A percussive egg and a ukulele begin to play.  It is a familiar chord progression.

Chloe
Golden egg. ...  Come on. (Suddenly starts to sing loudly.) Went to... Come on.  Everyone's got to join in.

Matthew
Well we all know the chorus.

Chloe 
Come on, motherfuckers!  (Again belts it out.)  Went to the doctor said I looked so hard, with a smi...  oh, it's the wrong tune.  Come on, start again.  Will you lead us Matt?

Matthew
Patience, patience, Chlo.  

Chloe
Dah, dah...

Matthew
The intro can go for as long as we like.

Chloe
Oooooooooh, oooooh, oooooooooooooh... (Continues for a couple of rounds.)  Any... whenever you're ready Matt!

Steph laughs.

Matthew
Oh, I...

Matthew and Chloe
... went to the Doctor said I looked so hard, with a smile on his face pointed me to a junkyard, look for an answer in empty doorways...

Matthew
... talked to a dancer, said it's out on the highways

Chloe
(Simultaneously.)... with a smile on his face pointed me to the highways.

Matthew
Come on...

Chloe
What?

Matthew
... doctor won't you give...

Chloe
What?

Matthew
... me a shot

Chloe
I'm getting it wrong??

Matthew
I'm feeling cold boy, I'm...

Steph
Feeling hot?

Matthew
Feeling pretty hot.  The doctor said no boy you've got to learn, first I...

Matthew and Chloe
... shoot up and then it's your turn.  Anything could happen and it could be right now; the choice is yours, so make it worthwhile.  Anything could happen and it could be right now; the choice is yours, so make it worthwhile.

Matthew
Eeeooh.

Chloe
Bah, bah, bah, bah, dah, bah...

Matthew
Neeoooh, neeooow, neeooww....

Chloe
Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah baph-bah dah baph bah dah...

Matthew
Peeoow, peoww, peoww, peoww, peoww, peeoooooo-ohhhh...

Chloe
Bah, bah baph-bah dar...

Matthew
Bah-da baump dah der.  I begged for...

Matthew  and Chloe
... consolation and I got none, I hadn't the motvation to get myself a gun.  I looked for an answer in empty doorways, I talked to a doctor said it's out on the highways.  Well, here I am in...

Matthew
... Wales.

Chloe
... the big Bristol city!

Matthew and Chloe
I've got no heart and...

Chloe
... I've got no pity.

Matthew
... I'm beyond the pale.

Matthew and Chloe
Can't you see, I'm on the run?  Can't you see I'm not having any fun?  Anything could happen and it could be right now; the choice is yours, so make it worthwhile.  Anything could happen and it could be right now; the choice is yours, so make it worthwhile.

Chloe, Sam and Steph
Bah, bah, dah, bah, bah, dah, bah, bah, bah baph-bah dah.

Chloe
And again!

Chloe, Sam and Steph
Bah, bah, dah, bah, bah, dah, bah, bah, bah baph-bah dah.

Matthew
And the chorus.  Once again...

Matthew, Chloe and Sam
Anything could happen and it could be right now; the choice is yours, so make it worthwhile.  Anything could happen and it could be right now; the choice is yours, so make it worthwhile.

The song finishes with a couple more rounds from the ukulele and the percussive egg.

--------------------------------------------------------------

The ukulele is now playing without accompaniment.

Chloe
Monday morning's always calling, in my goonie and I'm yawning; postie stops by, gives me... oh fuck.  Can I practise it first?

Matthew
No.

Sam laughs.

Steph
Are you really pissed??

Chloe
No, I just don't know the song!

Steph
You sound pissed.

Sam
Yeah, we're going to have to get some more.

Matthew
Pyeeooh, byeoo, bah-bah-bdeeooow.

Sam
We can use this one?

Chloe
Monday morning's always calling, in my goonie and I'm yawning; postie stops by, gives me the stink eye, 'cos I... I'm a lazy dosser, I'm a lazy dosser, I'm a lazy tosser, I'm a lazy dosser.  Tuesday I'll choose to stay in bed; curtains drawn tight avoiding the sunlight.  I'm a lazy tosser, I'm a lazy dosser, I'm a lazy dosser.  Wednesday week I'm working hard, I'll walk to the supermarket: frozen steak pie, pasta and Birdseye. Cos...  I'm a lazy dosser, I'm a lazy dosser, I'm a lazy tosser, I'm a lazy dosser.  Monday morning's always calling, in my goonie and I'm yawning; postie stops by, gives me the stink eye, 'cos I... I'm a lazy dosser, I'm a lazy dosser, 'cos I'm a lazy dosser, I'm a lazy doss-motherfucking-er.

----------------------------------------------------

Ukulele again.

Chloe
Go on Matt!

Matthew
Lies, lies, lies; lies, lies, lies... 

Matthew and Chloe
Lies.

Chloe
And again.

Matthew
Lies, lies, lies; lies, lies, lies: lies.

Chloe
Lies get told...

Matthew
Hey, that was a little bit premature.

Chloe
... lies get 

Steph
You didn't give him much chance...

Matthew
Oh, it was.

Chloe
...bought and sold.

Matthew
Start again.  A little bit faster this time I feel.

The ukulele picks up pace.  A stick snaps in the background.

Chloe
Remember, it's lies get told when we go into that bit.

Matthew
Lies, lies, lies; lies, lies, lies: lies.

Another stick snaps.

Chloe
And again, son!

Matthew
Lies, lies, lies; lies, lies, lies: lies.

Chloe
It's now... chorus.  Or whatever.

Matthew
Lies get told; lies get bought and sold.

Chloe
Refrain!

Matthew
Lies, lies, lies; lies, lies, lies: lies.

Chloe
Lies - lies are a fact!

Matthew
I'm full..

Chloe
Oh yeah...

Matthew
I'm full of facts, I tell...

Matthew and Chloe
... all my exes that.

Chloe
And the refrain.

Matthew
Lies, lies, lies; lies, lies, lies: lies.

Matthew and Chloe
I'm full of lies...

Matthew
... but it's a trait in others I despise.

Chloe
And the refrain.

Matthew
Lies, lies, lies; lies, lies, lies: lies.  Lies are a fact...

Matthew and Chloe
... I tell all my exes that. Lies...

Matthew
... full of myrmmmm...

Chloe
... but it's a...

Matthew and Chloe
... trait that I despise.  Lies get told, lies get bought and sold.  Lies lies lies lies lies lies...

Matthew
Lies, lies. Lies.  Lies.

Chloe
Did you enjoy singing it?

Matthew
Yes.  I did.

----------------------------------------------------

Uke.

Chloe
Monday morning's always yawning... Ohh, can you start it again? Monday morning's always calling, (the percussive egg begins) in my goonie and I'm yawning; postie stops by, gives me the stink eye, 'cos I... I'm a lazy dosser... Ohh, I've fucked it up 'cos I'm a dick.  I'm starting again now.  Can you just delete that and just start it again?

Matthew
Yes.  There is a nosebleed going on over here.

Chloe
Can you actually stop it so I can practise it first so I won't feel anxious?

Matthew
Right, ok.

-------------------------------------------------

Sam
Counting in: one, two, a one, two, three, four.

Ukulele.

Chloe
Ooooh, ooooh, ooooh.

Melodica.

Chloe
Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh. Ohhhhh.  Ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, oooh, ooooooooh.  I'm very disappointed we're camping on a slope, and we've got to watch out for the antelope, ooooooh ooh, ooooh ooooooh oooooh oooooooh oooooooh ooh ooooh.

Steph
Phill's been pissed since we've arrived; he was shouting at me when I was trying to...

Steph and Chloe
... drive.

Steph
(Pause.)  

Chloe
Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh. 

Steph
He got pissed and pushed Sam off some slate.

Chloe
Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh. Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh. Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh. 

Matthew
(Whistling.)

Chloe
Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh. Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh. Ooooh-ooooh-aghhhh... Matt!

Matthew
Oh we need to watch our backs for the...

Matthew and Chloe
... lumberjacks.

Matthew
We need to watch our backs for the piles of sheep cack.  My right hand is covered in blood and gravel and I need to find a rhyme for...

Chloe
One, two, three, four!

Matthew
... the fermentation barrel.

Phill laughs loudly.

Chloe
Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh. 

Matthew
Beeoww bah baaooowp

Chloe
Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh. 

Matthew
Baoowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Chloe
One, two, three, four!  Phill it's on you, yeah!

Phill
I'm standing on a track and drinking some cans; I have no idea about any of my friends' plans.  Well I started wanting to grapple in the dust: it seemed something I had to do, I just had to must.

Chloe
WAY!  Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh. Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh.

Matthew
Beeoww bah baaooowp, beoowwwwwwww, baaaooohh, waaoww waaoowww....

Chloe
Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh.  Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, oooooooooooooooooh! Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, ooh.  Ohh, ler, ler, lah di dah di da lahhhhhh...

Matthew
Bap baaowop bap baowwop...

Chloe
Lah dah di di lah dah dah di di ler ler...

Matthew
Baaaeeeeoooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

Chloe
Wayell... Salll.... about camping.  It's all about camping. A la la la la la la la la.  Refrain.

The ukulele is taken by surprise.

Chloe
Oooh, ooh ooh oooh oooh...

The melodica comes in forcefully as the ukulele carries on picking notes.

Phill
(Laughing.)  Curious note there.

Chloe
Ooooooooooooooooooh, oooh, oooooh. Oooh, oooh, ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.  (Suddenly high pitched.)  Oooooooooooooooooooooooh!

Matthew
Final chord Sam!

Sam
What?

Matthew
(Firmly)  Final chord.

Sam
Final chord?

Steph
B minor.

Sam
B minor...

The chord is played.

Sam
That's B minor.

Chloe
Ooooooooooh, oooooooh, oooh, oooooooooooooh.

Matthew laughs.

Chloe
Ooh, that's going to...

-----------------------------------------------------------

Ukulele plays.

Chloe
Let's go!  Shall I start?

Matthew
I'll start.

Chloe
A one, a two, a one, two, three, four.

Matthew
I woke up this morning having nyyyaerrrr....

General murmurs of amusement.

Phill
Do you want me to do it?

Chloe
Keep it rolling, keep it rolling!

Matthew
I'll start off.

Chloe
A one, two, three, four.  No, not yet, now.  One, two, three, four.

Matthew
I woke up this morning having partially bummed Phill; I was partially sated but he'd already had his fill.

Chloe
That's what they all say!  Well we woke up this morning to a barbecue and I was stunned by the beauty of the fucking view.  And we woke up and just had a little can of beer, and I thought well in this world we've got nothing to fear.  Sam.

Sam
Erm...

Phill
Do you want me to do it?

Sam
Yeah, thanks.

Phill
When I got here I realised we were camping on an incline - that's a social faux pas in terms of alpine.  But I couldn't communicate my fear, no, I was too busy drinking all of those beers. Well..

Chloe
Beers!  (Laughter.) Ooooh, oooh, dooo, dooo, dooo. A doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo.  A doo, doo doo doo doo, Sam!  Now.  One, a one, two, three, four.

Sam
Well it's gotten late and it's gotten dark, in our Snowdonian...

Chloe
Nat.. (Laughs.)

Sam
... National park.

Phill laughs.

Sam
Something else is... oh, tha... it's not... err... I don't know.

Chloe
Well, we're spending all our time drinking ginger beer and I know...

Phill
I'll go next.

Chloe
... there's nothing else left for us to be queering.  And I'm just chatting shit nowowwwowwwwowwwww....

Phill
Well...

Chloe
... owwwwwwww....

Phill
I was too inebriated to argue about the situation; Matthew said to me, "Why don't you try masturbation?"; I said, "Christ, I tried that several times... 

Chloe
Phill, you're such a poet.

Phill
... so I've got blisters, blisters upon my hands!"

Matthew
And don't you know it.

Chloe
Don't you fucking know it!

Phill
And he said to me, "Why not, you just go roll in the sand,"  I said, "Christ, I've done that, all I'll do is...

Chloe
Be a man!

Phill
... be a man."  Well, Christ, I'm not part of the band, I can't sing this song, all I know is that I'm humming.

Chloe
Three, four, five: it's on Steph.

Pause, in which a melodica starts up again.

Chloe
Steph doesn't write lyrics, she just plays the melodica, la.  Lid, la, lid...

Chloe and Phill
(Amidst laughter.) ... la, lid, la, LID...

Chloe
... la...

Chloe, Phill, Matt, Sam
LID!

Chloe
Wellllllllllllllllllllll, wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyooohhhhhhhhhh, wayyyoohhhh, wayyyyohhhh, lah, lah, lah, lah.  Ah no carry on. let's stay... When we were loosening the guy ropes I thought we would lose all of our hopes; but when we started walking up the hill, I thought, "everything's going to be ok," because - it's a thrill!  Dooo dooo doo do do doooo.... It's on Phill again.

Phill
I'm sitting in a forest and my dissertation's approaching, and all I've been doing is poaching, drinking, (Chloe laughs.) and running around near a campfire and I've been blind for about 20 minutes.

Chloe
Round the campfire!  Sam!

Phill
Well...

Chloe
Or Phill again.

Phill
My eyes have been watering...  really a prick...

Chloe
Well, you don't know...

Matthew
Phill! 

Chloe
... then; we've got forked sticks...

Matthew
Phill's run out of all kind of lyrics.

Chloe
... and we're all about making something to cook on it.

Matthew
Oh, yeahhhhhh.

Phill
Shit, I knew what I should have song.

Chloe
And we're going to have a melodica solo.  Quieten down!  It's the so-lo.

Everyone obeys.

Chloe
(High-pitched.) Woo-hoooooh-oooh-ooh!

Matthew
Baow baow beeoow.

Phill
Can I do that verse again?

Matthew
Beeow, doop doop.

Phill
Fucking hell.

Matthew
Bip bip beedaoh-bip bup.

Chloe
Well we forgot the coffee but at least we've got tea.  

Matthew
Neeeeowwwow.  Dah dah dah dah.

Chloe
Suppose we've got to put the rum in for me.

Matthew
Yes we can.  Right now.

Phill
Sitting round the campfire and my dissertation's approaching; thinking about my SATs have been poaching a sonnet.  Well, I can't even sing - be damned if I can keep any time.

Chloe
Oh you can't keep any time!  Oooooooooh, oooooooooh, ooooooooooooh, oooooooh, oh oh, ooooh, la de da de da de da da.

Phill
Are we still singing?

Chloe
Well Sam he wants to make a baked bean and sausage stew: but I don't like it, so it's all about you.  And Phill ate a whole loaf of bread on the way down, so if we want more wheat, we've got to go to town.

Sam
Wa'ey!

Matthew, Chloe, Phill
Eyyyyyyyyyyy.

Chloe
Dur dur dur dur.  

Matthew
Eyyyyyyyy!

Chloe
Durrrr, dur dur dur dur.  

Matthew
Eyyyyyyeeeeooooooww.

Chloe
La da de da de da de dad da.

Matthew
Nahhhh dee bap bap boop.

Chloe
Dah, de da de da de da de.  D-d-d-dah.

Matthew
Ahhhhhhhh-leeeeoooo.

Chloe
Doo doo doo!

Matthew
Bah bah bah bah-da.

Chloe
Dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Matthew
Doo doo doo doo doo.

Chloe
... ooooooooooooooooh.

Matthew
Dih doo doo.

Chloe
A d-d-d-dooomh da da dowwm.

Matthew
Whoooooo's turn is it next?

Chloe
I think, it's all about Sam.

Sam
Steph!

Matthew
I suspect it's... 

Chloe
Now don't give in... all about Sam.

Matthew
... Sam's turn to sing next.

Chloe
Give him a bar to think of something cool to sing along now!

Matthew
Go Sam.

Sam
Ohhherr, I love you guys, I love my friends.  I don't want this song to ever end?

Chloe
Let's not pretend.

Matthew
Oh, this is beautiful.

Sam laughs.

Chloe
Let's not.  Pretend.

Matthew
That this is ever going to end.

Chloe
That you want this to end.  (Pause.) A doo...

Sam laughs.

Chloe
... a doo doo dah doo dooooooo.  A doo doo doo doo doo doooooooowww.  

Matthew
Baddeowwwwwwwwww, bow bow bowwwwwwwww

Chloe
A doo doo doo dooo doooo doooo dooooo. 

Matthew
Da daow doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.

Chloe
A da-d-d-daow da doo doooooo.  

Phill
Do you want me to sing it again?

Chloe
A doo-doo-doo... We get water from a nearby stream.  And we hope that it was not just a dream.  Amongst the trees, amongst the trees, amongst the lovely birds and the beeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Phill
I'm going to sing again.  (? - 20.40)

Steph
(Coughs.)

Matthew
I think it's your go next, d'you reckon?

Phill
Yeah.

Chloe
...eeeeeeeeeeeeeees.  Oh we hoped that that water from the stream was not just a dream.  Two, three, four!  Oooooooooooooh!

Phill
I'm ten minutes in and my eyes're still hurting, and Price tells me I should really be working.

Sam laughs.

Phill
This ad hoc rhyme...

Chloe
Surely "flirting"?!

Phill
... has got me singing time, to the branch.

Chloe
Da-daow-da-daow-da-daow-daowwwwww.  Doo doo doo doo doo doo dooooo.  And again.  Well we saw that the boys never zipped up their porch, so we went to investigate with the miniature torch. And we heard that the voices were in fact not theirs - so we...

Matthew
But yours!

Sam laughs.

Chloe
... retreated back to the tent...

Matthew
How very dare you.

Chloe
... to be a... err... of "cause".

Steph
Scared?

Matthew
How very dare you?

Chloe
Dooo doo doo doo doooooo...

Sam
Unawares!

Matthew
How very dare you?

Steph
I was still quite scared: by those voices.

Sam
When Phill was yawning...

Steph
Snoring?

Sam
Snoring.

Steph
Very loudly.

Chloe
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...

Phill
Should I...?  No, next one - keep going!  Keep going!

Chloe
Doo doo doo doo!

Phill
(Air of desperation.) ... It's a break, we'll keep going!

Steph
Are you ending on a G?

Chloe
Let's change - let's change key!  Oh no...

Steph
Key change really.

Phill
Oh, a change of key, you motherbitch!

Matthew
It's the same key.

Sam laughs.  Someone has introduced a tambourine.

Phill
Start here.

Matthew and Chloe
One, two, three...

Matthew, Chloe, Sam
... four.

Matt
And...

Phill
Where should I have a rhyme, but the poems they're deserting - singing in front of people is my major absurdtion.  Well that was a word I just made up.

Steph
Right.

Phill
That's how I roll, when people tell me... Humming in front of a crowd.

Chloe
Go on, Dylan!

Sam
Something's coming.  

Phill
I can...

Chloe
Sam?!

Sam
Ahh... something's happened, it's not the same, and that's the way... He is going to go away.

The ukulele and the melodica slow down - is the end approaching?

Phill
By the position of the recorder...

Chloe
Oooooooooooooooooo....

Phill
... no-one caught a word Sam was saying.  That's fine 'cos Sam is gay, and when he's not singing he's...

Chloe
... ooooooooooooooooooooo...

Phill
... masturbating.  

Chloe
... ooooooh.  Ooooooooo...

Phill
That's ok, he's got a hairline that makes the Queen cry, because she's 82.

Chloe
... oooooooh. La la la la la la la la, OH!  ...in awe of the chord progression, la... taking us out of our depression, oh-ohhhh.

Phill
How do you keep doing that?  That was pretty good.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Chloe
I wasn't drunk but I was high, saw it out the corner of my eye.  "It's just a sheep," Sam replied, but I was fucking petrified.

Phill laughs raucously.

Chloe
I'm not sure what it would have done...

Phill
Is this a song you've already written?

Chloe
... sheeps [sic] can swim but they cannot run.

Matthew
Yeah, it is.

Chloe
And I knew it wouldn't win a fight, but still Sam thought it was a terrible sight.

Matthew
Ooooooooooo...

Chloe
We're on...

Steph
What's the chord?

Phill
Has she written this?

Matthew
... oooooh...

Chloe
B minor!

Sam
Oooh-ah.

Phill
Has she written this?

Steph
B minor?

Matthew
Yeah...

Chloe
We're on a sheep trip tonight...

Matthew
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooaaaa.

Chloe
... we saw it basking in the...

Phill
Oh, I love this song!

Chloe
...mornlight.

Phill
I fucking love this song...

Chloe
Seal trip tonight...

Phill
... it's my favourite song off your album.

Chloe
... we saw it... basking in the sunlight.

Phill
I'm a bit gutted...

Matthew
Should we...

Phill
... I don't have a name.

Chloe
We're on a seal trip tonight...

Matthew
Should we start this again?

Chloe
... and we're ge... let's start again, yep.  Start again, Steph.  Steph Steph Steph Steph Steph.

Matthew
Ah...

Phill
Is that a new verse you're singing?

Chloe
Steph Steph Steph Steph Steph.

Phill
Is that a new verse? Or...?

Matthew
It was the sheep version.

Phill
It's fucking boss that verse, you've got to write that down.

Sam sniggers.

Phill
Tell you what though...

Chloe
Like... "we're on a sheep trip tonight"?

All but Phill snort.

Phill
Yeah, definitely.

Chloe
"We saw it basking in the sunlight"?  Come on then Steph.

Phill
'Cos it's about sheep not going for a swim - they can fucking run.

Sam
It was, it was the other way round Phill.   (Laughs.)

Phill
All right.

Matthew
Sheep can't swim, but they can fucking run.

Phill
Yeah!  We need to get the fucking pen and pad out - write a song while we're here.

Chloe, Sam, Matthew
We already have.

Phill
Have we?

Sam
Yeah.

Phill
I've got a better...

Chloe
Shh!

Phill
... verse than that.

Chloe
I wasn't drunk but I was high, I saw it out the corner of my eye; "it's just a seal," my friend replied, but I was fucking petrified. I'm not sure what it would have done - sheep can swim, but they cannot run - and Sam knew it wouldn't win a fight, but Matt thought it was a terrible sight.

Matthew
Ooooooooo...

Chloe
We're on a sheep trip tonight...

Matthew and Sam
... ooo- ahh.

Chloe
We saw it basking in the sunlight.

Matthew, Sam, Steph
Oooooooooo...

Chloe
We're on a sheep trip tonight...

Matthew, Sam, Steph
... ooo- ahh.

Chloe
... we saw it basking in the sunlight.

Matthew, Sam, Steph
Oooooooooo...

Chloe
We're on a sheep trip tonight...

Matthew, Sam, Steph
... ooo- ahh.

Chloe
... and we're getting...

Matthew
Oooaoooaoaoao.

Chloe
... high-igh-igh-igh-igh-igh.  We left our beers and clotted cream and hoped that it was just a dream; we scrambled up the hill-top side, to our tents so we could hide.  I wasn't drunk but we were high, we saw it out the corner of our eye.  "And just a sheep," my friend replied, but I was fucking petrified.

Matthew
(Bleating.) Baaaaaaaaaaaa...

Chloe
We're on a sheep trip tonight.

Matthew
... aaaaaaaa.

Sam
Ooo- ahh.

Chloe
We saw it basking in the sunlight.

Matthew
Baaaaaaaaaa...

Sam and Steph
Ooooooooooo...

Chloe
We're on a sheep trip tonight...

Matthew
... aaaaaaaaaaa.

Sam and Steph
... ooo- ahh.

Chloe
... we saw it...

Chloe and Phill
... basking in the sunlight.

Matthew
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Sam and Steph
Ooooooooooo....

Chloe
We're on a sheep trip tonight...

Phill 
(Simultaneously.)  We're on a sheet trip tonight...

Matthew
... aaaaaaaaaaaa.

Sam and Steph
... ooo- ahh.

Phill
Singing.

Chloe
And we're getting pi-i-i-i-issed.

Phill laughs.

Matthew
Baaaaaa.

Chloe
Doo doo doo doo doo.  Doo doo doo doo doo.

Matthew
Baaaa.

Chloe
And you've got to twelve, nine, seven, five.

Steph
What are you suggesting?

Chloe
Dow dow dowww dow.  

Steph
That's not a very good description, Chloe.

Matthew
(Whistling.)

Phill
D-g-d-g-d-g-d-g-d-g-d-g-d.

Chloe
G-g-doww doww doww dowww.

Matthew
Steph, your moustache looks beautiful by the firelight.

Chloe
And now chorus.

Matthew
Dowww dowww-owww-owww.

Sam
Seal trip tonight.

Chloe
(To Sam) No.  We're on a seal trip tonight...

Matthew
Baaaaaa.

Chloe
... we saw it basking in the moonlight.

Matthew
Baaaaaaa.

Chloe
We're on a...

Chloe and Sam
... sheep trip...

Chloe, Sam, Phill
... tonight.

Matthew
Baaaaaaaa.

Chloe
The lambs were dancing in the sunlight.

Matthew
Baaaaaaaaa.

Sam and Steph
Oooooooooo...

Chloe
We're on a sheep trip tonight...

Sam and Steph
... ooo- ahh.

Chloe
... the lambs were dancing in the sunlight.

Matthew
Maaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Chloe
Oh oh, oh oh.  Oooooh. Oh oh, oh ohhh.

Matthew
Maaaaaaaaaa.

Chloe
Steph, I'm quite delighted that you chose to play 'Seal Trip'.

Sam
I like 'Seal Trip', s'a good song.

Phill
I love 'Seal Trip'.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ukulele.

Sam
You all right there?  (?? - 27.26ish)

Chloe
That's the Pesty Mawgans.

Sam laughs.

Chloe
I'd like a dog called Mothball.

Sam, Steph, Matthew
Mothball!

Phill 
(Simultaneously.) Mothballs!

Chloe
Never accuse me - singular - wanting it all.

Sam, Steph, Matthew, Phill
Wannini'all!

Chloe
And when it's by the...

Chloe and Matthew
... fireside...

Chloe
... all the things that...

Chloe, Sam, Steph, Matthew
... you've implied...

Phill
(Simultaneously.) ... you've in mind!

Chloe and Matthew
... fall by...

All
... the wayside!

Chloe
I'd like a house full of...

Chloe and Phill
... books.

Sam, Steph, Matthew
Books!

Chloe
And mandolins and loving looks.

Sam, Steph, Matthew, Phill
Looks!

Chloe
It would always have an...

Chloe and Matthew
... open... 

All
... door...

Chloe
Who could possibly...

All
... want more?

Chloe
I'd be a...

All
... troubadour!

Chloe and Steph
I'd like to make it perfectly...

All
... clear...

Chloe and Steph
... that what I did was not out of...

All
fear!

Chloe and Steph
I'd like to make it perfectly...

All
... clear...

Chloe
... that what I did was not out of...

Steph
Oooh-ahhh...

All
fear!

Chloe
I'd like a house that was a tent!

Matthew, Steph, Sam, Phill
Tent!

Chloe
We'd have everything plus an airing vent!

Matthew, Steph, Sam, Phill
Vent!

Chloe
We'd get our water from a stream.

Mathew
... stream.

Sam
... stream.

Chloe
It would be just like a...

All
... dream!

Chloe
We'd be...

Matthew
... in a tent.

Steph
... camping.

Laughter.

Chloe
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'd like to make it perfectly...

All
... clear!

Chloe
That what I did was not out of...

All
... fear!

Chloe
I'd like to make it perfectly...

All
... clear!

Chloe
That what I did was not out of...

All
... fear!

Chloe
Doww doww da-doww doww.  Da doww doww doww da-doww doww doww.  I'd like a house full of books.

Matthew, Steph, Sam
Books!

Chloe
And mandolins and loving looks.

Matthew and Phill
Looks!

Chloe
It would always have an open door.

Matthew and Phill
Door.

Chloe
Who could possibly want more?

Matthew and Phill
More??

Chloe
We would be - what would we be?

All
A troubadourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Chloe
Iiiiiii'd like to...

Sam laughs.

Chloe
make it perfectly...

All
... clear!

Chloe
That what I did was not out of...

All
... fear!

Chloe
I'd like to make it perfectly...

All
... clear!

Chloe
That what I did was not out of...

All
... fear!

Chloe
Raahh-owwwww.

Matthew
(High-pitched.) Fear!

Chloe
Fe-ar!

Chloe and Matthew
Fe-ar!

Matthew
Bap bap, bah doo bah bah doo-bap!

Chloe
Fe-ar!  Doo doo doo doo doo!

Matthew
Bah bah bap bap doo doo doo doo doo doo!  

Chloe
Doo doo doo doo doo!

Matthew
Scab a dee doo bap bowwww.  A bah bap baaooow.

Chloe
A one, two, three, four. Stop.

Sam laughs.

Phill
Excellent.

-----------------------------------------------

Uke.

Steph
... a club down in old...

Steph and Chloe
... Soho.  Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry...

Steph, Chloe, Matthew
... co...

Steph, Chloe, Matthew, Phill
... la!

Steph and Matthew
C-O-L-A...

Chloe
(Simultaneously.) La la la la...

Steph, Matthew, Chloe, Phill
... cola!

Steph
She walked up to me and she...

Steph and Chloe
... asked me to dance.

Steph
I asked her her name and in...

Steph, Chloe, Matthew
... a dark brown voice...

Steph and Chloe
... she said...

Steph, Chloe, Matthew
... "Lola." L-L-L-L-Lola

Steph, Chloe, Matthew, Sam
L-O-L-A Lola.

Chloe
Dow dow dow dow, dow dow.

Matthew
Beowwww.

Steph
Now I'm not the...

Steph and Chloe
...world's most...

Steph
... physical guy...

Chloe
(Simultaneously.) ... passical guy...

Steph
... but when she squeezed me tight she nearly 

Steph, Chloe, Matthew
...broke my spine...

Steph and Chloe
... oh my Lola.

Steph, Chloe, Sam
L-L-L-L-Lola.

Steph
And I'm not dumb but I can't...

Steph and Chloe
... understand why she...

Steph and Matthew
... walks like a woman...

Chloe
(Simultaneously.)  ... talks like a woman... 

Steph, Chloe, Matthew
... but talks like a man, oh my Lola.

Phill
Who wrote this?

Steph and Sam
L-L-L-L-Lola.

Matthew
Kinks.

Chloe
Kinks.

Phill
Thought so.  I like the Kinks.

Steph, Chloe, Sam
L-L-L-L-Lola.

Matthew
Waah-owww.

Phill
It's like 'Polythene Pam'.

Steph
Well we...

Phill
Do you like 'Polythene Pam'?

Steph and Chloe
... drank champagne.

Steph
Fuck.

Phill
She so good looking; she looks like a man.

Steph and Chloe
... drank champagne and danced all night.

Phill
Shall we sing that?

Steph and Chloe
Under electric candlelight.

Matthew
She's so good looking but she looks like a man.

Phill
(Breaking into song.) Well have you seen Polythene Pam?

Steph and Chloe
She picked me up...

Phill
She's so good looking but she looks like  a man.

Steph and Chloe
... and sat me on her knee and said...

Matthew
Was it an ultra-scan?

Steph and Chloe
... "Dear boy, won't you come home with me?"

Phill
Yeah, yeah!  Well have you seen Polythene Pam?  

Steph and Chloe
Well, I'm not the world's most passionate man...

Phill
She's so good looking but she looks like a man.

Steph and Chloe
... but when I looked in her eyes well I almost fell for my...

Phill
Well have you seen her in town dressed in a polythene bag?  Well have you seen Polythene Pam?

Steph and Chloe
... Lola.  

Phill
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Matthew and Phill laugh.

Steph and Chloe
L-L-L-L-Lola.

Phill
And then it's 'She came in through the bathroom window'.

Matthew and Phill laugh.

Steph and Chloe
L-L-L-L-Lola.

Phill
It's like they were battered for that entire album.

Matthew
Steph - I pushed her away?

Steph
I pushed...

Steph and Chloe
... pushed her away.

Matthew
(Falsetto.) Pushed her away.

Steph, Chloe, Matthew
I walked to the door.  I fell to the floor.  I got down on my knees.  (Matthew returns to his usual register.)  Then I looked at her, and she at me.

Steph
Well, that's the way...

Steph and Chloe
... that I want it to stay...

Chloe
Oh no!

Phill
Oh no!

Steph, Chloe, Matthew
And I always want it to be that way for my Lola.

Sam
Oh, fuck.

Phill
Guys.

Steph, Chloe, Matthew
L-L-L-L-Lola.

Phill
Chlo.

Chloe and Matthew
La la Lohhhh.

Phill
Wh...?

Steph
Girls will be...

Steph, Chloe, Sam
... boys and boys will be girls.

Steph, Chloe, Sam, Matthew
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, except for...

All
... Lola. L-L-L-L-Lola.  L-L-L-L-Lola.

Matthew
(Whistling.)

Steph
Well I'd left home just the week before.

Chloe
... week ago...

Steph and Chloe
I'd never ever kissed a woman...

Steph, Chloe, Matthew
... before.  But Lola smiled and took me by the hand, and said "Dear boy, I'm going to make you a man!"

Steph and Chloe
We-ellllllll, I'm not the world's most...

Steph
... masculine man...

Chloe
(Simultaneously.) ... passionate man... (Laughs.)

Steph
... but I know what I am...

Steph and Chloe
... and...

Steph
... I'm glad I'm a man...

Chloe
(Simultaneously.) ... I know I'm a man...

Steph and Chloe
... and so is Lola.

Sam laughs.

Steph, Chloe, Phill
L-L-L-L-Lola.

Matthew
Ooooooooooooh.

Steph and Chloe
L-L-L-L-Lola.

Phill
You're gonna burn your boots there.

Steph
Lola.

Sam
No, I'll be fine.

Phill
Not you.

Steph and Chloe
L-L-L-L-Lola.  L-L-L-L-Lola.

Matthew
Eeeeee-owwmmmm.

Steph and Chloe
L-L-L-L-Lola.

Matthew
Oaaaaaaaaaa.

Steph and Chloe.
Lola, L-L-L-L-Lola.

Matthew
Ooooooooooooooooom.

Steph
L-L-L-L-Lola.

Phill
That's a fucking awesome song.  Guys, I was trying to say this to Sam on the way, on the way here right, but he's being a girl: I reckon we go out Friday night.