peter. Hi.

1086
01:03:01,083 --> 01:03:04,708
Hi. Oh, Brie, you look fabulous.

1087
01:03:04,791 --> 01:03:05,791
As always.

1088
01:03:06,958 --> 01:03:08,333
Is he allowed to be in here?

1089
01:03:08,416 --> 01:03:12,291
Yeah, he's a Platinum Eagle level donor
to the campaign. He has full clearance.

1090
01:03:12,375 --> 01:03:14,000
<i>Launch mission array.</i>

1091
01:03:14,083 --> 01:03:17,625
Molly kicking in right now.
Timed that shit perfect.

1092
01:03:17,708 --> 01:03:20,666
Ten, nine, eight…

1093
01:03:20,750 --> 01:03:24,791
<i>Seven, six, five, four…</i>

1094
01:03:24,875 --> 01:03:26,125
Three…

1095
01:03:26,208 --> 01:03:27,583
Ah…

1096
01:03:40,541 --> 01:03:41,750
Thank God!

1097
01:04:09,625 --> 01:04:11,583
We didn't lose
any satellites.

1098
01:04:11,666 --> 01:04:14,916
Margin of error
was for two to malfunction.

1099
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:19,166
Hey, Madam President, may I have a word
with you outside for a moment, please?

1100
01:04:19,791 --> 01:04:20,916
Oh, my God.

1101
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:23,791
Mission success probability
is already increased to 81%.

1102
01:04:23,875 --> 01:04:25,875
Outstanding.

1103
01:04:26,583 --> 01:04:27,750
Janie, now!

1104
01:04:27,833 --> 01:04:30,583
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

1105
01:04:30,666 --> 01:04:32,250
Peter, I didn't mean…

1106
01:04:36,500 --> 01:04:41,708
<i>And a big hello to that beautiful</i>
<i>blue ball down there we all call home.</i>

1107
01:04:42,208 --> 01:04:45,625
<i>All those proud white folks working hard.</i>

1108
01:04:46,125 --> 01:04:47,083
<i>God bless you.</i>

1109
01:04:47,875 --> 01:04:50,125
Just a different generation. Yeah.

1110
01:04:50,791 --> 01:04:53,666
I also wanna say hello
to all the Indians out there.

1111
01:04:53,750 --> 01:04:54,833
Both kinds.

1112
01:04:54,916 --> 01:04:59,041
<i>You know, the ones with the elephants
and the ones with the bow and arrows.</i>

1113
01:04:59,708 --> 01:05:01,500
<i>Hey, why haven't you guys ever teamed up?</i>

1114
01:05:01,583 --> 01:05:03,458
<i>How cool would that be, huh?</i>

1115
01:05:03,541 --> 01:05:05,458
<i>I wanna say hello
to all the gays out there.</i>

1116
01:05:05,541 --> 01:05:07,875
- Commander, booster ejection is imminent.
<i>- Huh?</i>

1117
01:05:07,958 --> 01:05:10,208
- Let's keep comm on mission.
<i>- Oh. Roger that.</i>

1118
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:22,666
<i>Separation confirmed.</i>

1119
01:05:22,750 --> 01:05:24,500
<i>- Separation confirmed.</i>
- Whoo!

1120
01:05:29,083 --> 01:05:30,166
Was that French?

1121
01:05:31,458 --> 01:05:37,000
Yes, it is. It means, "the angels soar
to the heavens." It's, um…

1122
01:05:38,333 --> 01:05:42,458
It's from a 14th-century poem
I studied in Dartmouth.

1123
01:05:42,541 --> 01:05:45,875
And just watching this,
it just made me think of it,

1124
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:48,416
and think of you.

1125
01:05:49,500 --> 01:05:50,500
God, I can't…

1126
01:05:51,375 --> 01:05:52,333
Can't…

1127
01:06:01,583 --> 01:06:04,125
{\an8}<i>Go! Go! Go!</i>

1128
01:06:05,791 --> 01:06:08,666
{\an8}<i>I think I probably should go</i>
<i>to the</i> <i>hospital and see what they…</i>

1129
01:06:08,750 --> 01:06:10,708
{\an8}<i>Launch challenge!</i>

1130
01:06:10,791 --> 01:06:13,666
{\an8}<i>Go! Go! Go!</i>

1131
01:06:17,458 --> 01:06:19,583
Everyone, I have just received

1132
01:06:19,666 --> 01:06:23,416
some critical information
concerning our mission.

1133
01:06:32,625 --> 01:06:34,291
Looks like it's turning around.

1134
01:06:37,125 --> 01:06:40,250
No, it's not. It's a course correction.

1135
01:06:40,333 --> 01:06:41,875
It's pretty standard.

1136
01:06:41,958 --> 01:06:43,416
I was in the Navy.

1137
01:06:45,083 --> 01:06:47,375
Nope. It's turning around.

1138
01:06:47,458 --> 01:06:51,166
Seems to be
some confusion here amongst the crowd,

1139
01:06:51,250 --> 01:06:52,875
but I'm not gonna lie to you.

1140
01:06:52,958 --> 01:06:55,916
This reporter
is at a loss for words right now.

1141
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:59,208
It's definitely turning around.

1142
01:06:59,291 --> 01:07:01,416
I'm looking straight at it.

1143
01:07:01,500 --> 01:07:05,500
Drask's ship is definitely turning around.

1144
01:07:07,916 --> 01:07:10,291
Does anyone know
what the fuck just happened?

1145
01:07:16,208 --> 01:07:17,583
It's still locked.

1146
01:07:17,666 --> 01:07:20,375
I just don't… I don't understand
what could've happened.

1147
01:07:20,458 --> 01:07:23,250
I mean, the mission was working, right?
Everything was on track.

1148
01:07:23,333 --> 01:07:26,166
Yeah. I mean,
it could've been anything, uh…

1149
01:07:26,250 --> 01:07:31,958
Guidance system could've malfunctioned,
uh, nuke destabilized, myriad of things.

1150
01:07:32,583 --> 01:07:35,625
Who was that guy that walked into
the Situation Room? He looked familiar.

1151
01:07:35,708 --> 01:07:42,083
That was Peter Isherwell, CEO of BASH,
and the third richest human ever.

1152
01:07:42,166 --> 01:07:46,125
He's the guy that, uh, bought
the Gutenberg Bible and lost it.

1153
01:07:47,416 --> 01:07:48,916
Sorry to keep you waiting.

1154
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:51,833
Things are, uh, extremely fluid.

1155
01:07:53,291 --> 01:07:56,916
Dr. Randall, you are now the Chief
Science Advisor to the White House.

1156
01:07:57,000 --> 01:07:57,833
What?

1157
01:07:57,916 --> 01:08:00,666
As such, you need to attend
an emergency Cabinet meeting

1158
01:08:00,750 --> 01:08:02,000
where you will be debriefed.

1159
01:08:02,083 --> 01:08:03,083
What about us?

1160
01:08:03,666 --> 01:08:06,166
You do not have clearance
for this, sweetheart. Don't trip.

1161
01:08:06,250 --> 01:08:09,000
Got you some crackers, some waters.

1162
01:08:09,083 --> 01:08:10,750
You don't need to throw it on the floor.

1163
01:08:10,833 --> 01:08:12,375
Gonna be three, four hours, tops.

1164
01:08:12,458 --> 01:08:15,583
Here, Kate. I don't know
why he threw 'em down. Here.

1165
01:08:15,666 --> 01:08:17,750
What if we have to go to the bathroom?

1166
01:08:17,833 --> 01:08:21,250
We'll lay out some newspaper for you.
Grab you a can of Febreze.

1167
01:08:21,333 --> 01:08:23,208
Short, sweet
and simple science.

1168
01:08:23,291 --> 01:08:24,958
I'll be back. All right. Come on.

1169
01:08:25,041 --> 01:08:27,083
Science tells the truth, Randall.

1170
01:08:28,875 --> 01:08:30,500
Fuck. Do you wanna come?

1171
01:08:30,583 --> 01:08:31,500
Yeah.

1172
01:08:33,625 --> 01:08:35,625
Ladies and gentlemen,
what we thought,

1173
01:08:35,708 --> 01:08:40,708
what the world thought
was an impending and terrifying danger,

1174
01:08:41,916 --> 01:08:44,625
turns out to be
an astonishing opportunity.

1175
01:08:44,708 --> 01:08:47,166
Our allies are very confused
and demanding answers...

1176
01:08:47,250 --> 01:08:48,541
Well, tell 'em to wait.

1177
01:08:49,583 --> 01:08:54,666
According to the most recent
spectrometer readings of Comet Dibiasky,

1178
01:08:54,750 --> 01:08:57,833
made by the astrogeologists
at BASH Cellular,

1179
01:08:59,583 --> 01:09:01,291
we've discovered something.

1180
01:09:02,250 --> 01:09:05,000
Something truly miraculous.

1181
01:09:06,458 --> 01:09:08,125
Peter. Peter?

1182
01:09:08,208 --> 01:09:10,000
Oh, thank you, Janie.

1183
01:09:12,208 --> 01:09:14,708
As, uh… As some of you may know,

1184
01:09:14,791 --> 01:09:17,541
the most valuable minerals in the world

1185
01:09:17,625 --> 01:09:19,750
are fast becoming those that are deployed

1186
01:09:19,833 --> 01:09:24,000
in the manufacture
of cell phones and, uh, computers.

1187
01:09:24,083 --> 01:09:27,583
Yttrium, terbium, osmium, dysprosium,
on and on and on.

1188
01:09:27,666 --> 01:09:29,000
We're running short.

1189
01:09:29,083 --> 01:09:31,916
Uh, and the problem
is exacerbated, of course,

1190
01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:37,916
because China has her big panda paw
firmly on almost all the mines

1191
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:41,500
that produce
these valuable rare Earth assets.

1192
01:09:41,583 --> 01:09:43,625
So you can imagine.

1193
01:09:43,708 --> 01:09:44,666
Wow!

1194
01:09:44,750 --> 01:09:48,541
Just how happy we were at BASH

1195
01:09:48,625 --> 01:09:52,250
when our astrogeologists discovered

1196
01:09:52,333 --> 01:09:57,000
and then determined that this comet,
hurtling towards us from deep space,

1197
01:09:57,083 --> 01:10:02,833
actually contains at least $32 trillion
of these critical materials.

1198
01:10:02,916 --> 01:10:04,666
Critical to technology.

1199
01:10:04,750 --> 01:10:05,958
If we're to proceed...

1200
01:10:06,041 --> 01:10:08,541
I'm sorry. Is that why
you aborted this entire mission,

1201
01:10:08,625 --> 01:10:11,541
is because you're trying to mine
the comet for rare minerals?

1202
01:10:11,625 --> 01:10:13,708
I think
we should hold all questions

1203
01:10:13,791 --> 01:10:16,458
until the end of the presentation,

1204
01:10:16,541 --> 01:10:20,125
and you might find
that your questions are answered.

1205
01:10:20,666 --> 01:10:21,750
Yes, Madam President.

1206
01:10:21,833 --> 01:10:24,875
When you…
When the other metals are factored in,

1207
01:10:24,958 --> 01:10:27,333
the comet actually contains

1208
01:10:27,416 --> 01:10:31,541
almost $140 trillion worth of assets.

1209
01:10:31,625 --> 01:10:32,916
Buck-forty trilli.

1210
01:10:33,416 --> 01:10:35,291
Yeah…

1211
01:10:35,375 --> 01:10:40,000
What do these trillions of dollars
even matter if we're all gonna die...

1212
01:10:40,083 --> 01:10:42,458
I was about to ask
the same question, Janie.

1213
01:10:42,541 --> 01:10:43,666
Why weren't we consulted?

1214
01:10:43,750 --> 01:10:45,250
All due respect, Madam President…

1215
01:10:45,333 --> 01:10:47,833
Oh, no! What if we're rich and we're safe?

1216
01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:53,125
I've gone over it
again and again and again in my head

1217
01:10:54,875 --> 01:10:56,791
and I still can't make sense of it.

1218
01:10:58,750 --> 01:11:03,791
He's a three-star general.
He works at the Pentagon.

1219
01:11:05,916 --> 01:11:09,000
Why would he charge us for free snacks?

1220
01:11:09,083 --> 01:11:12,750
One time, I met Sting,

1221
01:11:13,708 --> 01:11:18,291
and I swear to God,
he farted right in front of me.

1222
01:11:19,333 --> 01:11:24,458
Didn't break eye contact
and didn't even say "excuse me."

1223
01:11:27,500 --> 01:11:31,083
And the thing is,
he actually pulled it off.

1224
01:11:32,375 --> 01:11:34,875
'Cause I still found him
to be quite charming.

1225
01:11:35,916 --> 01:11:40,333
Guys, we have to talk.
Come on, let's go. Come on, now.

1226
01:11:41,416 --> 01:11:44,625
It's insane. Like, completely insane.

1227
01:11:44,708 --> 01:11:46,041
It will never work.

1228
01:11:46,125 --> 01:11:48,291
I had the exact same reaction.

1229
01:11:48,375 --> 01:11:51,500
This is a nine-kilometer-wide
planet-killer we're talking about,

1230
01:11:51,583 --> 01:11:53,041
not roaming charges.

1231
01:11:53,125 --> 01:11:59,041
Look, I… I was confused and outraged
that they turned this mission around too,

1232
01:11:59,125 --> 01:12:01,708
but they've got
Gary Talcamont from Stanford

1233
01:12:01,791 --> 01:12:03,958
and Lisa Inez from Princeton
on their team.

1234
01:12:04,041 --> 01:12:07,750
I mean, this is next-generation
cutting-edge technology.

1235
01:12:07,833 --> 01:12:14,625
Obviously, one giant comet is a major
and existential, uh, threat to our planet,

1236
01:12:14,708 --> 01:12:20,000
but 30 smaller meteoroids, we can handle.

1237
01:12:20,916 --> 01:12:26,625
Our BEADS, that stands for
BASH, uh, Explore and Acquire Drones,

1238
01:12:26,708 --> 01:12:28,083
that you see here,

1239
01:12:28,166 --> 01:12:30,833
attach themselves to the comet

1240
01:12:30,916 --> 01:12:33,375
and scan it with nanotechnology

1241
01:12:33,458 --> 01:12:36,583
developed by
Nobel Prize-winning scientist,

1242
01:12:36,666 --> 01:12:37,666
Dr. Gary Talcamont.

1243
01:12:37,750 --> 01:12:40,500
And then we immediately deploy, don't we?

1244
01:12:40,583 --> 01:12:42,833
Nobel and Polonsky prize-winning scientist

1245
01:12:42,916 --> 01:12:48,250
Dr. Inez's micro-targeted,
quantum fission, uh, explosives.

1246
01:12:48,333 --> 01:12:51,625
You see, deep into the object…

1247
01:12:51,708 --> 01:12:54,458
Dr. Inez, would you like
to explain what's happening?

1248
01:12:54,541 --> 01:12:55,416
Thank you, Peter.

1249
01:12:55,500 --> 01:12:58,250
We've been developing
phase-fission reactions

1250
01:12:58,333 --> 01:13:00,375
in the CERN particle accelerator

1251
01:13:00,458 --> 01:13:03,125
that can splinter the comet
into smaller pieces

1252
01:13:03,208 --> 01:13:05,333
with breathtaking accuracy.

1253
01:13:05,416 --> 01:13:08,791
These segments are then steered
and decelerated by each BEAD

1254
01:13:08,875 --> 01:13:13,625
into the Pacific Ocean for reclamation
by waiting US Navy ships.

1255
01:13:13,708 --> 01:13:15,666
And when these… Thank you.

1256
01:13:15,750 --> 01:13:19,875
And when these treasures
from heaven are claimed,

1257
01:13:19,958 --> 01:13:23,916
poverty as we know it,
social injustice, loss of biodiversity,

1258
01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:26,708
all these multitudes of problems

1259
01:13:26,791 --> 01:13:30,125
are just gonna become relics of the past

1260
01:13:30,208 --> 01:13:35,625
and humanity is gonna stride through
the Pillars of Boaz and Jachin naked

1261
01:13:35,708 --> 01:13:38,250
into the the glory of a golden age…

1262
01:13:38,333 --> 01:13:41,500
And is this nanotech work peer-reviewed?

1263
01:13:41,583 --> 01:13:45,166
Well, I haven't reviewed the data,
but it's been modeled.

1264
01:13:45,250 --> 01:13:47,125
Has any of this been peer-reviewed?

1265
01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:48,833
Nope.

1266
01:13:48,916 --> 01:13:51,250
Interplanetary, interstellar,

1267
01:13:51,333 --> 01:13:56,125
intergalactic existence
for the human race.

1268
01:13:59,125 --> 01:14:00,916
Your mouth to God's ear.

1269
01:14:01,458 --> 01:14:05,041
I understand the wealth
that they can extract from this comet,

1270
01:14:05,125 --> 01:14:06,291
it can end world hunger.

1271
01:14:06,375 --> 01:14:08,166
Oh, I see.

1272
01:14:08,250 --> 01:14:10,833
- Why are you laughing?
- That's true. No, I see.

1273
01:14:10,916 --> 01:14:15,333
So that's the pretty little bow they're
putting around this line of bullshit.

1274
01:14:15,416 --> 01:14:17,250
I bet they'll say freedom and puppies too.

1275
01:14:17,333 --> 01:14:18,166
- All right.
- Yeah.

1276
01:14:18,250 --> 01:14:21,916
You want me to quit the mission?
I'll quit the mission. That's fine.

1277
01:14:22,416 --> 01:14:25,708
But you have to understand,
this is now beyond our control.

1278
01:14:25,791 --> 01:14:27,208
They have all the power.

1279
01:14:27,291 --> 01:14:29,958
So who do you want
in the actual room to make sure

1280
01:14:30,041 --> 01:14:33,000
this whole thing doesn't turn out to be
a complete goddamn disaster?

1281
01:14:33,083 --> 01:14:35,708
Jason Orlean?
You want Jason Orlean in that room? Huh?

1282
01:14:35,791 --> 01:14:40,125
I have news for you.
It's already a complete disaster.

1283
01:14:40,208 --> 01:14:43,750
They're talking about letting
a comet the size of a mountain

1284
01:14:43,833 --> 01:14:46,625
hit the planet to jack up
a cell phone company's stock!

1285
01:14:46,708 --> 01:14:49,916
You better take that down
about four or five notches now.

1286
01:14:50,000 --> 01:14:53,625
Were you yelling about that mission?
Why were you talking about cell phones?

1287
01:14:53,708 --> 01:14:56,750
My friend was just theorizing
as to what's going on.

1288
01:14:56,833 --> 01:14:58,291
We're confused too.

1289
01:14:58,375 --> 01:15:01,458
That's an awfully official-looking
White House badge you got there.

1290
01:15:01,541 --> 01:15:03,291
I don't know why I have this on.

1291
01:15:03,375 --> 01:15:05,125
Listen, just tell us what's going on.

1292
01:15:05,208 --> 01:15:07,625
I got three scared kids at home.
Just tell us something.

1293
01:15:07,708 --> 01:15:10,333
I understand.
I wish I could share information, but...

1294
01:15:10,416 --> 01:15:12,958
We're people just like you.
We deserve to know!

1295
01:15:13,041 --> 01:15:13,916
They're right.

1296
01:15:14,958 --> 01:15:16,083
They deserve to know.

1297
01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:18,833
Do you really wanna know what's going on?

1298
01:15:18,916 --> 01:15:20,041
- Yeah.
- Please.

1299
01:15:20,125 --> 01:15:22,583
- Kate, don't. Kate.
- Kate.

1300
01:15:23,541 --> 01:15:28,958
They found a bunch of gold and diamonds
and rare shit on the comet.

1301
01:15:29,958 --> 01:15:32,166
So they're gonna let it hit the planet

1302
01:15:32,250 --> 01:15:36,416
to make a bunch of rich people
even more disgustingly rich!

1303
01:15:42,916 --> 01:15:44,000
Fuck you!

1304
01:15:54,708 --> 01:15:56,500
No camera!

1305
01:15:56,583 --> 01:15:58,541
…everything I could, they won't listen.

1306
01:15:58,625 --> 01:15:59,958
Surprise, surprise.

1307
01:16:00,041 --> 01:16:02,916
Now, I'm starting to think
you just like riling people up.

1308
01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:04,958
I'm so sorry, Kate. Really, I am.

1309
01:16:05,041 --> 01:16:07,041
Oh, Randall. God.

1310
01:16:07,875 --> 01:16:09,875
Where's Brie Evantee?

1311
01:16:09,958 --> 01:16:12,375
Shouldn't you two
be playing footsie in a restaurant

1312
01:16:12,458 --> 01:16:14,583
that only serves cubes and foam?

1313
01:16:14,666 --> 01:16:18,083
Well, she ain't wrong.
You did lose the thread in a big way.

1314
01:16:18,166 --> 01:16:21,375
And what do you suggest we do?
An online petition, huh?

1315
01:16:21,458 --> 01:16:24,416
You want to hold…
Get a mob and hold up picket signs?

1316
01:16:24,500 --> 01:16:26,958
You wanna overthrow the government?
I mean, look at this.

1317
01:16:27,041 --> 01:16:28,875
I can't! My head is in a bag!

1318
01:16:28,958 --> 01:16:31,583
Sorry, Dr. Mindy.
White House wants her off the grid.

1319
01:16:31,666 --> 01:16:33,166
- Come on, now. Look...
- Now.

1320
01:16:33,250 --> 01:16:35,958
Wait. What does that mean?
What the hell does that mean?

1321
01:16:36,041 --> 01:16:38,416
- What does "off the grid" mean?
- Hey, Kate.

1322
01:16:39,291 --> 01:16:42,416
Oh, gosh. Kate! Are you okay?

1323
01:16:45,541 --> 01:16:48,833
Teddy, come on!
What choice do I have here?

1324
01:16:51,166 --> 01:16:53,541
A man's always got choices, Randall!

1325
01:16:53,625 --> 01:16:56,458
Sometimes you just gotta
choose the good one!

1326
01:17:03,083 --> 01:17:04,708
Miss Katelyn Dibiasky,

1327
01:17:04,791 --> 01:17:08,208
the charges against you are
violation of national security secrets,

1328
01:17:08,291 --> 01:17:11,083
inciting a riot,
and destruction of private property

1329
01:17:11,166 --> 01:17:13,666
owned by Bojo Mambo's Shrimp LLC.

1330
01:17:13,750 --> 01:17:14,583
What? I didn't...

1331
01:17:14,666 --> 01:17:17,583
However, the Attorney General
is willing to not pursue prosecution

1332
01:17:17,666 --> 01:17:19,208
if you will agree to the following:

1333
01:17:19,291 --> 01:17:21,958
"The suspension
of all public media appearances

1334
01:17:22,041 --> 01:17:26,708
and incendiary language relating to
Comet Dibiasky and BASH Cellular."

1335
01:17:28,916 --> 01:17:32,333
Fine. Give it to me.
I don't give a shit anymore.

1336
01:17:47,875 --> 01:17:49,416
Mom. Dad.

1337
01:17:49,916 --> 01:17:52,166
I'm so glad to be home.

1338
01:17:54,875 --> 01:17:55,875
Unlock the door.

1339
01:17:55,958 --> 01:17:57,750
No politics. None.

1340
01:17:58,208 --> 01:17:59,583
What are you talking about?

1341
01:18:00,083 --> 01:18:02,791
Your dad and I are for the jobs
the comet will provide.

1342
01:18:05,708 --> 01:18:07,916
The divisions in this country
are bad enough.

1343
01:18:08,625 --> 01:18:10,458
We don't want more of that in our house.

1344
01:18:11,916 --> 01:18:14,208
<i>Whoa!</i>

1345
01:18:14,291 --> 01:18:16,125
<i>- Slow down, kids.</i>
<i>- Sorry, Mom.</i>

1346
01:18:17,291 --> 01:18:19,333
<i>I worry about my kids and their future.</i>

1347
01:18:19,875 --> 01:18:22,500
<i>Sure, the jobs
the comet's gonna create sound great.</i>

1348
01:18:23,041 --> 01:18:24,291
<i>What if it's not safe?</i>

1349
01:18:24,875 --> 01:18:29,250
{\an8}<i>Right now, millions of you are having
these same doubts and questions</i>

1350
01:18:29,333 --> 01:18:31,208
{\an8}<i>about the approaching comet.</i>

1351
01:18:31,291 --> 01:18:32,708
{\an8}<i>That is why BASH Cellular</i>

1352
01:18:32,791 --> 01:18:35,166
<i>in conjunction with
the United States Government</i>

1353
01:18:35,250 --> 01:18:40,041
<i>is creating a new hotline, free of charge,
to answer all of your questions.</i>

1354
01:18:40,750 --> 01:18:46,125
<i>And who knows? Maybe,
just maybe, one of our scientists…</i>

1355
01:18:46,208 --> 01:18:49,541
<i>Thank you, Sharon.
Makes me feel so much better.</i>

1356
01:18:49,625 --> 01:18:53,833
<i>…can be that friend we all need
to lean on during uncertain times.</i>

1357
01:18:55,208 --> 01:18:58,750
<i>Call 1-800-532-4500 for peace of mind.</i>

1358
01:18:58,833 --> 01:19:00,458
{\an8}<i>Offer only available to BASH customers.</i>

1359
01:19:00,541 --> 01:19:02,916
{\an8}<i>Details of your call may be shared
with other subsidiaries</i>

1360
01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:05,916
{\an8}<i>to enhance your customer experience.
Data and roaming charges apply.</i>

1361
01:19:06,000 --> 01:19:09,416
So, I thought he was
the ambassador. I was just flattering him.

1362
01:19:09,500 --> 01:19:13,541
Well, he was a waiter.
Now he's got an ego the size of Texas.

1363
01:19:16,916 --> 01:19:18,125
Oh, my God.

1364
01:19:19,250 --> 01:19:22,875
June, what, uh…
What are you doing here, sweetie?

1365
01:19:24,708 --> 01:19:27,458
Had a feeling
something was going on and just…

1366
01:19:28,333 --> 01:19:31,958
Well, you know,
we're discussing important business.

1367
01:19:32,041 --> 01:19:35,458
- That's what we're doing.
- Oh, yeah, that's really very important.

1368
01:19:35,541 --> 01:19:37,750
Oh, can we just
skip past this part, please?

1369
01:19:37,833 --> 01:19:39,500
Where you get to feel self-righteous

1370
01:19:39,583 --> 01:19:43,041
and we put our tails between our legs.
It is just so boring.

1371
01:19:43,125 --> 01:19:44,791
Oh, it's "so boring"?

1372
01:19:44,875 --> 01:19:49,291
You wanna skip the part where
you feel bad for screwing my husband?

1373
01:19:49,875 --> 01:19:52,583
Oh… No, I don't feel bad.

1374
01:19:52,666 --> 01:19:56,416
Randall and I are having a wonderful time.
So, I think the question is,

1375
01:19:56,500 --> 01:20:01,791
do we keep having a wonderful time
or does he go back with you to Wisconsin?

1376
01:20:01,875 --> 01:20:02,750
Or Montana.

1377
01:20:02,833 --> 01:20:04,875
- Michigan?
- Michigan.

1378
01:20:08,125 --> 01:20:12,500
You know, um… she is actually right.

1379
01:20:13,291 --> 01:20:16,333
That's the only question. So…

1380
01:20:18,958 --> 01:20:20,750
Well, June, sweetie…

1381
01:20:20,833 --> 01:20:23,875
Sometimes in life things are, you know,

1382
01:20:23,958 --> 01:20:26,458
they're complicated and they just...

1383
01:20:26,541 --> 01:20:27,666
Oh, okay.

1384
01:20:29,958 --> 01:20:31,666
Oh, that was fast, um…

1385
01:20:35,250 --> 01:20:38,375
Well, before I go, um,

1386
01:20:38,458 --> 01:20:41,375
let me just give you some instructions

1387
01:20:42,333 --> 01:20:45,458
on how to take care of Randall.

1388
01:20:46,083 --> 01:20:47,041
Uh…

1389
01:20:47,125 --> 01:20:50,541
Yeah, here's the Xanax
he takes for his panic attacks.

1390
01:20:50,625 --> 01:20:51,458
Oh, gosh.

1391
01:20:51,541 --> 01:20:54,458
Here's the Zoloft he takes
for the crashing depressions.

1392
01:20:54,541 --> 01:20:58,250
- Not so much recently. Okay, you know...
- Oh! Oh, good for you. Great.

1393
01:20:58,333 --> 01:21:02,000
- Uh, this is for his blood pressure.
- Ow.

1394
01:21:02,083 --> 01:21:04,708
- Restless leg syndrome, that's a fun one.
- God.

1395
01:21:06,708 --> 01:21:10,875
Oh. Appetite suppressant to counteract
the weight gain from his other meds.

1396
01:21:10,958 --> 01:21:15,875
And, uh, for America's sexiest scientist,
a bottle of goddamn Cialis!

1397
01:21:15,958 --> 01:21:17,375
Ow! Gosh.

1398
01:21:26,583 --> 01:21:28,041
Goodbye. Goodbye, Randall.

1399
01:21:28,125 --> 01:21:29,916
I guess I'll just tell your sons

1400
01:21:30,000 --> 01:21:32,375
that Dad's fucking
the lady on our television.

1401
01:21:33,416 --> 01:21:34,791
June, I…

1402
01:21:36,250 --> 01:21:38,458
I really thought for a second
that was gonna work out.

1403
01:21:40,333 --> 01:21:43,666
<i>People, they wanna
manage the comet to create jobs.</i>

1404
01:21:43,750 --> 01:21:45,791
<i>Thirty-seven percent
don't want the comet to hit.</i>

1405
01:21:45,875 --> 01:21:47,583
<i>That's actually down by three points.</i>

1406
01:21:47,666 --> 01:21:50,791
<i>And 23%, they don't think
there's a comet at all,</i>

1407
01:21:50,875 --> 01:21:52,666
<i>and that number is way up.</i>

1408
01:21:53,500 --> 01:21:56,791
Not Bitcoin, RatCoin. RatCoin.

1409
01:21:59,583 --> 01:22:01,833
I'd like to buy these sunglasses.

1410
01:22:10,166 --> 01:22:12,458
You that girl from live TV
who said we're all gonna die?

1411
01:22:13,041 --> 01:22:14,958
No. What's your purchase?

1412
01:22:19,291 --> 01:22:20,250
What the fuck?

1413
01:22:20,333 --> 01:22:23,041
- Yeah, that's you. It's definitely you.
- Yep, that's me.

1414
01:22:23,125 --> 01:22:26,833
Holy shit. You're a stone-cold legend.
Word is bond.

1415
01:22:28,125 --> 01:22:29,583
I got a picture of you on my board.

1416
01:22:29,666 --> 01:22:31,041
Picture on his fucking board.

1417
01:22:31,125 --> 01:22:33,125
That's great. What's your purchase?

1418
01:22:33,208 --> 01:22:36,416
If you don't have one, get out of line
and make room for other customers.

1419
01:22:36,500 --> 01:22:38,791
Can I touch your hair in a non-sexual way?

1420
01:22:38,875 --> 01:22:41,541
- Get the fuck away from me.
- Oh, dude, have some… Um…

1421
01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:45,041
Call Diogo, he'll freak out.
Will you say hi to my friend?

1422
01:22:45,125 --> 01:22:47,750
Dude, he's obsessed with you.
We love you. We don't like…

1423
01:22:47,833 --> 01:22:49,250
Can't stand Orlean, either.

1424
01:22:49,333 --> 01:22:53,416
- Yo, yo, yo!
<i>- Yo!</i>

1425
01:22:53,500 --> 01:22:54,583
What's up? Yo, check out…

1426
01:22:54,666 --> 01:22:57,083
Yo, shut the fuck up.
Check out who we're with.

1427
01:22:57,166 --> 01:22:59,833
- Yo, bro! What up?
<i>- What up?</i>

1428
01:23:01,250 --> 01:23:03,958
I mean, we have a purchase,
but we don't have payment,

1429
01:23:04,041 --> 01:23:05,583
which is a metaphor on…

1430
01:23:07,208 --> 01:23:09,291
- Cash?
<i>- Also, Phillip, I've been told…</i>

1431
01:23:09,375 --> 01:23:10,666
- Right.
<i>- …That you wrote a book</i>

1432
01:23:10,750 --> 01:23:13,458
<i>about your past relationship
with Kate Dibiasky.</i>

1433
01:23:13,541 --> 01:23:15,958
<i>Funny you should say that,
I'm working on that now.</i>

1434
01:23:16,041 --> 01:23:18,583
<i>It's gonna be called</i>
A Brush With The Devil, <i>and it's, uh…</i>

1435
01:23:18,666 --> 01:23:20,791
You calling security
or something, with your eyes?

1436
01:23:20,875 --> 01:23:22,125
No. You're free to go.

1437
01:23:22,208 --> 01:23:24,333
- <i>That sounds terrible.</i>
- Just like that?

1438
01:23:25,625 --> 01:23:27,125
You don't give a shit, do you?

1439
01:23:28,958 --> 01:23:29,958
Sure, I do.

1440
01:23:30,041 --> 01:23:33,041
I care about DrinkMo's guarantee
of quality service.

1441
01:23:33,666 --> 01:23:35,500
Well, we don't give a shit either.

1442
01:23:35,583 --> 01:23:37,208
Not one single shit.

1443
01:23:37,291 --> 01:23:40,291
We hang and board behind the abandoned
Burger Crown from 7:00 to whenever.

1444
01:23:40,375 --> 01:23:41,208
Yeah, we do.

1445
01:23:41,291 --> 01:23:43,750
You should come hang.
If you're not a fucking pussy.

1446
01:23:46,666 --> 01:23:48,333
<i>Oh, you know, it's me…</i>

1447
01:23:48,416 --> 01:23:50,958
- Fuck. Okay. Thanks.
<i>- …And a bottle of scotch.</i>

1448
01:23:51,958 --> 01:23:54,500
<i>It's a joke. But also…</i>

1449
01:24:06,541 --> 01:24:09,083
Okay, let me introduce you

1450
01:24:09,958 --> 01:24:16,333
uh, to mankind's savior,
BASH Explore and Acquire Drone.

1451
01:24:16,416 --> 01:24:17,500
It's incredible.

1452
01:24:17,583 --> 01:24:19,125
It's incredible, isn't it?

1453
01:24:19,208 --> 01:24:22,833
I call this one Primo,
the first.

1454
01:24:22,916 --> 01:24:24,416
It's like my first child.

1455
01:24:25,083 --> 01:24:31,291
Primo, my boy.
It's your father, Cronos.

1456
01:24:31,375 --> 01:24:35,041
Don't be shy. Come on.
You're gonna be a god in the sky.

1457
01:24:41,416 --> 01:24:46,583
Are you at all concerned about
the sync on the BEAD explosions?

1458
01:24:46,666 --> 01:24:50,583
Oh, Doctor.
There are always questions and fears, and…

1459
01:24:51,250 --> 01:24:54,500
I have a report here from a Dr. Inez.

1460
01:24:54,583 --> 01:24:57,041
- If you'd just take a look at this study.
- Oh, thanks.

1461
01:24:57,125 --> 01:24:59,333
Listen, a lot of my colleagues,

1462
01:24:59,416 --> 01:25:01,875
they've either been removed
or resigned from this project,

1463
01:25:01,958 --> 01:25:06,083
apparently for asking too many questions
about this mission here.

1464
01:25:06,166 --> 01:25:08,750
So I just wanna make sure that you're…

1465
01:25:09,333 --> 01:25:11,875
That you're open
to the scientific peer-review process

1466
01:25:11,958 --> 01:25:14,583
and you're not approaching
this mission like a businessman.

1467
01:25:14,666 --> 01:25:16,416
- You know? That...
- What did you say?

1468
01:25:16,916 --> 01:25:20,208
- I wanna know if you're...
- Did you call me a businessman?

1469
01:25:20,875 --> 01:25:23,916
- You do own a corporate...
- You think I'm just a businessman?

1470
01:25:25,500 --> 01:25:27,791
Do you think you know me, Doctor?

1471
01:25:29,375 --> 01:25:30,291
Business?

1472
01:25:31,250 --> 01:25:35,125
This is evolution.
This is evolution of the human species.

1473
01:25:36,125 --> 01:25:38,125
- What are you doing bringing this…
- Well...

1474
01:25:38,208 --> 01:25:41,375
You know that BASH has
over 40 million data points on you,

1475
01:25:41,458 --> 01:25:45,458
on every decision you have made
since 1994, Doctor?

1476
01:25:45,541 --> 01:25:50,041
I… I know when you have colon polyps

1477
01:25:50,125 --> 01:25:51,833
months before your doctor does.

1478
01:25:51,916 --> 01:25:53,750
You got four or five
at the moment actually.

1479
01:25:53,833 --> 01:25:57,375
You know, they're not of concern,
but I'd have a checkup as soon as you can.

1480
01:25:57,458 --> 01:26:01,916
But much more importantly than that,
I know what <i>you</i> are. I know who you are.

1481
01:26:02,000 --> 01:26:07,000
My algorithms have determined
eight fundamental consumer profile types.

1482
01:26:07,083 --> 01:26:10,791
You are a lifestyle idealist.

1483
01:26:10,875 --> 01:26:15,125
You think you're motivated
by beliefs, high ethical beliefs.

1484
01:26:15,208 --> 01:26:20,125
But you just run towards pleasure
and away from pain.

1485
01:26:22,375 --> 01:26:25,000
Like a… Like a field mouse.

1486
01:26:27,125 --> 01:26:28,500
I'm just trying to…

1487
01:26:29,916 --> 01:26:32,875
I just wanna make sure
that the science is sound on this project.

1488
01:26:32,958 --> 01:26:34,041
I hope you understand...

1489
01:26:34,125 --> 01:26:38,250
Our algorithms
can even predict how you'll die.

1490
01:26:39,125 --> 01:26:44,375
To 96… 96.5% accuracy.

1491
01:26:44,458 --> 01:26:46,333
I looked you up after we met.

1492
01:26:47,541 --> 01:26:52,000
Your death was so unremarkable and boring.

1493
01:26:52,666 --> 01:26:56,750
I can't remember the details,
apart from one thing.

1494
01:26:59,000 --> 01:27:00,750
You're gonna die alone.

1495
01:27:03,750 --> 01:27:04,791
Alone.

1496
01:27:05,291 --> 01:27:09,958
If you'll excuse me, Madam President.
I've got some work to do.

1497
01:27:10,041 --> 01:27:11,708
What the hell are you doing?

1498
01:27:11,791 --> 01:27:14,333
- My God.
- I was trying to do my job.

1499
01:27:14,416 --> 01:27:17,708
You are just so lucky
that Peter adores you.

1500
01:27:25,083 --> 01:27:27,375
You're with the grown-ups now, Randall.

1501
01:27:27,458 --> 01:27:29,083
I can't even follow this shit anymore!

1502
01:27:35,166 --> 01:27:40,375
BASH got Orlean to pay
the Chilean government, if I'm correct,

1503
01:27:40,458 --> 01:27:44,583
$90 billion to let the tsunami
hit off the coast of the country.

1504
01:27:44,666 --> 01:27:45,666
That sound right to you?

1505
01:27:45,750 --> 01:27:47,666
Isherwell built
an underground bunker

1506
01:27:47,750 --> 01:27:49,333
for him and all his executives.

1507
01:27:49,416 --> 01:27:51,791
No, I heard that
they built an escape ship.

1508
01:27:51,875 --> 01:27:55,250
You guys,
the truth is way more depressing.

1509
01:27:56,291 --> 01:28:00,208
They're not even smart enough to be
as evil as you're giving them credit for.

1510
01:28:05,958 --> 01:28:06,833
Ugh!

1511
01:28:06,916 --> 01:28:08,541
- What?
- No.

1512
01:28:12,916 --> 01:28:16,125
Fuck! You're driving me fucking
crazy, Kate.

1513
01:28:16,208 --> 01:28:17,833
Fuck it. We're all gonna die.

1514
01:28:35,333 --> 01:28:36,750
<i>…movie will be released</i>

1515
01:28:36,833 --> 01:28:40,166
<i>the day that some believe
Comet Dibiasky will impact the planet.</i>

1516
01:28:40,250 --> 01:28:42,750
<i>And the early word is
it's already a classic, Brie.</i>

1517
01:28:42,833 --> 01:28:45,500
<i>Oh, yes.</i>
<i>Well, and what a stellar cast.</i>

1518
01:28:45,583 --> 01:28:48,041
- Devin. Yeah.
- I love Devin Peters.

1519
01:28:48,125 --> 01:28:49,625
<i>He's great. Everything he does.</i>

1520
01:28:49,708 --> 01:28:52,708
<i>- What's it called again?</i>
<i>- It's called </i>Total Devastation.

1521
01:28:52,791 --> 01:28:56,208
- It cost $300 million to make.
- Whoo!

1522
01:28:56,291 --> 01:28:59,333
- I mean, these movies...
- It's more than you earn.

1523
01:28:59,416 --> 01:29:01,791
Tell me about it.
And my friend Farley, he saw it.

1524
01:29:01,875 --> 01:29:04,625
- He said it's a ton of fun. That's right.
- Well, Farley likes it.

1525
01:29:04,708 --> 01:29:07,250
All right, well, what Farley says goes.

1526
01:29:07,333 --> 01:29:08,583
<i>But, uh, first,</i>

1527
01:29:09,416 --> 01:29:12,458
and yes, you can tell from my smile…

1528
01:29:12,541 --> 01:29:13,833
Stop it.

1529
01:29:13,916 --> 01:29:18,916
That America's sexiest scientist is here.
Dr. Randall. Welcome.

1530
01:29:19,666 --> 01:29:21,375
Dr. Randall, how are you, sir?

1531
01:29:21,458 --> 01:29:24,208
I'm... I'm good.
I'm gooder than good.

1532
01:29:25,666 --> 01:29:30,833
All right. So, Randall, we're hearing
that there is no comet,

1533
01:29:30,916 --> 01:29:34,375
or that there is a comet but it's
a good thing or maybe it's a bad thing.

1534
01:29:34,458 --> 01:29:36,750
<i>We are so confused.</i>

1535
01:29:36,833 --> 01:29:41,166
So, could you please help us out here,
you know, oh, wise scientist?

1536
01:29:42,541 --> 01:29:45,416
Well, first and foremost, Brie, um…

1537
01:29:45,500 --> 01:29:47,833
…there most certainly
is a comet.

1538
01:29:47,916 --> 01:29:48,791
All right.

1539
01:29:48,875 --> 01:29:52,125
And we know that there is a comet
because we have the data.

1540
01:29:53,125 --> 01:29:54,416
Um…

1541
01:29:54,500 --> 01:29:58,666
There has been growing concern within
the scientific community as of late.

1542
01:29:59,333 --> 01:30:02,875
You see, the peer-review process
is absolutely essential…

1543
01:30:02,958 --> 01:30:05,583
- If BASH's stock…
- …for us to get to the facts of… Yes?

1544
01:30:05,666 --> 01:30:07,333
If BASH's stock is any indicator,

1545
01:30:07,416 --> 01:30:09,333
we don't have to worry
about the peer review.

1546
01:30:09,416 --> 01:30:10,583
It is going gangbusters.

1547
01:30:10,666 --> 01:30:13,125
And full disclosure.
I bought as many shares as I could.

1548
01:30:13,208 --> 01:30:14,500
I advise you to do the same.

1549
01:30:14,583 --> 01:30:16,333
You are such a shameless capitalist.

1550
01:30:16,416 --> 01:30:19,458
Said the woman who will be
in the brand-new hot tub on my back deck

1551
01:30:19,541 --> 01:30:22,083
- when I put it in from the stock.
- You know me too well.

1552
01:30:22,166 --> 01:30:23,208
That's right.

1553
01:30:23,291 --> 01:30:25,875
Dr. Randall, you sure you're okay?
You want a glass of water…

1554
01:30:25,958 --> 01:30:27,166
I don't feel so good.

1555
01:30:27,250 --> 01:30:29,625
So I think we'll go
to commercial break...

1556
01:30:29,708 --> 01:30:33,291
No, Please, Brie. Don't cut away.
Let me say something.

1557
01:30:33,375 --> 01:30:34,916
- Okay.
- You came to the right place.

1558
01:30:35,000 --> 01:30:36,375
We like to say things.

1559
01:30:36,458 --> 01:30:40,416
Would you please
just stop being so pleasant?

1560
01:30:41,833 --> 01:30:44,791
I'm sorry, but not everything
needs to sound so goddamn clever

1561
01:30:44,875 --> 01:30:47,083
or charming or likeable all the time.

1562
01:30:47,166 --> 01:30:50,583
Sometimes we need to just be able
to say things to one another.

1563
01:30:50,666 --> 01:30:52,083
We need to hear things.

1564
01:30:53,833 --> 01:30:57,125
Look, let's establish, once again,

1565
01:30:57,791 --> 01:31:01,916
that there is a huge comet
headed towards Earth.

1566
01:31:02,666 --> 01:31:05,291
And the reason we know
that there is a comet

1567
01:31:05,375 --> 01:31:06,833
is because we saw it.

1568
01:31:06,916 --> 01:31:10,208
We saw it with our own eyes
using a telescope.

1569
01:31:10,291 --> 01:31:13,500
I mean, for God's sake,
we took a fucking picture of it!

1570
01:31:13,583 --> 01:31:15,291
What other proof do we need?

1571
01:31:15,791 --> 01:31:18,375
And if we can't all agree
at the bare minimum

1572
01:31:18,458 --> 01:31:22,875
that a giant comet
the size of Mount Everest

1573
01:31:22,958 --> 01:31:29,041
hurtling its way towards planet Earth
is not a fucking good thing,

1574
01:31:29,833 --> 01:31:32,125
then what the hell happened to us?

1575
01:31:33,000 --> 01:31:37,333
I mean, my God, how do...
How do we even talk to each other?

1576
01:31:37,416 --> 01:31:41,208
What've we… What've we done to ourselves?
How do we fix it?

1577
01:31:41,291 --> 01:31:44,791
We should have deflected this comet
when we had the fucking chance,

1578
01:31:44,875 --> 01:31:48,083
but we didn't do it.
I don't know why we didn't do it.

1579
01:31:48,166 --> 01:31:51,958
And now they're
actually firing scientists like me

1580
01:31:52,041 --> 01:31:54,666
for speaking out, for opposing them.

1581
01:31:55,416 --> 01:31:57,875
And I'm sure many of the people out there

1582
01:31:57,958 --> 01:31:59,958
aren't even
gonna listen to what I just said

1583
01:32:00,041 --> 01:32:02,833
'cause they have
their own political ideology,

1584
01:32:03,500 --> 01:32:05,916
but I… assure you,

1585
01:32:06,583 --> 01:32:08,583
I am not on one side or the other.

1586
01:32:08,666 --> 01:32:10,916
I'm just telling you the fucking truth.

1587
01:32:11,000 --> 01:32:12,625
This would be a good time to establish

1588
01:32:12,708 --> 01:32:15,250
that Isherwell and the president
have both said

1589
01:32:15,333 --> 01:32:16,958
that there's benefits to be...

1590
01:32:17,041 --> 01:32:21,750
Right, well, the president
of the United States is fucking lying!

1591
01:32:23,125 --> 01:32:24,708
Look, I'm just like all of you.

1592
01:32:24,791 --> 01:32:29,833
I hope to God, I hope to <i>God</i> that
this president knows what she's doing.

1593
01:32:29,916 --> 01:32:33,750
I hope she's got us all taken care of,
but the truth is,

1594
01:32:33,833 --> 01:32:36,875
I think this whole administration

1595
01:32:36,958 --> 01:32:41,500
has completely lost their fucking mind!

1596
01:32:41,583 --> 01:32:45,125
And I think we're all gonna die!

1597
01:32:49,291 --> 01:32:51,125
Look, I just wanna go home.

1598
01:32:51,791 --> 01:32:54,125
I just wanna go home.

1599
01:32:54,208 --> 01:32:56,125
I just wanna go home more than anything.

1600
01:33:00,875 --> 01:33:02,583
But if there is one thing,

1601
01:33:03,208 --> 01:33:05,291
one thing that I pray…

1602
01:33:05,375 --> 01:33:09,833
That I pray that all of you hear
from what I have just said,

1603
01:33:10,625 --> 01:33:13,583
is that all of us, all of us…

1604
01:33:22,083 --> 01:33:23,625
Why'd you do that?

1605
01:33:24,750 --> 01:33:28,250
I really liked you
and I despise most people.

1606
01:33:29,791 --> 01:33:33,000
You know, I…
I really thought I loved you.

1607
01:33:35,791 --> 01:33:36,958
Really?

1608
01:33:37,875 --> 01:33:38,750
Wow.

1609
01:33:40,375 --> 01:33:41,833
That's wild.

1610
01:33:43,000 --> 01:33:44,625
Yeah.

1611
01:33:44,708 --> 01:33:47,416
Ma'am, you need to go.
We gotta get this man off the grid.

1612
01:33:49,500 --> 01:33:50,708
You still there?

1613
01:33:53,750 --> 01:33:54,791
No.

1614
01:33:57,291 --> 01:34:01,041
Well, maybe he just gets off
on the power, you know,

1615
01:34:01,125 --> 01:34:02,791
like any kind of power.

1616
01:34:02,875 --> 01:34:07,750
It's like he knew eventually that I was
gonna find out that the snacks were free.

1617
01:34:07,833 --> 01:34:09,291
- Right.
- You know what I mean?

1618
01:34:09,375 --> 01:34:11,833
- Yeah.
- So it was just like a power play.

1619
01:34:12,541 --> 01:34:13,625
Yeah, guys are weird.

1620
01:34:16,250 --> 01:34:20,000
I'm starting to think that all this
"end of the world" stuff is bullshit.

1621
01:34:21,625 --> 01:34:22,833
It's not.

1622
01:34:22,916 --> 01:34:26,833
It's definitely happening. I've seen it.

1623
01:34:27,416 --> 01:34:31,041
I feel like if God wanted to destroy
the Earth, He would destroy the Earth.

1624
01:34:33,333 --> 01:34:34,583
You believe in God?

1625
01:34:36,541 --> 01:34:39,166
Yeah, I mean,
my parents raised me Evangelical,

1626
01:34:39,250 --> 01:34:41,583
and I hate them,
but I found my own way to it.

1627
01:34:41,666 --> 01:34:42,916
My own relationship.

1628
01:34:44,333 --> 01:34:45,458
Hmm.

1629
01:34:46,416 --> 01:34:48,708
I'd appreciate it
if you didn't advertise it, though.

1630
01:34:52,041 --> 01:34:55,166
I won't tell anybody.
I think it's kind of sweet.

1631
01:34:58,750 --> 01:35:01,333
- Wanna make out?
- Yeah, why not?

1632
01:35:02,458 --> 01:35:05,458
Can you not say "why not"?
It makes me feel like you don't want it.

1633
01:35:06,458 --> 01:35:07,458
It's shitty.

1634
01:35:09,541 --> 01:35:12,166
- Sure, whatever.
- That's better.

1635
01:35:42,708 --> 01:35:44,833
- Oh, my God, that's it.
- What? What?

1636
01:35:44,916 --> 01:35:47,166
- That's the comet.
- What? Where?

1637
01:35:48,833 --> 01:35:51,916
- Where? Uh-huh.
- Well, that's the Big Dipper.

1638
01:35:52,000 --> 01:35:54,916
- That's Venus. That's the North Star.
- Uh-huh.

1639
01:35:55,500 --> 01:35:57,958
- Well, what is that?
- Oh, shit.

1640
01:36:06,458 --> 01:36:07,708
What the hell?

1641
01:36:10,500 --> 01:36:11,500
What?

1642
01:36:13,750 --> 01:36:14,583
Come on.

1643
01:36:22,208 --> 01:36:23,208
There it is.

1644
01:36:25,958 --> 01:36:27,125
There you are.

1645
01:36:30,166 --> 01:36:31,166
There you are.

1646
01:36:32,083 --> 01:36:34,250
Is anyone else seeing this? That's it.

1647
01:36:35,041 --> 01:36:38,833
That's it. That's the comet.
Look! It's right there.

1648
01:37:16,333 --> 01:37:19,291
- That's, you know, kinda scary.
- Oh! Exactly.

1649
01:37:23,791 --> 01:37:25,625
- Dr. Mindy.
<i>- Kate.</i>

1650
01:37:25,708 --> 01:37:27,875
Doc, you can see it.

1651
01:37:27,958 --> 01:37:32,166
I… I'm looking at it right now too.
It's unbelievable. It's…

1652
01:37:32,666 --> 01:37:36,250
It's horrific and it's…
And it's beautiful at the same time.

1653
01:37:36,333 --> 01:37:38,041
Oh, my God.

1654
01:37:43,208 --> 01:37:45,125
We've been trying to tell you.

1655
01:37:45,750 --> 01:37:49,041
We tried to tell you this whole time.
It's right there. It's…

1656
01:37:49,875 --> 01:37:51,458
It's right there, Kate.

1657
01:37:54,291 --> 01:37:55,375
<i>Where are you?</i>

1658
01:37:55,458 --> 01:37:56,875
I'm in Lansing, Michigan

1659
01:37:56,958 --> 01:38:00,125
<i>trying to fix things with June,
but she won't talk to me.</i>

1660
01:38:00,208 --> 01:38:02,083
<i>- Where are you?</i>
- What the fuck?

1661
01:38:03,041 --> 01:38:04,166
I…

1662
01:38:04,250 --> 01:38:06,291
<i>I'm gonna come find you, okay?</i>

1663
01:38:07,375 --> 01:38:10,708
Well, I'm in Illinois.
I could be ready by tomorrow.

1664
01:38:12,083 --> 01:38:13,375
- Dearest Father…
- Yeah, I'm...

1665
01:38:13,458 --> 01:38:16,000
…as a sinner I come to You
for Your grace and guidance…

1666
01:38:16,083 --> 01:38:18,125
<i>They're finally seeing it.</i>

1667
01:38:18,708 --> 01:38:20,250
They're finally seeing it.

1668
01:38:26,083 --> 01:38:27,583
There it is!

1669
01:38:41,625 --> 01:38:45,208
Go outside into your yard,
onto a roof, onto your sidewalk,

1670
01:38:45,291 --> 01:38:46,708
and just look up into the sky.

1671
01:38:46,791 --> 01:38:50,125
The star's gonna appear fuzzy.
It's got a long streak coming off of it.

1672
01:38:50,208 --> 01:38:51,708
That's the comet's tail.

1673
01:38:51,791 --> 01:38:53,375
<i>It's real and it's coming.</i>

1674
01:38:53,458 --> 01:38:56,041
<i>If anyone tells you any different,
they're full of shit.</i>

1675
01:38:56,125 --> 01:38:57,625
<i>Just look up into the sky.</i>

1676
01:38:57,708 --> 01:38:59,166
<i>It's a fucking fact.</i>

1677
01:38:59,250 --> 01:39:00,708
<i>- We have proof.
- Just look up.</i>

1678
01:39:00,791 --> 01:39:04,416
<i>Guys, please just look up, okay?
Screw the manatees and just look up.</i>

1679
01:39:04,500 --> 01:39:05,458
<i>Just look up.</i>

1680
01:39:05,541 --> 01:39:07,625
- <i>Just look up!</i>
<i>- Just look up! Just look up!</i>

1681
01:39:07,708 --> 01:39:08,708
<i>Just look up!</i>

1682
01:39:08,791 --> 01:39:13,083
<i>Dr. Mindy, the president's
plan to save Earth</i>

1683
01:39:13,166 --> 01:39:18,125
<i>and make it so we can all have a home
is going to work, right?</i>

1684
01:39:18,208 --> 01:39:22,250
<i>Every single man, woman and child
on this planet is going to die.</i>

1685
01:39:22,333 --> 01:39:25,541
<i>- I don't like him. He makes me sad.
- I'm sorry about that.</i>

1686
01:39:25,625 --> 01:39:27,625
<i>- This is not what we rehearsed.
- Kids, listen.</i>

1687
01:39:27,708 --> 01:39:30,875
You tell your parents
that President Orlean and Isherwell

1688
01:39:30,958 --> 01:39:32,625
are sociopaths and fascists!

1689
01:39:39,791 --> 01:39:42,708
And do you know why
they want you to look up?

1690
01:39:43,666 --> 01:39:45,416
Do you know why?

1691
01:39:45,500 --> 01:39:48,041
'Cause they want you to be afraid.

1692
01:39:49,500 --> 01:39:51,958
They want you to look up

1693
01:39:52,041 --> 01:39:54,708
because they are
looking down their noses at you.

1694
01:39:56,041 --> 01:39:57,916
<i>They think they're better than you.</i>

1695
01:39:58,000 --> 01:40:00,500
<i>Don't look up!</i>

1696
01:40:00,583 --> 01:40:02,833
<i>They wanna rob you of your freedom,
and that's a fact!</i>

1697
01:40:02,916 --> 01:40:05,000
<i>Don't look up!</i>

1698
01:40:05,083 --> 01:40:06,833
<i>The US president, Orlean…</i>

1699
01:40:06,916 --> 01:40:09,250
<i>Just look up!</i>

1700
01:40:09,333 --> 01:40:12,625
<i>…has not included India
or any other nation in the world</i>

1701
01:40:12,708 --> 01:40:14,041
<i>to be a part of this mission.</i>

1702
01:40:14,750 --> 01:40:17,375
<i>This dude is a known pornographer
named Kip…</i>

1703
01:40:17,458 --> 01:40:18,708
<i>Don't listen to that dumbfuck.</i>

1704
01:40:18,791 --> 01:40:24,791
<i>The United Nations have been
considering its own deflective mission.</i>

1705
01:40:24,875 --> 01:40:27,125
<i>Just look up, for fuck's sake!</i>

1706
01:40:27,208 --> 01:40:30,958
Now I know a lot of Hollywood
is supporting the Just Look Up movement,

1707
01:40:31,041 --> 01:40:32,875
but I haven't seen a pin like that.

1708
01:40:32,958 --> 01:40:37,708
Yeah, this pin points both up and down.

1709
01:40:38,291 --> 01:40:42,916
Because I think, as a country,
we need to stop arguing

1710
01:40:43,000 --> 01:40:45,500
and virtue signaling. Just get along.

1711
01:40:46,125 --> 01:40:48,500
- That is so refreshing.
- Hmm.

1712
01:40:48,583 --> 01:40:51,208
I think
we're all tired of the politics.

1713
01:40:51,291 --> 01:40:53,458
Yeah, yeah. Well…

1714
01:40:54,458 --> 01:40:56,083
That's why we made <i>Total Devastation.</i>

1715
01:40:56,166 --> 01:40:58,291
It's for everyone. You know?
It's a popcorn movie.

1716
01:40:58,375 --> 01:41:02,083
You keep your eye on the road ahead,
you put your head down.

1717
01:41:02,166 --> 01:41:04,583
And you put
one foot in front of the other,

1718
01:41:04,666 --> 01:41:05,708
step by step.

1719
01:41:07,000 --> 01:41:08,083
<i>Day by day.</i>

1720
01:41:08,166 --> 01:41:11,375
- Don't look up!
- Don't!

1721
01:41:17,458 --> 01:41:20,500
So we wanna say something loud and clear.

1722
01:41:20,583 --> 01:41:24,208
There is no safe way
to bring this comet back to Earth

1723
01:41:24,291 --> 01:41:27,000
and exploit it for profit.
It cannot be done!

1724
01:41:27,583 --> 01:41:31,458
Nations of the world,
defy Orlean and BASH!

1725
01:41:31,541 --> 01:41:36,083
Launch your own nuclear deflection mission
now and save this planet!

1726
01:41:37,541 --> 01:41:43,375
And now, uh, there's Riley Bina
with her special guest.

1727
01:41:43,458 --> 01:41:45,708
I forgot the name. Thank you.

1728
01:43:00,000 --> 01:43:03,666
Is that a rock-solid ten smokeshow
of a president or what?

1729
01:43:04,750 --> 01:43:06,583
If she wasn't my mother…

1730
01:43:08,291 --> 01:43:10,041
There's three types of American people.

1731
01:43:11,000 --> 01:43:13,166
There are you, the working class.

1732
01:43:13,250 --> 01:43:17,083
Us, the cool rich, and then them.

1733
01:43:19,583 --> 01:43:21,625
I'm sorry, but we need them.

1734
01:43:22,166 --> 01:43:26,291
We need them because
you build us up to fight them.

1735
01:43:26,375 --> 01:43:28,541
The working class, the lower.

1736
01:43:28,625 --> 01:43:30,750
- You understand?
- No, I don't get it.

1737
01:43:30,833 --> 01:43:33,041
Do you understand? I'm talking about…

1738
01:43:33,125 --> 01:43:35,000
I'm talking about nutritionists.

1739
01:43:35,541 --> 01:43:37,666
I'm talking about personal trainers,

1740
01:43:38,500 --> 01:43:40,125
people at the spa,

1741
01:43:40,208 --> 01:43:43,125
but not the ones that check you in
and they're not the masseuses,

1742
01:43:43,208 --> 01:43:45,750
but they walk you down the corridor.

1743
01:43:45,833 --> 01:43:46,750
They're there…

1744
01:44:01,291 --> 01:44:04,083
- Divest from BASH when?
- Divest now!

1745
01:44:04,166 --> 01:44:05,833
Divest from BASH when?

1746
01:44:08,958 --> 01:44:10,541
We will not be quiet!

1747
01:45:18,500 --> 01:45:19,583
Oh.

1748
01:45:20,541 --> 01:45:23,833
Hey, good afternoon, Adam.
What do I owe the pleasure of this call?

1749
01:45:30,041 --> 01:45:31,041
What time?

1750
01:45:38,791 --> 01:45:41,708
Well, uh… Well, thank you for calling.

1751
01:45:41,791 --> 01:45:42,708
Um…

1752
01:45:44,125 --> 01:45:45,125
Yeah.

1753
01:46:01,583 --> 01:46:02,541
What?

1754
01:46:05,958 --> 01:46:06,958
What?

1755
01:46:09,916 --> 01:46:14,708
Orlean and BASH
cut Russia, India, and China

1756
01:46:15,958 --> 01:46:17,375
out of the rights for the minerals.

1757
01:46:17,458 --> 01:46:20,916
So they tried their own
joint deflection mission,

1758
01:46:21,000 --> 01:46:25,708
but, uh… approximately 40 minutes ago,

1759
01:46:26,583 --> 01:46:33,000
there was a massive explosion detected
at the Russian's Baikonur launch complex.

1760
01:46:35,458 --> 01:46:37,666
So it looks like the mission failed.

1761
01:46:42,791 --> 01:46:44,000
That's it?

1762
01:46:47,083 --> 01:46:48,666
What do you mean, "that's it?"

1763
01:46:52,083 --> 01:46:53,125
Teddy?

1764
01:46:56,458 --> 01:46:57,333
Right?

1765
01:47:03,166 --> 01:47:07,000
There is still the BASH mission.
It's all we have now.

1766
01:47:14,083 --> 01:47:15,083
Fuck!

1767
01:47:27,291 --> 01:47:30,083
These Just Look Uppers

1768
01:47:30,166 --> 01:47:35,833
want millions of illegal Chileans
to come across the border.

1769
01:47:36,875 --> 01:47:40,291
Don't look up.

1770
01:47:44,541 --> 01:47:46,291
The hell is that?

1771
01:47:52,416 --> 01:47:54,583
Fucking lied to us.

1772
01:47:56,125 --> 01:47:59,041
The president just texted me.

1773
01:47:59,125 --> 01:48:02,583
"Don't trip. It's all good. Don't trip."

1774
01:48:05,000 --> 01:48:06,000
Hey, now.

1775
01:48:06,583 --> 01:48:09,250
You cut my face, you fucking rednecks!

1776
01:48:22,041 --> 01:48:24,375
Man, there hasn't been
a car in, like, an hour.

1777
01:48:25,875 --> 01:48:28,541
Yep.
Everyone's watching the BASH launch.

1778
01:48:31,041 --> 01:48:32,333
What are we doing again?

1779
01:48:35,000 --> 01:48:39,416
I told you. We're, uh…
We're gonna go buy some groceries.

1780
01:48:48,041 --> 01:48:53,250
The Mills Brothers. Great band.
You know, Duke Ellington found this band.

1781
01:48:55,958 --> 01:49:00,000
I think they were originally called
the Four Kings of Harmony.

1782
01:49:05,750 --> 01:49:08,208
"Till Then," this is the song.
It's about, uh…

1783
01:49:09,208 --> 01:49:11,458
It's about soldiers
going off to World War II

1784
01:49:11,541 --> 01:49:13,375
and thinking about home.

1785
01:49:16,625 --> 01:49:17,708
Listen to this part.

1786
01:49:21,041 --> 01:49:27,041
"Although there are oceans we must cross
and mountains that we must climb…"

1787
01:49:31,625 --> 01:49:34,708
"I know that every gain must have a loss."

1788
01:49:36,708 --> 01:49:40,708
"So pray that our loss
is nothing but time."

1789
01:49:46,541 --> 01:49:49,083
- Okay, I gotta ask you something.
- What?

1790
01:49:51,666 --> 01:49:53,666
Dr. Mindy, can I be vulnerable
in your car?

1791
01:49:53,750 --> 01:49:55,125
Yeah, go ahead.

1792
01:49:57,083 --> 01:49:58,875
I've never met anyone like you

1793
01:49:58,958 --> 01:50:01,166
and I feel a connection to you
on a level that…

1794
01:50:04,333 --> 01:50:06,250
I don't know,
I haven't felt with anyone else,

1795
01:50:06,333 --> 01:50:08,375
and going out on a limb,

1796
01:50:08,458 --> 01:50:10,458
but would you want to spend
more time together?

1797
01:50:10,541 --> 01:50:14,958
Maybe even get engaged or something?

1798
01:50:16,166 --> 01:50:18,000
- Wow.
- Are you laughing?

1799
01:50:18,875 --> 01:50:20,125
- No?
- I'm smiling.

1800
01:50:21,541 --> 01:50:23,541
- Well, sure.
- This is sweet.

1801
01:50:23,625 --> 01:50:26,875
- Why not?
- This is pretty sweet.

1802
01:50:37,291 --> 01:50:41,791
And you read
the tea leaves for Dr. Mindy.

1803
01:50:41,875 --> 01:50:43,875
- You showed him the algorithm.
- Oh, yeah.

1804
01:50:43,958 --> 01:50:46,041
You really shook him
with that information.

1805
01:50:46,125 --> 01:50:48,916
- How he was gonna die.
- Yeah, it is shaking.

1806
01:50:49,625 --> 01:50:51,916
It got me so excited
to know about my own death.

1807
01:50:54,583 --> 01:50:57,208
I don't think I wanna know.
Yes, I do. I wanna to know.

1808
01:50:57,291 --> 01:51:01,541
You're gonna be eaten by a Bronteroc.
We don't know what it means.

1809
01:51:01,625 --> 01:51:03,583
- A what?
- A Bronteroc.

1810
01:51:05,208 --> 01:51:07,708
- Oh.
- Okay, people, we have clear skies.

1811
01:51:09,541 --> 01:51:12,750
And we are a go for the BEAD launch.

1812
01:51:12,833 --> 01:51:13,958
Madam President?

1813
01:51:14,041 --> 01:51:18,583
Citizens of planet Earth. Now…

1814
01:51:19,541 --> 01:51:23,250
Look at this, Kate. They have wild salmon.

1815
01:51:23,333 --> 01:51:26,416
Look at the difference between that
and the farm-raised stuff.

1816
01:51:26,500 --> 01:51:29,708
You see how that looks just…
I don't know. Looks fake, right?

1817
01:51:30,833 --> 01:51:33,375
Hey, why don't you go find some, uh…

1818
01:51:33,458 --> 01:51:35,958
What are the little potatoes called,
the tiny ones?

1819
01:51:36,041 --> 01:51:37,166
- Fingerling potatoes?
- Yeah.

1820
01:51:37,250 --> 01:51:39,750
- I fucking love fingerling potatoes.
- Let's get finger…

1821
01:51:39,833 --> 01:51:41,333
Do you wanna say something too?

1822
01:51:41,416 --> 01:51:42,708
That was beautiful. Yeah.

1823
01:51:43,666 --> 01:51:47,791
What up, world? Jason Orlean,
uh, Chief of Staff, United States.

1824
01:51:47,875 --> 01:51:48,833
Um…

1825
01:51:49,875 --> 01:51:53,458
I've been noticing a lot of prayers
recently for people during this time

1826
01:51:54,291 --> 01:51:55,750
and I commend that, um,

1827
01:51:55,833 --> 01:52:02,125
but I also wanna give a prayer for stuff.

1828
01:52:03,625 --> 01:52:08,916
There's dope stuff, like material stuff,
like sick apartments and watches,

1829
01:52:09,000 --> 01:52:11,750
<i>and cars, um, and clothes and shit</i>

1830
01:52:11,833 --> 01:52:16,416
<i>that could all go away
and I don't wanna see that stuff go away.</i>

1831
01:52:16,500 --> 01:52:18,833
So I'm gonna say a prayer
for that stuff. Amen.

1832
01:52:21,958 --> 01:52:25,041
<i>Just a quiet trepidation</i>
<i>among this much smaller crowd.</i>

1833
01:52:25,125 --> 01:52:27,000
<i>I can hear the sounds
of some people praying.</i>

1834
01:52:27,083 --> 01:52:29,166
Okay, Anderson, let's go get it.

1835
01:52:29,250 --> 01:52:32,500
Yes, sir. Here we go, people.

1836
01:52:33,291 --> 01:52:34,125
Ten.

1837
01:52:34,208 --> 01:52:41,125
<i>Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,</i>

1838
01:52:41,833 --> 01:52:43,875
<i>five, four…</i>

1839
01:53:02,666 --> 01:53:03,500
Hey.

1840
01:53:04,958 --> 01:53:05,791
Hi.

1841
01:53:16,583 --> 01:53:19,541
We, uh, got some groceries.

1842
01:53:28,916 --> 01:53:30,291
Yo, what was that?

1843
01:53:30,375 --> 01:53:32,291
We lost BEAD number 12.

1844
01:53:35,208 --> 01:53:36,833
BEAD number 22 failed to launch.

1845
01:53:37,708 --> 01:53:40,541
It's fine. It's fine.

1846
01:53:40,625 --> 01:53:44,666
We had anticipated a margin for error.

1847
01:53:44,750 --> 01:53:46,250
Everything is fine.

1848
01:53:46,333 --> 01:53:50,833
I was hoping
we could, um, have a family dinner.

1849
01:53:50,916 --> 01:53:52,291
Hey, Dad.

1850
01:53:52,375 --> 01:53:54,458
- Hey, guys. Hey.
- Hey.

1851
01:54:00,833 --> 01:54:01,750
What do you say?

1852
01:54:04,166 --> 01:54:05,000
Yeah.

1853
01:54:05,916 --> 01:54:07,291
- Thank you.
- Yeah.

1854
01:54:07,791 --> 01:54:10,000
- This is, uh… This is Kate.
- Oh, hi.

1855
01:54:10,083 --> 01:54:11,916
- Hello. Hi, Kate.
- Let me grab those bags.

1856
01:54:12,000 --> 01:54:13,750
- Nice to meet you. I'm Yule.
- Yule.

1857
01:54:13,833 --> 01:54:16,000
I'm FirePuma142 on Twitch. You game?

1858
01:54:16,625 --> 01:54:18,125
It's really doubtful she knows.

1859
01:54:18,208 --> 01:54:19,833
- You're right.
- Who said I game?

1860
01:54:21,000 --> 01:54:23,333
I… I got these for you.

1861
01:54:25,208 --> 01:54:27,166
Thank you. That's really sweet, honey.

1862
01:54:33,375 --> 01:54:35,375
I'm so sorry. You have no idea.

1863
01:54:37,208 --> 01:54:39,916
- I really am.
- I know. I know.

1864
01:54:40,750 --> 01:54:43,875
- I've missed you.
- I missed you so much.

1865
01:54:50,875 --> 01:54:53,625
When we dated in college,
I fucked Aaron Tran.

1866
01:54:55,875 --> 01:54:56,708
Oh?

1867
01:54:57,333 --> 01:54:58,708
Yeah, so, uh…

1868
01:55:14,541 --> 01:55:16,833
- That is really good.
- Really good, right?

1869
01:55:27,708 --> 01:55:30,000
- Hey, everybody.
- Hey!

1870
01:55:30,083 --> 01:55:32,791
- Sorry I'm late, but not empty-handed.
- Hey, my friend.

1871
01:55:33,875 --> 01:55:37,375
Evan, Marshall, June,
this is Dr. Oglethorpe.

1872
01:55:52,000 --> 01:55:54,875
BEADs have approached
optimal escape velocity

1873
01:55:54,958 --> 01:55:59,625
and now approaching Comet Dibiasky
and are ready for attachment mode.

1874
01:56:15,000 --> 01:56:17,625
Uh… Okay. All right.

1875
01:56:17,708 --> 01:56:20,833
Eight and 27 are lost
due to lateral control malfunction.

1876
01:56:21,750 --> 01:56:24,666
Okay, so, now… Now, Peter…

1877
01:56:24,750 --> 01:56:28,958
Peter, we're six drones down.
Is this thing still gonna work?

1878
01:56:29,041 --> 01:56:34,875
Well, the engineer's assured me
that yes, 24 drones is enough.

1879
01:56:35,958 --> 01:56:38,958
Well, how many can we lose?

1880
01:56:41,583 --> 01:56:43,083
How many more?

1881
01:56:46,625 --> 01:56:50,250
{\an8}<i>We're being told that several
of the BEADS have exploded on launch.</i>

1882
01:56:51,291 --> 01:56:54,125
Got the head seat right there.

1883
01:56:54,208 --> 01:56:56,791
You're way too kind, Randall. Thank you.

1884
01:56:56,875 --> 01:56:57,875
Big Doctor.

1885
01:56:57,958 --> 01:56:59,166
Do you want more wine?

1886
01:57:00,291 --> 01:57:02,291
- Hey, cheers, everyone. Huh?
- Cheers.

1887
01:57:02,375 --> 01:57:03,416
- Cheers.
- Love you.

1888
01:57:03,500 --> 01:57:05,250
- Love you.
- Thank you so much for having us.

1889
01:57:05,333 --> 01:57:06,583
Thank you for being here.

1890
01:57:06,666 --> 01:57:08,208
- It's so special.
- Thank you.

1891
01:57:20,958 --> 01:57:24,166
Commence simultaneous
explosive separation stage now.

1892
01:57:27,541 --> 01:57:29,708
Yo. Yo. Mom.

1893
01:57:39,708 --> 01:57:40,750
Beautiful.

1894
01:57:41,333 --> 01:57:43,250
- Thank you, pal.
- Yeah.

1895
01:57:43,333 --> 01:57:48,083
Yeah, it really is.
And it's really good to have you home.

1896
01:57:49,750 --> 01:57:51,500
Dr. Mindy got really famous.

1897
01:57:51,583 --> 01:57:54,125
Oh. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

1898
01:57:54,208 --> 01:57:55,791
That's right. Okay.

1899
01:57:56,708 --> 01:58:00,625
Yep, I was on, uh, magazine covers
and everything. I know.

1900
01:58:01,291 --> 01:58:03,375
- You looked great.
- I'll take your shots.

1901
01:58:07,833 --> 01:58:09,458
- I love you.
- Love you too.

1902
01:58:10,875 --> 01:58:13,500
All right. We need a report.

1903
01:58:13,583 --> 01:58:16,166
Need a full status report
on the explosive devices.

1904
01:58:16,250 --> 01:58:19,416
Get on it.
Still waiting for a full status report.

1905
01:58:21,416 --> 01:58:22,458
All right.

1906
01:58:22,541 --> 01:58:27,625
President Qi of China
says that the comet is still whole.

1907
01:58:27,708 --> 01:58:29,791
We got four misfires and sync was off.

1908
01:58:30,625 --> 01:58:31,625
It's still intact.

1909
01:58:31,708 --> 01:58:32,875
What was that?

1910
01:58:33,541 --> 01:58:35,958
We've got four misfires
and the sync was off.

1911
01:58:36,791 --> 01:58:40,958
Okay. We're all fine. Everyone's fine.

1912
01:58:41,708 --> 01:58:44,791
It's gonna be all right.
If you'll excuse me.

1913
01:58:44,875 --> 01:58:46,125
Nature calls.

1914
01:58:46,208 --> 01:58:49,208
I'm just gonna go to the restroom
for a moment.

1915
01:58:52,666 --> 01:58:55,541
Yes, uh, I think
that I should also step out

1916
01:58:55,625 --> 01:58:57,333
to the restroom for a moment.

1917
01:59:03,583 --> 01:59:05,583
- Should I…
- No, I'll be fine.

1918
01:59:06,625 --> 01:59:08,125
Sir, the president.

1919
01:59:08,875 --> 01:59:11,000
We need to know
what the mission status is.

1920
01:59:13,166 --> 01:59:14,750
She's coming right back.

1921
01:59:15,416 --> 01:59:18,041
Screw this. I'm going to see my husband.

1922
01:59:21,333 --> 01:59:24,625
I'm sorry. I've got a 20-year-old
daughter. I've got to go see her.

1923
01:59:25,291 --> 01:59:26,625
I'm doin' an 8-ball.

1924
01:59:27,791 --> 01:59:28,833
Oh, shit!

1925
01:59:28,916 --> 01:59:30,625
She's coming. She's coming back.

1926
01:59:37,041 --> 01:59:39,250
Hello, there's a ship.

1927
01:59:39,791 --> 01:59:43,916
In case we were wrong,
and clearly, we were wrong.

1928
01:59:44,000 --> 01:59:46,458
Of course you've got a ship.

1929
01:59:46,541 --> 01:59:48,125
<i>It holds 2,000.</i>

1930
01:59:48,208 --> 01:59:51,458
It's state-of-the-art cryo-chambers,
and it's set to find

1931
01:59:51,541 --> 01:59:54,666
the nearest Earth-like planet
in a Goldilocks Zone so…

1932
01:59:54,750 --> 01:59:55,625
Hmm.

1933
01:59:55,708 --> 01:59:57,125
<i>There's room for you and one other.</i>

1934
01:59:58,166 --> 02:00:00,250
Brie, your wife, your call.

1935
02:00:02,708 --> 02:00:09,500
I'm good, but thank you for the offer.
You, uh… You have fun with Jason.

1936
02:00:11,541 --> 02:00:12,500
Jason?

1937
02:00:15,250 --> 02:00:16,375
Oh, shit.

1938
02:00:20,083 --> 02:00:21,083
She's coming back.

1939
02:00:30,125 --> 02:00:33,041
I'm thankful for that night
I fell asleep out in the backyard.

1940
02:00:33,791 --> 02:00:36,166
- Woke up face-to-face with a baby deer.
- I remember that.

1941
02:00:36,250 --> 02:00:38,708
- Yeah.
- Yep. It was the best day of my life.

1942
02:00:50,166 --> 02:00:51,375
I'm grateful…

1943
02:00:58,750 --> 02:01:00,666
I'm grateful we tried.

1944
02:01:03,541 --> 02:01:06,000
Man, oh, man, did we try.

1945
02:01:08,458 --> 02:01:13,791
Well, we're not the most religious here
in the Mindy household,

1946
02:01:13,875 --> 02:01:17,500
but, um, maybe we should say "amen"?
Should we do that?

1947
02:01:17,583 --> 02:01:19,041
Don't look at me.

1948
02:01:19,875 --> 02:01:23,833
I don't know how to…
What, you just say, "Amen"? I don't…

1949
02:01:24,541 --> 02:01:25,750
- I got this.
- Wrap it up?

1950
02:01:26,416 --> 02:01:27,250
I got it.

1951
02:01:38,750 --> 02:01:41,000
Dearest Father and Almighty Creator…

1952
02:01:44,875 --> 02:01:48,708
…we ask for Your grace tonight,
despite our pride.

1953
02:01:50,416 --> 02:01:54,291
Your forgiveness, despite our doubt.

1954
02:01:57,625 --> 02:01:59,125
Most of all, Lord…

1955
02:02:01,125 --> 02:02:05,791
We ask for Your love
to soothe us through these dark times.

1956
02:02:08,291 --> 02:02:10,500
May we face whatever is to come…

1957
02:02:12,791 --> 02:02:18,583
<i>…in Your divine will with courage
and open hearts of acceptance.</i>

1958
02:02:21,833 --> 02:02:24,291
- Amen.
- Amen.

1959
02:02:25,541 --> 02:02:27,708
Wow. Youse got some church game.

1960
02:02:29,625 --> 02:02:30,750
That was beautiful.

1961
02:02:34,166 --> 02:02:36,125
{\an8}The comet remains intact.

1962
02:02:42,875 --> 02:02:44,541
We just never…

1963
02:02:46,750 --> 02:02:50,208
Of course, there's only one story
everyone's talking about tonight.

1964
02:02:50,791 --> 02:02:52,791
<i>Topless urgent care centers.</i>

1965
02:03:03,000 --> 02:03:04,458
Sit.

1966
02:03:06,458 --> 02:03:10,791
Or… we can fuck…

1967
02:03:12,833 --> 02:03:14,666
…or pray, or…

1968
02:03:18,791 --> 02:03:22,291
Honestly, I think
I'd just rather drink and…

1969
02:03:24,250 --> 02:03:25,916
Talk shit about people.

1970
02:03:32,208 --> 02:03:33,833
You'll never take me alive!

1971
02:03:37,041 --> 02:03:37,958
Look out!

1972
02:04:30,083 --> 02:04:32,916
I'm definitely gonna have
some more of this apple pie. It's so good.

1973
02:04:33,000 --> 02:04:35,791
It's actually store-bought,
but you really can't tell.

1974
02:04:37,666 --> 02:04:42,208
If I'm to be completely honest,
which at this moment, why not?

1975
02:04:43,208 --> 02:04:46,916
I actually like the junky taste
of store-bought better than homemade.

1976
02:04:47,666 --> 02:04:48,666
You gotta be kidding me.

1977
02:04:48,750 --> 02:04:52,166
No, I'm not kidding.

1978
02:04:53,458 --> 02:04:56,666
You know what? I know what he means.
It's like a childhood memory thing.

1979
02:05:31,666 --> 02:05:33,583
Nothing is better than homemade, right?

1980
02:05:33,666 --> 02:05:37,208
This coffee doesn't taste
store-bought. Is it?

1981
02:05:37,291 --> 02:05:39,666
I grind my own beans. Yeah.

1982
02:05:39,750 --> 02:05:41,375
Yeah, Dad's kind of a coffee nut.

1983
02:05:41,458 --> 02:05:43,708
Every time you have coffee,
you have to grind your beans?

1984
02:05:44,708 --> 02:05:48,666
Randall is very particular
about his coffee.

1985
02:05:48,750 --> 02:05:50,375
I can get that way about tea.

1986
02:05:53,208 --> 02:05:55,541
Thing of it is, we really…

1987
02:05:57,625 --> 02:05:59,833
We really did have everything, didn't we?

1988
02:06:02,083 --> 02:06:04,500
I mean, when you think about it.

1989
02:09:36,750 --> 02:09:39,916
Hey, oxygen is
actually higher than on Earth

1990
02:09:40,000 --> 02:09:41,166
by nine percent,

1991
02:09:41,250 --> 02:09:43,833
so you might feel a bit light-headed.

1992
02:09:44,666 --> 02:09:48,208
And cryo-chambers were 58% successful,

1993
02:09:48,291 --> 02:09:50,583
which is much better than anticipated.

1994
02:09:50,666 --> 02:09:53,791
Yeah, we only had 47 dead
in our section, so…

1995
02:09:54,583 --> 02:09:59,000
I think this is gonna work out quite well.
Quite well, indeed.

1996
02:09:59,083 --> 02:09:59,916
Goodness.

1997
02:10:00,000 --> 02:10:05,625
Look at that beautiful animal.

1998
02:10:05,708 --> 02:10:09,708
I wonder, are those feathers
or are they scale...

1999
02:10:12,708 --> 02:10:14,958
- That's disgusting.
- What is that thing?

2000
02:10:15,666 --> 02:10:18,125
I believe that's called a Bronteroc.

2001
02:10:20,916 --> 02:10:24,125
Uh… Whatever you do, don't pet them.

2002
02:17:28,166 --> 02:17:29,166
Fuck.

2003
02:17:43,500 --> 02:17:44,458
Mom?

2004
02:17:47,458 --> 02:17:48,541
Mom!

2005
02:17:54,125 --> 02:17:55,333
What's up, y'all?

2006
02:17:56,000 --> 02:17:57,458
I'm the last man on Earth.

2007
02:17:58,750 --> 02:18:00,125
Shit's all fucked up.

2008
02:18:00,875 --> 02:18:02,666
Don't forget to like and subscribe.

2009
02:18:03,458 --> 02:18:04,375
We out here.

2010
02:18:07,250 --> 02:18:08,208
Mom!